Oh God! When he asked “what is a FRUITBATT???” I thought I was going to lose it then when I read “Foreign Urban Cooperative Outdoor Frontiersman Fund (FUCOFF)” I DID lose it!!! Thank God I wasn’t taking a drink at that time or I would need a new monitor!!
Ya know, the thing is that I can see some government official/committee coming up with the FUCOFF acronym & being totally oblivious to any other implications. :lol:
Some of the translation dictionaries out there were probably written by one of the Pythons (“My Hovercraft is Full of Eels”). I have regular (legit) communications with a group in Bangalore that usually sends me a request with the phrase:
My kind request to you please check the problem and do the needful.
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[QUOTE=EponaRoan;4320128]
Ya know, the thing is that I can see some government official/committee coming up with the FUCOFF acronym & being totally oblivious to any other implications. :lol:[/QUOTE]
I think you underestimate how many subversives we have in government. Certainly there are many of those acronyms etc in science. :lol:
The subversives, I like. The oblivious not so much! 
[QUOTE=poltroon;4320147]
Some of the translation dictionaries out there were probably written by one of the Pythons (“My Hovercraft is Full of Eels”). I have regular (legit) communications with a group in Bangalore that usually sends me a request with the phrase:[/QUOTE]
Oh god, someone else gets asked to “do the needful”!! I occasionally get emails from my students with this exact phrase, and I always feel like breaking into dance: “everybody, everybody, do the needful!!!”
Today’s email from the scammer:
Date: Thursday, August 20, 2009, 7:02 PM
Dear Sir,
I do not want them to participate in the Foreign Urban Cooperative Outdoor Frontiersman Fund (FUCOFF). I can fund whatever expenses involved. They will be arriving on Sunday August 30th and should return back on Sept, 30th. I will notify you once the check is mailed to your given address. I want every arrangement to be in place before their arrival.
I have no problem with the few days lessons which would only give just the basics, novice riding ability of horsemanship which cannot make them competent riders. They usually do their vacation in europe and i want them to do it differently in Alaska this time. They will come with a guardian to take care of them.
I will mail a check to you. I want them to come by end of this month. Therefore kindly give me name to write on the check and address to mail it to. I want every arrangement to be in place before their arrival.
Regards.
Best Regards,
Donald Peterson.
and my response to him:
Lessons would be $50 each for a total of $100 per day. Horses each have Mondays off so that would be for a total of 27 days. Cost would be $2,700 for the lessons and an additional $2500 each for supplies.
I instruct skijoring, specifically the Leadville variety which was developed in Leadville Colorado. The supply fee covers the cost of skis, ski boots, skijoring belt, practice leotards and cowboy hat. As you have two boys, there would be an additional $150 each for custom fleece-lined athletic supporters to protect their genitals from frostbite.
Skijoring was an exhibition sport at the 1928 olympics but was never made an official olympic sport. We are currently attempting to start a skijoring Iditorad race, similar to the dogsled race, but with our skijoring bred ponies and horses. We are hoping that if the “Skijoritorad” race gains popularity that we may be able to entice the Olympic committee to take another look at our sport for consideration. It would be lovely if you could help sponsor our endeavors with a contribution.
The total would be $8,000 plus any contribution you would like to make towards our Olympic bid.
As you can see, this is no small amount which is why I was hoping to qualify you for the FUCOFF program. It would be to your benefit and I would also have federal funding and other government benefits available to me.
Please make the check or money order payable to Mr. Bodacious Dingleberry. You may mail it to my accountant, the address is 7209 Mushinski Rd. Tampa, FL 33625.
My accountant will notify me when the funds are deposited to my account.
Most graciously yours,
Mr. Bodacious “Bo” Dingleberry
Scammers should be asked to overnight the check, as you are going out of town immediately. Must send the check overnight. Make them spend some money on that.
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Hmmm, I will see if I can get him to do that.
