How to "get out of your own head" and quit overthinking?

[Equestrian24]

Every riding instructor I’ve had over the years has told me I needed to quit overthinking, being a perfectionist, and “getting in my head too much”. I’ve struggled with being a timid and unconfident rider for years, and also have a terrible habit of being extremely hard on myself when I don’t meet my own expectations. I’ve honestly been my own worst enemy when it comes to riding, as my lack of confidence really holds me back, and I get down on myself often about my riding and can’t seem to just be able to relax and have fun with it, though I do enjoy riding. I am way worse about overthinking on packers than I am on horses that need me to clearly ride and make decisions, and I don’t really have the option to become timid and overthink on those types.

Has anyone else ever struggled with this, and what did you do to work on it? I would love to be able to get past this.

[blue_heron]

Go to therapy. Seriously. I’m certain this does not originate in the barn, however, there are equine-focused or sports-focused therapists that would also be happy to work with you.

So many therapists are doing telehealth sessions too so it’s very accessible time-wise. Just make sure you find someone who will work with your insurance.

[wsmoak]

Talking to a professional like @blue_heron said is an excellent idea. If you want to explore some things on your own, here are a few books to try:

10% Happier: How I Tamed the Voice in My Head, Reduced Stress Without Losing My Edge, and Found Self-Help That Actually Works–A True Story

Unwinding Anxiety

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: Techniques for Retraining Your Brain (this is a Great Courses audio so it’s like a condensed college course. If that doesn’t appeal, there are tons of books on CBT. )

[Willesdon]

If you have the time and the finances, try going on a riding vacation for week. Somewhere beautiful (possibly in Europe), with good horses, decent accommodation and excellent food. Sitting on a horse for hours at a time, travelling from A to B or back to A, really makes one relax and just stop thinking about “how” to ride. It builds confidence and skills as well as being enormous fun.

[tbchick84]

This one is surprisingly easy to fix.

I used to really psych myself out when I was jumping. One day, instead of all the negative stuff on the way to the fence, I would say to myself, “well you said you can’t just that jump, so do what you can’t do”. Next thing I knew, I was on the other side of the fence. After that, any time I thought I couldn’t do something, that’s exactly what I did do. I think it has something to do with quantum physics and you can actually change your brain chemistry by replacing negative thoughts with positive. (body posture has the same effect)

You don’t actually have to get out of your head. You just need to change the conversation. Say you’re trotting poles and keep going over them crooked, out of balance and with choppy stride. Instead of thinking, “god I suck. I’m never going to get this right. why the hell do I bother…”, just change the conversation to one very basic line, “I’m going to trot these poles straight and in balance”. It’s a “do what you can’t do” approach. I know it sounds over simplistic. Humor me and give it a try.

[Foxglove]

Might not be possible for u to do so, but time in the saddle, just u and horse. When I acquire a new horse, I “ride every footfall.” The more I ride that horse, the more I calm down and enjoy the horse, the surroundings, my own accomplishments at getting on and riding! For me, after awhile, many rides in, the horse and I share brains…I think it, he does it. But I ride QH who are sensible and intelligent. In Nov. I was given an OTTB. Due to weather and no indoor, our rides have been fewer. However, trust is forming. We will get there although I am not sure he will ever be the rock my two QH are. He sure is a pretty horse and well trained. Not sure I have the skill to ride him, but I sure have fun trying!

[DawgLady]

Curious…what discipline do you ride? I ride hunters, and the mindf*ckery usually happens when I’m jumping. If you are the same, I’m happy to share what works for me.

[Equestrian24]

Yes, hunters, and yes, it is worst when I’m jumping!

[DawgLady]

Are you thinking about too many things at once (heels down, eyes up, pace, track, shoulders back, following hand, etc) or are you thinking about what could go wrong?

[DawgLady]

BTW, this is a good thread that might be helpful: Overcoming anxious ammy syndrome

[erinmeri]

Things that worked for me:

• working with a mental coach who is also a rider
• circle breathing (box breathing)
• Headspace
• positive affirmations and changing the negative self talk into positive as mentioned above
• focusing on physical things in my mind (deepening my heels, keeping my elbows in and soft, etc) in front of the fence rather than the what if’s
• CBD seltzer (Recess) and limiting caffeine

[LawsofMurph]

I had to literally go on anxiety medicine.

All of the suggestions above are great, but if you suffer from Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) they will not help. I agree with those recommending talking to a professional. If it’s this bad when you are riding, chances are its happening in your regular life.

Choosing to get help and get on medication is probably the nicest thing I have ever done for myself.

[Equestrian24]

A bit of both, really, though my brain really likes to think of everything that could go wrong. I tend to think too much about what I’m going to do and worry about the “what ifs”, though on the occasion I’ve been able to “just do it”, things go fine. It’s being able to do that, that is hard!

[JB]

Read the book Soundtracks: The Surprising Solution to Overthinking by Jon Acuff. It’s cheap therapy .

His podcast is "All it Takes is a Goal, and Episode 12 is him reading Chapter 1. I guarantee it will hit you and you’ll want to read the book. Or, listen on Audible if you want. I do a mix of both, and especially love the physical books so I can highlight and write on the pages.

I’m a recovering perfectionist, which is a great setup for overthinking

You are very, very normal

it’s not about stopping over-thinking. It’s about shifting what you are thinking and doing. That’s the “surprising” part. Everyone gets focused on NOT overthinking, but that doesn’t work. Shift the focus on using your thinking to your advantage.

