^^ That was a pretty ride.
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I don’t ride these days and was never deep into dressage (did it a little but when I was riding, I rode western as a kid then pivoted to english when I was 18 but more with an eye towards eventing.) but this thread’s title piqued my curiosity so here I am.
I’m whiter than white like pretty much everyone else on this thread. Don’t have much advice for OP as that’s also been covered but want to say there’s a lot more Black equestrians out there than people realize - I had the honor of sharing some of their stories when I still wrote for various equestrian websites. (Honestly - always kind of grappled with “should I be the one telling this story” vs “well, I’m the one who heard about it and decided to pitch it and I know I at least will be fair in telling it and they were willing to be interviewed” - when doing some of that, like, who am I, my white butt, so to speak, to come on in and pitch doing the very few articles I wrote but, I digress.)
It absolutely sucks that you were made to feel that way, intentional or not and I’m sorry it happened. I can’t do anything about it directly but hope we all try to be more open/willing to approach the new person in any situation.
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I wonder if those saying they audited solo and no one included them missed this part of the OP.
I’ve gone to audit clinics by myself, and not been included in conversations, but I wasn’t isolated by everyone else. I was alone in the crowd, which is normal. The OP’s experience is not the same thing.
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It sounded like when she arrived, there were already people seated on the other bleachers, and she sat in the bleachers that were empty. She didn’t mention that people left her bleachers after she sat down.
I interpreted it as the lemming problem. If you arrive somewhere and 95% of the audience is seated on one set of bleachers, most people would assume that’s where you’re supposed to sit. Also, as new people arrive, they see people they already know in the crowded bleachers and go sit with them.
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Right? If I saw a bunch of people on one bleacher and some other bleachers with nobody on them, I wouldn’t go sit on the bleachers all by myself and then complain that nobody came over to play with me.
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I am a bit curious as to why she chose to sit on the bleachers without any occupants. In her original post she stated she sat where seating was available did not not notice she was solo until the first break. So, did more people come in after she sat down or was everyone already seated?
I don’t know…whenever I am in a situation where I am the only one in my demographic (quite often in my military career field), I make a point to sit with the “crowd”.
I am a social awkward person and it is difficult for me at times but it does no good to self-isolate in those scenarios. Maybe it’s just my experience and my personality - I will SHOW you I belong! I will shove my way in and shove my way in even more if I get a vibe they don’t want me around.
But I have had to do a lot of shoving my way into being seen and heard in my professional and personal life.
Since the auditors (as described by the original post) were “fawning over Anna,” I tend to lean towards she self-isolated and the other auditors either didn’t think she wanted to talk to anyone or were just so focused on the individual they came to see, they didn’t notice her or anyone else outside their group.
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I hope @luv2ride113 comes back and clears up the question of whether people actually moved away from her during the rides before the break, when she noticed she was sitting alone.
The OP owes us nothing, and the amount of “victim blaming” (not quite the right phrase, but close enough) in this thread is making me nauseous.
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Why does it matter?
She felt excluded. This is an online forum, no one is owed their speculation being cleared up.
Most of those on this thread until recently, were taking this as a reminder for themselves to be more mindful about ensuring everyone feels like they belong. Whether it was intentional or not, whether people got up and moved away from OP or not really does not matter in the grand scheme of things.
Then, apparently some other posters (I have them on ignore and have to click “view ignored post” to see them) started speculating about how they wouldn’t sit by themselves and then complain that no one came over to play with them, which, great. Good for you. No need to chastise some internet stranger you very likely don’t know for not interacting with the world exactly as you do. And another poster started saying it sounded like OP self-isolated.
Again…it does not matter. Someone felt excluded. They wanted to vent about it/possibly remind people to be more mindful. It’s not that deep. This is an online forum, we don’t have the full facts, we’re not owed them, unless every last one of us was at the clinic, we can’t say what really happened, and even if we were all there, we still might disagree because everyone perceives events differently.
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Having been in the position of having to ask other auditors to take their conversation outside, I would choose to sit away from other people so I could hear the clinician speaking to the riders. I would also be the one in my group to suggest moving to a less crowded seating area if it were available. I find it hard to believe that I’m the only one who would.
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You couldn’t be more wrong. If people purposely moved away from her that is an entirely different thing from no one approaching her after she seated herself alone. I’m shocked that anyone doesn’t see that.
- I haven’t speculated, not once. I am simply asking for clarification.
- You are not the moderator. You don’t get to pass judgement about what people ask.
- Please see my thread in Off Course regarding eating meat. People went nuts when I did not clear up their speculation.
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I didn’t say you speculated, specifically, I observed other posters who did in my post, you chose to read it as such.
I interpreted OP as coming here to vent. No more, no less, not that deep. Most of us chose to respond with kindness which isn’t really that difficult to do.
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Little wonder, since you directed your post at me.
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Yes because you were another one asking the question.
Note though, neither of those said “SillyHorse” said this.
I was just observing too, why at least one other person on this thread besides me was telling people that OP owes us nothing. Because, besides you, at least two other people noted that to them it seemed like OP self-isolated and/or sat by themselves then came here and decided to complain.
And this still doesn’t change the fact that, IMO, it really doesn’t matter why or how OP came to feel excluded. OP felt excluded. We’re not the Grand Poobahs of the internet here to declare OP’s emotions valid or invalid. Let’s not derail this thread.
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Let’s say what we want to say without you or anyone else telling us we shouldn’t. Threads get “derailed” and go in different directions all the time. It’s not for you to stop that.
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Not chastising anyone. Making an observation.
Maybe people need to realize they have some responsibility too in certain situations. Just maybe.
PS if you have me on ignore please feel free to leave me there. When you choose not to, also feel free to address me directly. As I did you.
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Same here
It does matter if the OP made the choice to exclude herself by sitting alone.
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That’s great for you, but the thing about life is, everyone gets to make their own choices, and everyone’s life experiences shapes how they view the world and approach situations that occur.
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PM me when you’re in Aiken!! I live in Aiken - always fun to have new friends. I also lived in Los Angeles for 10 years and in Mississippi for 10 years so have been around a bit, lol.
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