Intrusive neighbours

[Zevida]

I agree that you need to be more direct.

Do not come over unless I’ve explicitly invited you. If she does come, tell her to leave. If she won’t leave, do not talk to her, put away the horse as fast as possible (tack off and in stall), and go in the house. In other words don’t engage and don’t give her a reason to come or stay.

But in addition I’d look to ways to have her over by invitation. Invite her for coffee on Saturday mornings or drinks on Thursday evenings. Give her the outlet where she is allowed over (time boxed) and that will make it easier to say hard no at other times. This is in the interest of keeping a positive neighborly relationship. There’s a chance she abuses this and then you might just have to burn the bridge entirely.

[merrygoround]

@Zevida

I agree that you need to be more direct.

Do not come over unless I’ve explicitly invited you. If she does come, tell her to leave. If she won’t leave, do not talk to her, put away the horse as fast as possible (tack off and in stall), and go in the house. In other words don’t engage and don’t give her a reason to come or stay.

But in addition I’d look to ways to have her over by invitation. Invite her for coffee on Saturday mornings or drinks on Thursday evenings. Give her the outlet where she is allowed over (time boxed) and that will make it easier to say hard no at other times. This is in the interest of keeping a positive neighborly relationship. There’s a chance she abuses this and then you might just have to burn the bridge entirely.

Good grief!! You don’t feed a nuisance and expect it to stay away!!! Drinks! H—! No!

[S1969]

@Alex and Bodie's Mom

Hold it. Why is she allowed to be on your property again? Why is she allowed to walk across your yard and then bother you?

Put up a yard fence and a gate across the driveway. Keep the gate closed when you’re not coming or going. If you make it impossible to get onto your property, she can’t.

Sprinklers on a remote control or motion sensor would be totally awesome, too . . . as would a pair of Dobermans, a la Zeus and Apollo from ‘Magnum PI.’

I can’t imagine erecting a fence and getting dogs to keep one of my neighbors from stepping into the yard. Not to mention it would cost thousands of dollars.

Making peace with neighbors is a good thing. I’m sure there is a way to make this situation better without alienating the neighbors which is never ideal if you can avoid it. I have some less than desirable neighbors who I definitely don’t want to make enemies of - we get along, and that’s enough.

I would wait until the next time the neighbor comes to “watch” and/or if she just comes over to chat and take that opportunity to turn the conversation around. “Thanks for your interest - but you know, I find I work a lot better with him if I don’t have an audience. Do you mind not stopping by when you see me working with the horses? Maybe we can meet up another time for coffee instead and I can tell you how it’s going.”

If the topic of her kids and their need for a horse comes up again – “I can give you the name of the trainer who helped me find this guy. I’m sure she can help you find something suitable.”

If any topic comes up about anyone riding your horses - “Oh, sorry. I don’t let people ride my horses.”

And definitely mention - “please don’t beep your horn - he’s a steady guy, but it startled me, and I don’t want to get hurt.” (Not about the horse - now it’s about you.)

[trubandloki]

Great post @S1969 !

[mmeqcenter]

@Alex and Bodie's Mom

Hold it. Why is she allowed to be on your property again? Why is she allowed to walk across your yard and then bother you?

Put up a yard fence and a gate across the driveway. Keep the gate closed when you’re not coming or going. If you make it impossible to get onto your property, she can’t.

Sprinklers on a remote control or motion sensor would be totally awesome, too . . . as would a pair of Dobermans, a la Zeus and Apollo from ‘Magnum PI.’

My property is completely perimeter fenced with a front a gate. My neighbor, who has my phone number and has certainly texted and called me before, will still just walk on over, opening my gate, all willy-nilly with nary a call or text in the middle of the day to tell me something. Thankfully, she appears to have gotten the hint when the last two times she did it I approached her obviously very annoyed and rushed her back out the front gate. I think it’s very much a generational thing sometimes (she’s in her 60s, I’m in my 30s); you know Boomers grew up without cell phones and you usually just went over to your neighborhood friend’s house to see if they were home. But regardless, rude people are going to be rude no matter what.