I guarantee you’re overthinking other areas of your life, not just riding

[phosics]

Friend, I am the same way! The “Overcoming anxious ammy syndrome” thread is mine, because I found myself in a very similar place as you.

What I feel like has helped me a lot has honestly been more time in the saddle, and spending time in the places I feel uncomfortable with. Being able to ride through situations that made me nervous before has given me a lot more confidence in my own skill and ability.

Also, riding a horse I feel safe on is huge as well. I used to hate jumping because I was riding something that would take off like a freight train after a small vertical, and I would get worn out making laps around the arena just trying to get him back. The mare I ride now is a challenge sometimes but she is safe and reliable over fences - it makes it fun instead of scary.

Of course, we are different individuals and it sounds like we are in different situations, so what works for me may not work for you. And that’s OK! I just wanted to share my own experiences with this. Many others have recommended therapy, and I think that is absolutely a great tool that should be explored too. Finding the root of where these thoughts come from and addressing that will give you peace.

Best of luck on your journey, I know it is not an easy one. It’s ok if you need to step back from a goal or competition oriented riding style and settle into something more relaxed and fun too, something that can help you access the joy horses bring you without so much pressure you may feel you put on yourself to “do it right.”

[danhelm441]

What is your trainer like? Do you get a lot of feedback and direction, or are they more the type to set up a couple poles and let the exercise do the teaching?

There are pros and cons to both. But one thing I’ll say, having had a little of both but more of the latter, is that when trainers don’t say much or give much feedback, I tend to frantically fill in the blanks. Often in unproductive ways. When I’ve had analytical, talkative trainers, I tend to feel annoyed by it in the moment, like “blah blah blah, stop talking,” but somehow it keeps me from overthinking. I just outsource the thinking to them.

[Equestrian24]

I get quite a bit of feedback and direction, though I guess I’m just naturally a very cautious person, almost to a fault, and way too much of a perfectionist as well (along with struggling with confidence; there’s always that voice in the back of my head saying “I don’t know if I can do this…”

[PaddockWood]

I’d also suggest taking CBD. I just ordered organic from R&R. I’ve been taking it for a few years now and boy has it helped with anxiety. Dr. Harman gave a talk at Equine Affaire and said taking organic is very important because the hemp plant is known to extract whatever is in the soil.

And yes, you are not alone and I was told last weekend by my coach to get out of my head and into my body.

R+R Medicinals: The CBD That Works.

[J-Lu]

Hmmmmm. Maybe try dropping your jump height?

There is nothing wrong with being a very cautious person, but maybe dropping down fence height can make your brain say, over time, “I so have this height, I need more of a challenge”. You might be able to actually jump your current height just fine but this approach can really help build confidence and a real foundation in the idea “I can do more. I’m going to do more. I so have this height that I’m a bit bored at it”. OR, maybe you’ll be happier dropping down to a height you know you can easily get over for a while and can work on something like your position, better roll-backs, better adjustment of stride, or just something else for a while.

I get the perfectionist attitude. But I’ve come to be comfy with the fact that I’m not a pro trainer, I’m not an Olympian, and I will make mistakes. I have had to come to ACCEPT that. I’ve had such great relationships with my horses that I say to them “I give you a good life, you tolerate all my mistakes. It’s all good!”

Riding should be fun. Consider dialing back the work or doing things that will reinforce your partnership but you know you won’t be good at. My current horse was SUPER hypervigilant and spooky when younger. I ride dressage. I ended up going to QH horse shows with my QH friend because those environments were just crazy. I became confident by riding him in an arena with a pony and cart and eventually making him tolerate that. We mostly pinned in classes when others made mistakes and there were many times that he would not go to an end of an arena because of a flapping flag, people cooking out next to the arena, etc. (I learned “who cares” but I did earn a belt buckle!!) I taught him to tolerate and then accept working cows. I taught him to tolerate trail rides. We learned natural horsemanship stuff with a qualified NH trainer.

The point is that I participated in lots of events where I KNEW we weren’t going to be good (My Westfalen worked cows with QHs. We SUCKED in comparison!) But our relationship really built and my confidence really built. Now, I have so much more of an attitude that “if I can get him through the ditch of death, I can get him into that corner” and “I know you can go through the ditch of death, and I know you can get into that corner. Don’t even tell me you can’t”.

[phosics]

I cannot for the life of me figure out how to quote her gosh darn post, but anyways…

@J-Lu has a very good point about having to accept that, even if you are a perfectionist, you will make mistakes and things will be imperfect and life will go on.

I was the same way for the longest time, hardcore perfectionist attitude. Still have enough of it to get the job done but it was just so exhausting to maintain all the time. Life made me slow down a little bit and accept that a mistake here and there was not the end of the world and life would go on. After all, mistakes are how we learn from things so we can do better the next time.

Horses are also wonderful teachers in this lesson. Having another being you have to work with can be a good reminder that sure, you don’t mind pushing yourself until you can get it right, but if you try and drag your horse on that journey with you you will fry his brain.

You can’t drill a horse the way you can drill yourself. They make you take a step back from your own vision and goals and recognize that sometimes, you have to take what you can get to end on a good note. It may not be perfect, and you could spend another hour trying to get it so, but it isn’t fair to your horse to push and push and push the way you would if it was only you involved. We can’t always hold them to the same expectations we hold ourselves - a little bit better than yesterday is all we can ask for, and even 1% or 2% better each day adds up to a whole lot over time!