Intrusive neighbours

[trubandloki]

@Rosie8888

That’s what I used to think

All this animosity is because she asked you if the horse bucked you off yet?
Wow!

Like someone else said, it is not strange for people to think that is how backing a horse goes. If they have never experienced the whole process they might simply not know. I don’t see how that chatty question makes the neighbor anything other than what they have always been.

If they are on your property simply tell them that you need to concentrate and “I am sorry but I would really like to ride with out an audience”.

[merrygoround]

Do not under any circumstances, stop and talk to her.

Learn to focus so that you can ignore her, but do electrify that fence ti inhibit her leaning on it. In fact electrify all fences, and keep her off your land.

As far as her, or roll eyes, her children riding, NO is a marvelous word.

[JanM]

You need to stop her trespassing on your property. If she even trips, you know what will happen. One of these days, you’ll come home, and find her and her kids having a pony party on your horse.

Mark your perimeter fence with No Trespassing signs. You can’t do anything about her bothering you when she’s off your property, but you certainly need to keep her, and her kids off your property.

[asb_own_me]

“No.”
That is a complete sentence.
You don’t need to qualify it with any “, because my insurance…”, “, because xyz…” or anything else. Just NO.

It also sounds like a new, prominently placed “NO TRESPASSING” sign is in order.

[16_Hands]

“You need to stop her trespassing on your property. If she even trips, you know what will happen. One of these days, you’ll come home, and find her and her kids having a pony party on your horse.” This totally. It was my first thought that sometime soon, you’re going to find out that she’s been letting her kids ride your horse.

[Rackonteur]

@Arlomine

Rehearse what you want to say to her in your mind, and realize that “in the moment”, it will most likely get changed a bit.
examples:
When she’s hanging on the fence: “Hi there, I can’t talk now, I’ll catch you later” Then DO NOT TALK TO HER. Ride.
when she brings up riding your horse: “I do not let other people ride my horses, and please not ask me again”.

You are not being petty, she is being dense and rude. The nice thing is that this is a great opportunity to practice standing up for yourself!

She’s not being dense, she’s being a bully.

Can you take out a restraining order to keep her away?

[candyappy]

@Rosie8888

I have a underlying suspicion theres something deliberate in her doing that. She herself does know horses to some extent as she has them, and a flighty one at that. I think its because I’m trying to keep her at arms length and she knows it but is also aware I’m too soft, as she said her self last year.

She may also be just clueless about beeping her horn. After 28 years of marriage and having horses at home the whole time my husband does not even think about firing up the chain saw, weed eater or any other potential implement that may cause me to part company with my horse ( green or otherwise) it is my job as a rider to be aware of my surroundings so I can deal with things like that.

As far as her watching you while you train, there really is nothing you can do if she can watch you from her own property. I would just ignore her and continue working with your horse.
If she comes onto your property and you don’t want her there then you can ask her to call first to see if you have time to visit , otherwise you would prefer she not just show up unannounced.

[GraceLikeRain]

Respectfully, I think a lot of this advice isnt really reasonable for someone who hates conflict interacting with an ex-cop. Cops are trained and spend their careers practicing how to manage a space. Whether she is aware or not of what she is doing, she has a lot of experience on her side.

She’s your neighbor. She’s a PITA and wants a free horse with zero effort. You opened the door with a mumbled “maybe at some point”. Trying to get a restraining order or chewing her out is going to end suuuuper poorly.

I’d fake an incident. Don’t go out of your way to engage and the next time you intersect with her casually mention “oh ya, he’s going through that tricky phase. He spun and kicked out the other day. Thankfully he missed my head but wow!! He will get through it but he’s a bit tricky right now”.

Just wash and repeat. She doesnt need to know that he’s great and it doesn’t matter if he’s great when she sees him. Plant a seed that he’s a green young unpredictable horse. If she has the audacity to bring it back up “i’m so sorry. he’s just so unpredictable. I could never let another person on him”. Pull a black beauty. Let her whine about how her kids are great riders. Just keep repeating he isn’t safe and you won’t let anyone else on him.