No no no. Make him make several deposits by overnight so he has to send 10 checks:D
Mr. Peterson, how quickly would you be able to send the funds?
My accountant, Mr. Cheatham of the firm Dewy, Cheatham and Howe, informed me that he will be traveling to Peru for a guided eco-tour to study fruitbats. If he doesn’t receive the funds by Monday then I will have to wait for him to return to make the deposit.
Mr. Dewy is long deceased (they just kept his name on the business to honor him) and Mr. Howe is currently involved in matters of a legal nature and will not be available for parole for at least another month. While Mr. Cheatham’s assistant can make the deposit, the assistant is not able to transfer the funds to me.
Best Regards,
Mr. Bodacious “Bo” Dingleberry
Damn, I wish I had seen this earlier.
OK, so if I get the bogus check from him, should I claim that Mr. Cheatham absconded to Peru with my money? Will Mr. Cheatham instead use my money to bail out his gay lover, Mr. Howe?
In a prior episode, Arby Dale died and was found by Col mustard and Ms. Peacock in the office with a candlestick, what will happen to Bodacious Dingleberry for this scambaiting installment?
I am open to suggestions…:yes:
Love the idea that Mr. Cheatham absconds with the cash. Bailing out his gay lover just adds to the hilarity.
I could see Mr. Dingleberry succumbing to a heart attack or stroke during a heated argument with Cheatham. Or getting hit by a bus while running, distracted and distraught, across traffic to the Dewey, Cheatham & Howe offices. Surely he has an assistant at the riding school in Alaska, who can inform the scammer of the sad news.
Yes, I’m working on my second glass of wine. Any suggestions are not to be taken seriously…
I have read the whole thread. Its sad, but I look forward to people trying to scam you!
I think the gay lover is great, but throw in Tim Gunn somehow too!
I have just read the entire thread. This. Is. Genius. Did you have training in scambaiting, or is this all you?!! amazing, looking forward to more. How do they all find you?
anyone I’ve ever met from Belgium spoke MUCH better English than that.
OMG, this is the BEST COTH thread EVER!!!
I’m dying over here from laughter!! I love it!!
The gay lover being bailed out and then Cheatham absconding is beautiful!
Didn’t Mr Cheatham’s gay lover from the Ukraine, who was meeting him in Peru, contact Mr Cheatham’s wife in a fit of jealous rage? As a result she has had all his assets frozen, which included your check, until a divorce settlement can be determined, which unfortunately covered your money. You are quite convinced that this will be resolved relatively quickly but unfortunately as Mr. Peterson wants his kids to come over so soon, you would have to ask him to send another check, to the same address, but to Mr. Howe so that Mr. Cheatham’s jilted wife does not get her sticky fingers on it. It would be beneficial, if possible, to send this as 4 x $2,000 checks as you know that the reporting limit in situations such as this (whatever “this” is) is $2,500. Of course once it is clearly established that the money already sent is not Mr. Cheatham but a client income, you will be happy to return the check plus interest at the current banking rate of 12% per month, to him. Alternatively depending on how his kids get along under your instruction, he might want to consider buying one of your highly trained skijoring ponies. In fact, as this sport is so new, it is possible that in the age class his kids are in, it might be possible for them to be put forward for the olympic team in very short order as there are so few kids in that age range that have any experience!
sadly, while absconding with the check, Mr. Cheatham was attacked by a swarm of Alaskan Killer Mosquitos as he was rowing his rubber dhingy out of the Juneau harbor. The rubber dhingy was thoroughly punctured and sank into the Pacific Ocean, as did Mr Cheatham and alas, the check.
Authorities are currently dredging the Juneau harbor, but sadly, there’s little hope of recovering the check, since the yellow-headed rockfish living near the bottom consider paper a delicacy. In the meantime, would Mr. Scammer be terribly inconvenienced to send another check?
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Throw in your lawyers, Wolfram & Hart and the strange incident that rendered their offices … unavailable.
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