Personally, I have no concern with trying to approach something like this in a way that keeps a friendly neighborly relationship with someone who is as rude as the OP’s neighbor, and would literally never invite them over for an “outlet” or for coffee to update them on my progress. That is, frankly, none of their business. Cordiality from a distance is more than enough.

[Alex_and_Bodie_s_Mom]

@S1969

I can’t imagine erecting a fence and getting dogs to keep one of my neighbors from stepping into the yard. Not to mention it would cost thousands of dollars.

Making peace with neighbors is a good thing. I’m sure there is a way to make this situation better without alienating the neighbors which is never ideal if you can avoid it. I have some less than desirable neighbors who I definitely don’t want to make enemies of - we get along, and that’s enough.

I would wait until the next time the neighbor comes to “watch” and/or if she just comes over to chat and take that opportunity to turn the conversation around. “Thanks for your interest - but you know, I find I work a lot better with him if I don’t have an audience. Do you mind not stopping by when you see me working with the horses? Maybe we can meet up another time for coffee instead and I can tell you how it’s going.”

If the topic of her kids and their need for a horse comes up again – “I can give you the name of the trainer who helped me find this guy. I’m sure she can help you find something suitable.”

If any topic comes up about anyone riding your horses - “Oh, sorry. I don’t let people ride my horses.”

And definitely mention - “please don’t beep your horn - he’s a steady guy, but it startled me, and I don’t want to get hurt.” (Not about the horse - now it’s about you.)

You’re very lucky not to have totally cray-cray neighbors like I have, then. Neighbors who think nothing of coming onto YOUR property and shooting YOUR dog in YOUR hayfield, for example. Who think nothing of ‘helping’ themselves to the tools in your garage, too. Or coming on to your property to spray your rose bushes, lilies, and other heirloom flowers with weed killer.

This neighbor sound nuts. She beeps the horn, knowing it will spook the horse. She trespasses. This is not someone to whom I think it necessary to be nice. Boundaries, both real and intangible, need set, and need set now.

[trubandloki]

@Alex and Bodie's Mom

You’re very lucky not to have totally cray-cray neighbors like I have, then. Neighbors who think nothing of coming onto YOUR property and shooting YOUR dog in YOUR hayfield, for example. Who think nothing of ‘helping’ themselves to the tools in your garage, too. Or coming on to your property to spray your rose bushes, lilies, and other heirloom flowers with weed killer.

Clearly the level of crazy you have as a neighbor is not typical or what is being referred to in S1969’s post.

@Alex and Bodie's Mom

This neighbor sound nuts. She beeps the horn, knowing it will spook the horse.

I think we have learned that this neighbor is not the most horse smart so I am not willing to make the leap that this neighbor knows that beeping the horn will spook the horse.

I was hacking down the edge of the road and I had a horse person neighbor (who does not actually know me) drive by me, very close, and beep the horn as they waved.
Not everyone has the same horse knowledge as is clearly shown every day on this board. If you (general) have not dealt with a noise reactive horse in your life you might not realize that some horses find a honking horn to be scary.

Though I guess it technically is trespassing, I do not really consider a neighbor coming over to say hi to me as them being evil. I do not like guests that show up unannounced (or at all really) but I would never make the leap that my neighbors are anything but being friendly if I have never told them to please not show up like that and it is pretty clear the OP has never told this person that their visits are an issue.

[CoolCats]

I’ve had a chance to read most of the responses to the OP’s original post and meddlesome neighbors, bystanders and rail birds seem to be a phenomenon unique to owning a horse. I had similar situations happen with my last 2 horses - both rescues and both major jigsaw puzzles with pieces missing - damaged, terrified and defensive. Everybody is going to offer advice, criticisms, wise cracks, whatever. I found that a smile or thank you and “I really need to focus right now, but thanks” or just ignoring them seems to work best. Not rude - just politely decline/dismiss whatever they say. Most aren’t trying to be obnoxious - they can’t seem to help themselves! That’s for you to decide - after your ride.

So many people wanted to ride my horse(s). I always responded “sorry, I’m the only one that ever rides my horse” - period. No explanation. And my mare was a kid-magnet (short, round, white, cute - a princess pony), so it was endless! It was tough and one time a kid got very rude and demanding - brought over her parents and I told them that this is my horse and NO ONE rides her except ME. That was the end of it.