If you can move your gates or rearrange things so that you dont have to get within earshot of her, I would definitely do so.

[skydy]

@GraceLikeRain

Respectfully, I think a lot of this advice isnt really reasonable for someone who hates conflict interacting with an ex-cop. Cops are trained and spend their careers practicing how to manage a space. Whether she is aware or not of what she is doing, she has a lot of experience on her side.

She’s your neighbor. She’s a PITA and wants a free horse with zero effort. You opened the door with a mumbled “maybe at some point”. Trying to get a restraining order or chewing her out is going to end suuuuper poorly.

I’d fake an incident. Don’t go out of your way to engage and the next time you intersect with her casually mention “oh ya, he’s going through that tricky phase. He spun and kicked out the other day. Thankfully he missed my head but wow!! He will get through it but he’s a bit tricky right now”.

Just wash and repeat. She doesnt need to know that he’s great and it doesn’t matter if he’s great when she sees him. Plant a seed that he’s a green young unpredictable horse. If she has the audacity to bring it back up “i’m so sorry. he’s just so unpredictable. I could never let another person on him”. Pull a black beauty. Let her whine about how her kids are great riders. Just keep repeating he isn’t safe and you won’t let anyone else on him.

If you can move your gates or rearrange things so that you dont have to get within earshot of her, I would definitely do so.

I don’t think that dishonesty (“faking an incident”) is ever a good idea. It just complicates matters. Short and to the point is always a good start.
The neighbor wants horses for her kids to ride. The OP has to say no. It’s not that difficult to explain to the neighbor that liability is a problem, so the kids won’t be riding OP’s horses. It is up to the neighbor to sell her kid’s unsuitable horse or pony and find something else, or to find a lesson program so her kids can ride.

OP , I don’t blame you one bit for wanting nothing to do with your neighbor. Any neighbor who speculated in my presence about what could be done with my parent’s assets when they died, would be persona non grata from that moment on.

[Weezer]

I have non-horsey neighbours who love to come watch the horses and I told them that I will not stop to talk if I am working a horse. I ignore them and they watch quietly. If I don’t feel like having them around, I’ll politely comment that I have trouble focusing when they are watching and perhaps they could come by when I’m not working the horse. I do make a point of stopping to chat if they come by when I am doing chores.

I’ve also turned away requests to get on my horse by simply saying that I don’t like to share my horse. As long as you are polite, it’s not your problem if she is offended and you can’t expect her to know what you want if you’re not clear. Good luck!

[kande04]

@skydy

I don’t think that dishonesty (“faking an incident”) is ever a good idea. It just complicates matters. Short and to the point is always a good start.

I also think that the more we can protect our horses, the better, so I’d just tell her that her kids won’t be riding my horses because that wouldn’t be good for my horses. That also leaves my options open if I decide to let someone else ride my horses (someone who would be good for them).

I do sometimes mention liability in the context that I’d only take that kind of a liability risk if the benefits to my horses had the potential to be greater than the risk.

If someone asks about lessons I just tell them that I don’t carry that kind of insurance, and if they want to go horseback riding their best bet is to go to the local rent-a-horse-by-the-hour place, because they not only carry that kind of insurance, but their horses are much safer than mine because they’re not as “well rested”.

[PamnReba]

I would worry about the kids coming over for free rides when you’re not there. And she seems like the type of person that the more you antagonize (just by saying no), the more you run the risk of them doing things behind your back instead of in front of your face. I would work hard to make sure the horse is secured to the point that they couldn’t get to him/on him without bolt cutters, a chain saw and a torch. Perhaps a six-foot privacy fence between the two properties is in order as well? Once you have those security measures in place, then let her know, in no uncertain terms, the neither she nor her kids are welcome to come over without an invitation.

[rockymouse]

My kiddo had a bike that he loved and a neighbor kid, whom he did not love, kept pestering to ride the bike. Finally my kiddo said, “Oh, I don’t let anyone else ride my bike any more…not after what happened last time.” Then when the neighbor kid demanded to know what happened last time, my son just shook his head slowly and said, “noooo, I don’t want to even think about it.”

