Inclusion

[Ajierene]

@mmeqcenter

That’s great for you, but the thing about life is, everyone gets to make their own choices, and everyone’s life experiences shapes how they view the world and approach situations that occur.

That is absolutely correct and while my life isn’t perfect and sometimes it is very difficult to do so, I CHOOSE to see the positive or better side when possible.

Some people focus on the positive/good in people until they are proven wrong and I find them to be the nicest, most content individuals. I strive to be that way.

Some people choose to see the negative side at every step and are some of the most unhappy people I have met.

Most people are somewhere in the middle and sometimes someone has to take some self-reflection (myself included) to see that their train of thought is on the wrong tracks.

A short, relatable story. For a time the Squadron I worked in, my particular additional duty meant I sat in an office down the hall from the shared office of my colleagues (all male). One other (male) colleague also worked in a separate office right next to the shared office that everyone else worked in. I started to wonder why my colleagues would consistently go to lunch without asking me and started to feel a certain way. Someone mentioned that they didn’t think sexism was involved, they thought it was something innocuous like not knowing if I wanted to go to lunch or last minute plans.

So I decided one day to walk down the hall and figure it out - well turns out that around lunchtime they start talking about it and people would invite themselves. The male that worked in the office next to the shared office would WALK OVER to the shared office to invite himself for lunch.

I realized the problem was me - my social anxiety, my introverted personality, my trait of getting involved in work and losing track of time. Once I realized that and started setting an alarm/making a point to walk down the hall to see what was going on, I started going to lunch with people.

[Ajierene]

When I went to the USAF DEI Implementation class, the first thing Grady Floyd did was tell us his story.

He told us how when he joined the military he got into more than a few fights with other Airmen - he, a black man, was constantly getting into fights with white Airmen. He got in trouble for fighting in basic training, in technical school, at his first duty station. He almost got kicked out. He was standing there, an angry young black man, in the commander’s office, waiting for the decision on how punishment was going to go when a SSgt stepped up and said he would take him under his wing. That supervisor was given 6 months to get him compliant with military standards.

What Mr. Floyd had to realize before moving forward was the common denominator in all those fights. The common denominator was him…he was STARTING the fights. He was picking fights with white men because he had been brought up to distrust them.

Mr. Floyd explained that while what his parents taught should not be looked at in the realm of “right or wrong”, he needed to understand that it had caused him to develop an attitude that was not going to do him well in the career and life he wanted. He had to adjust his own attitude to continue forward.

This is a man that challenged us throughout the weak - challenged us to look at a life through a different lens, upset people because he challenged them. He also understood the true intent of DEI and how it was meant to be implemented. He also understood that we all walk through life with our own biases and they aren’t necessarily bad but to be cautious that we don’t let them hinder us.

[mmeqcenter]

You’re able to choose to see the positive side or “invite yourself to lunch” because of your white privilege. It’s all good and well to tell everyone to “think positive!” But it’s really just not that simple in practice, especially for someone in a minority that has been beat down by this society their entire life.

[GraceLikeRain]

These dog whistles are making my ears hurt.

An anecdote or even a proliferation of anecdotes does not negate the very real and constant presences of systemic racism, internalized bias, and lived experience of people of color.

[Ajierene]

@mmeqcenter

You’re able to choose to see the positive side or “invite yourself to lunch” because of your white privilege. It’s all good and well to tell everyone to “think positive!” But it’s really just not that simple in practice, especially for someone in a minority that has been beat down by this society their entire life.

I am impressed you have such a great understanding of how easy my life has been and how much (or little) discrimination I have faced due to any demographic I am, or am not in.

I choose to decide you are not intentionally being dismissive of my struggles in life but instead are acting with the best of intentions in mind.

[Annie10]

Isolating yourself and then deciding it’s racism/sexism/whatever ism when others don’t leave what they’re doing and go where you are is kind of silly.
Ive had similar experiences as Aijerene myself. It would have been easy to just write it off as sexism/racism/misogynism etc when had I been in the room I would have been invited too. Sitting in my office by myself made that more difficult. Often out of sight out of mind as it were.

For some, carrying chips on their shoulders alone get awfully heavy.

[Annie10]

@GraceLikeRain

These dog whistles are making my ears hurt.

An anecdote or even a proliferation of anecdotes does not negate the very real and constant presences of systemic racism, internalized bias, and lived experience of people of color.

Of course it’s out there. But it’s not ALWAYS.
Sometimes a little introspection and hard honesty with oneself is in order. It’s easy to just blame things on something else, leave it in control of others, and not change your own behavior or realize what you can do about it.

[axl]

Methinks that CE being closed is resulting in more chippiness on other threads.

I think chippy is the right word to use here.

[f0rf31t]

This was such a nice, low-key thread that, to me at least, read like someone venting and several others realizing that hey, we all should try to be a little more approachable and then one contingent of posters came along and start ruining it by making a mountain out of a molehill as to whether OP self-isolated by sitting where she did or not and why she didn’t just go up and hang out. (Not everyone, regardless of race, is going to be uber-extroverted and the type to go hang out with a bunch of people they don’t know, especially if they already feel like they’re the odd one out.)

