I’m not sure I understand this sentence completely, but I don’t think COTH is the evil empire nor do I think people who wish she had bought a different horse are evil. That’s pretty harsh.
What I do think is that COTH is just another place on the internet, and it’s full of horse people. Horse people LOVE tearing apart other horse people online. We are brutal on each other, and we do it in the name of caring which is honestly pretty gross. Thankfully here, many of us have expertise, but we jump to conclusions and overreact to situations repeatedly based on our own biases and experiences.
What happened was that Honey started exhibiting some behaviors that are very common in her breed if handled a specific way. Some people lept immediately to “horse bad, sell now” but they weren’t kind about it. You may have read kindness, but with the background of the other thread, I did not. I read a LOT of self-satisfied “at least we told that newbie the way it IS”.
It’s SO common here. And believe me, I love this forum for it in some ways - much fewer “pretty pony” posts, but there are some times when it’s counterproductive (and yes, it’s become a much nicer board than it used to be, but I do miss the trainwrecks).
Just returning to the point. She has Honey. She bought her before we gave her any advice at all. Will the horse be a match? It’s possible. It’s also possible that she won’t be. And there’s no shame in it either way - even those of us who are saddlebred fans have said that - they aren’t for everyone.
But it doesn’t serve either the OP nor the horse to dramatize behaviors from her horse that are pretty normal and natural for her breed and type of horse. If she moves the horse on, the horse is likely not to get a quality home, and if she doesn’t, she’s not likely to come get advice from people who take everything she says and make it a federal case. Either way - it doesn’t serve anyone.
As those of us familiar with this breed tried to explain some of the breed characteristics, there was more drama - more “they aren’t suitable for beginners ever” kinds of comments which is of course, nonsense.
You mentioned lamenting earlier, and I don’t have an issue with that. We all wish things were different and perfect for every single horse and rider combination. I’m a realist though, and the situation is what it is. She has the horse. The purchase has been made.
I had a boarder bring in a horse like Honey. Not a saddlebred, a Haflinger-type that was somehow thin. She trialed her while she was thin (I was not consulted, came to the horse after the purchase had already been made). We did the same thing, advised her that she was thin and not to ride her, and then as she got heavier, her hot and sensitive personality emerged. The horse was not suitable for the beginner rider without significant training. We had that conversation, and she chose to move the horse on, but it was important to emphasize that the horse’s tendencies were not abnormal, and help her come to that conclusion on her own that it was time to move on.
On the flip side, I’ve also had experiences with people who did the opposite, kept the horse and were happy with the eventual result.
The experience is ALWAYS emotional and there are always many moving parts to it. It behooves everyone to put a lot of care into how we assess and communicate in the situation which is why, ultimately, it’s not best to be on a thread like this one.