I felt slightly odd about it, since he was fibbing, but I thought it was kinda clever and it was mysterious enough that it kept the younger kid from ever asking again. Keep that in the back of your mind if you ever need it!

[Alex_and_Bodie_s_Mom]

@Rosie8888

She walks across our yard, on to the property to watch. I dont mind people watching that I trust who dont have ulterior motives such as waiting for my elderly parents to die so she can buy the land which is what she said in so many words, and pestering for her kids to ride green horses

Hold it. Why is she allowed to be on your property again? Why is she allowed to walk across your yard and then bother you?

Put up a yard fence and a gate across the driveway. Keep the gate closed when you’re not coming or going. If you make it impossible to get onto your property, she can’t.

Sprinklers on a remote control or motion sensor would be totally awesome, too . . . as would a pair of Dobermans, a la Zeus and Apollo from ‘Magnum PI.’

[JanM]

You need to stop the trespassing by this woman, and her kids. Tell her to stop, and when she ignores you, tell her bluntly to leave. She’s not your friend, she’s a bully.

[Reynard_Ridge]

I think you should tackle the problem head on. Invite her over specifically for a cup of coffee (or whatever) and have a specific conversation with her. Tell her you are uncomfortable having her stop by and you would prefer that she not do it. It’s really that simple.

Expecting that you can communicate your feelings through action (ignoring her, changing your behavior, etc) is expecting her to read your mind. Just tell her what’s going on and give her direction on what your expectations are with regard to your property and your animals.

The invitation part is important; it gives you time to prepare properly in terms of the language you want to use (role play and practice ahead of time) and it takes away any “heat of the moment” reaction. Make it clear, simple, and decisive. And if she ignores you and shows up again anyway, you have the ability to remind her that you had asked her to please leave you alone. If she continues to ignore you, it’s a different problem.

[demidq]

Reynard Ridge- well put.

[Alpha_Mare]

Agree with Reynard and others.

I have met others who asked to ride my horse and my thought was, she’s MY horse. Why would I let you ride my horse? No way, any more than I’d let you borrow my car just for the fun of it?

No explanation needed, just ‘no’.

Not smiling at people is also helpful. And it’s fine to give the ‘you again???’ attitude if she comes over- considering she’s suggested plans for when your parents pass away. Beyond the pale that one.

Asking if her kids can ride - i’d say Why are you asking again? I already told you NO. (as in, what kind of pest are you?).

Good luck and let us know how it works out.

[chai]

Many years ago I ran a co-op barn on a private estate. The estate owner’s daughter allowed a movie company to film on their property, and one of the movie executives stopped to tell me how much she loved my horse and how she would love to ride him some time. Not wanting to be rude, I said to her, " Oh, we’ll try to arrange that some time." Of course I was trying to brush her off, but when I got to the barn the next day, guess who was riding my horse around the movie set.
I was furious, and when I spoke to the estate owner’s daughter, she told me something I have never forgotten, “If you mean no, say no because there are people who will always push if you aren’t crystal clear.”
OP, if someone is pushy enough to invade your space and try to manipulate you because you are kind, they deserve hearing plain old, no-excuses, “NO” because that’s the only way to make it crystal clear.
The fact that she told you she thinks you are ‘soft’ and honked the horn while you were backing your young horse gives me the impression that she has some kind of latent animosity, jealousy, desire to see you fail and that is just bizarre.
You don’t owe this woman or her kids anything. Be strong, protect yourself from annoyance and even more from liability because believe me, if her kids get hurt on your horse, it’s going to cost you.
Best of luck with your youngster - I love the fact that you’re taking your time and working with a good trainer, too.

[clanter]

@Alex and Bodie's Mom

as would a pair of Dobermans,

when our kids were very young a neighbor had a pair of Dobermans, our kids called them German Snapper Dogs as the dogs always charged the fence with teeth showing