[f0rf31t]

In the past, I’ve volunteered at local eventing and dressage shows in my area. Years ago (pre-pandemic, for sure, probably pre-2018) I remember volunteering at a local horse trial.

There were some Black folks present, supporting a family member of theirs (also Black) who was competing.

I can remember some of the volunteers making a big deal about the one Black guy competing because prior to taking up eventing, he’d apparently been a professional athlete (no one I’d heard of) and I just remember thinking it probably gets so old being him and having everyone make a big deal about you being there when you just want to spend time with your horse doing your thing. I was running the gate for the warm-up ring so my only interaction with him was holding the gate and telling him “nice horse” (his horse was pretty! Biiiig draft cross, if I remember right.) as he left. He said thank you, seemed nice enough a guy. I just remember feeling like it was kinda silly for some of the other volunteers to make such a big deal about this guy who was just there to compete like anyone else.

EDIT: To clarify I just remember noticing it seemed like so many people were making an extra big deal about the guy because he happened to be Black and potentially (?) well-known. (No one ask me who this guy was I cannot remember. I want to say his horse was a dark color and possibly pinto/paint pattern but it’s been long enough I cannot remember any details past what I shared.)

[f0rf31t]

Definition of white privilege for those who may need it since that’s coming up:

Definition of WHITE PRIVILEGE

And an article that breaks the concept down well:

Understanding White Privilege

In short - white privilege does not imply that you, personally are privileged in the sense that you, personally, have a great deal of financial wealth, that you, personally, have not had to put in an honest day’s work in your life or that you, personally, are a pretty pampered prince/princess being waited upon hand and foot.

Rather, the concept of white privilege is that those who are white in an area where white people are the racial majority have an innate privilege in the form of not having to fear for their lives during interactions with the police, in the form of being judged fairly for the content of their character rather than the color of their skin and in the form of being able to easily find positive portrayals of people of their race in the media (and not just in one narrow realm of achievement).

E.g. I am not financially well-off and I have white privilege. If I get pulled over for a minor infraction, my biggest concern is whether I’m going to get a ticket or not. I’m not worried about whether I’m going to be beaten or even killed by the officer pulling me over. If I’m applying to a job, I don’t have to consider whether the name my parent gave me is something that’ll hinder me because it’s clearly a name tied to a specific culture with all the preconceived notions someone might have. I don’t have to worry about being judged as less-than by someone for the color of my skin, or being mistaken for “the help” at a certain type of event for the color of my skin.

[f0rf31t]

I keep thinking of some of the Black equestrians I’ve gotten to know and how important they say representation is. How they’ve told me “representation matters.”

Then I see some people on this thread. Humanity. Ugh.

[Mardi1]

@mmeqcenter

You’re able to choose to see the positive side or “invite yourself to lunch” because of your white privilege.

C’mon now. The squadron lunch story had nothing to do with white privilege.
Read the last paragraph again:
“I realized the problem was me - my social anxiety, my introverted personality, my trait of getting involved in work and losing track of time. Once I realized that and started setting an alarm/making a point to walk down the hall to see what was going on, I started going to lunch with people.”

[Jackie_Cochran]

The one thing that has really impressed me about the ASB people is how they voluntarily recognized a black horseman, Tom Bass, as a GREAT horseman. To be honest that has surprised me since I learned about it, too bad all the other great Black horsemen in the breed were not recognized and lauded by the Powers That Be too.

American TB horse racing also owes a lot to Black riders. It was mostly slave jockeys who rode the first great American TBs when trained, exercised, and running races. I recommend the book “The Great Match Race” by John Eisenberg about the match race between the Northern great TB American Eclipse and the Southern great TB Sir Henry, the first great sports event in American history, in 1823. The author goes in pretty good detail about how these horses were raised and trained back then.

The American TB horses back then were made of steel and many of them could run “forever” (races were 4 miles and some of these races took 3 to 5 heats of 4 miles to determine the winner). Today’s TBs would melt in a puddle after the first 2 miles (Kelso might have stood up to it.)

[volvo_240]

I was impressed by the initial discourse and empathy, and honestly surprised it took this long to get to ‘nuh uh you just think everyone is racist you need to change your perspective’.

[volvo_240]

I think you are missing part of the point. We all deal with various social anxieties etc in this situation, particularly in the fairly insular horse community.

OP faces these challenges PLUS a lifetime of experience where racial bias has been in play. That is what is meant by privilege.

[mmeqcenter]

@Ajierene

I choose to decide you are not intentionally being dismissive of my struggles in life but instead are acting with the best of intentions in mind.

Like you’re not intentionally being dismissive of peoples struggles by recommending they just change their mindset?

[Annie10]

She stated what worked for her in her situation and that she got positive results. When some insist on making everything everyone else’s fault all the time IMHO nothing good comes of it. There’s a common denominator there.

[mmeqcenter]

Acknowledging major societal issues heavily prevalent in the equine community is not “making everything everyone else’s fault.”

[ThreeWishes]

Classic COTH. A member shares their vent, Their perspective and history … how it felt …and a bunch of people swoop in to try and diminish her experience… based on their perceived “oppression”. lol.