There’s a little more to both stories, but the bottom line is there’s no reason to get mad and I understand that you were being the nice person you are! So just smile, be pleasant and say no. And learn to focus on your horse and your riding (get into the zone) - eventually you won’t notice them - block out the “noise”.

And keep up the good work with your youngster :yes:

[asb_own_me]

Nothing to do with nosy/intrusive neighbors, exactly - but I’ve never understood the “can I ride your horse?” thing. Why do people think it’s okay? Like touching someone’s baby bump. Or inviting yourself to hump my husband. It’s weird.

[BayBondGirl]

@asb_own_me

Or inviting yourself to hump my husband.

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

[16_Hands]

I’ve had people actually say “I’m coming over to ride your horse.” Not even ask, just state. I’ve gotten good at saying no you’re not. When I’m feeling snarky I tell them sure, and I’ll take your car for a spin while you’re riding. That stops them dead in their tracks.

[asb_own_me]

@BayBondGirl

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

Okay, now this really got me thinking

I always hated showing at state fairs. Really rude, pushy fairgoers and things got worse the later it got. During the day, you’d get a lot of unattended kids running at your horse’s backside, parents shoving strollers under the nose of your crosstied horse, or even walking up with aforementioned kiddo and trying to plop them on your horse’s back :eek: In the evening, the drunk 20-somethings seemed to like to prowl through the aisles.

So, picture the Minnesota State Fair, maybe 2011 or 2012? It’s late enough the evening session is over, but several of us are hanging out to keep the drunks out of our barn aisle and more specifically, from opening stall doors and trying to feed our show horses brats and beer. The Fair was generally very generous with security around the horse barns, but they couldn’t be everywhere at once.

A group of four - two couples - clearly drunk or at least well on their way, come barging down the aisle. Stop to look in each stall, sticking their arms in through the bars, of course we ask them politely to not do that. We get a lot of eye rolling and sniggering, they continue down the aisle to the corner and clearly think they are far enough away that our group either isn’t paying attention or can’t see. But we can. Miss Loudmouth Buckle Bunny opens one of the stalls and I am on her like stink on sh!t before she has even turned around to her friends. I tell her in a no-longer nice tone to get the f@ck out of the horse’s stall. My friends and fellow horse owners go running to find the nearest security guards.

Miss Loudmouth Buckle Bunny tosses her hair and tells me that SHE paid admission to the fair so she can touch whatever she damn well pleases. I look at her and then at Fake Cowboy Boyfriend…took two steps over to him and started FEELING HIM UP. I told her I paid admission too

I have to say, I was impressed at how fast she left that stall.

Sometimes you really have to illustrate boundaries for people. Some are very visual learners :lol::lol::lol:

[BatCoach]

@asb_own_me

Nothing to do with nosy/intrusive neighbors, exactly - but I’ve never understood the “can I ride your horse?” thing. Why do people think it’s okay? Like touching someone’s baby bump. Or inviting yourself to hump my husband. It’s weird.

I can only guess that non-horse people asking this have only ever interacted with rent-a horse trail string horses, or maybe had a benevolent (or clueless) auntie in the country who let them ride her bomb-proof nag. They have NO IDEA of what a show horse is, or that many people’s horses are not backyard ATVs with legs. They figure since they sat their bums in a saddle once or twice and lived to tell the tale, they now know how to ride (cuz all horses are the same right?) To those types I suppose owning a horse is the same as owning a pool, an RV or a 4-wheeler. They view it as a ‘fun’ recreational item that we surely purchased to share with all of our pals.

I once had a very dim co-worker who assumed that my horse lived at the local rent-a-nag trail ride place. She thought it was terrible that I rode him 5 times a week since this was on top of his imaginary trail ride job. When I showed her pictures of us in our dressage gear and how he lived a quite nice life at a private barn, she remarked she had no idea that people kept horses that way. To her, horses were either race horses or trail horses. ¯_(ツ)_/¯

So yeah, I chock it up to just plain ignorance and rudeness. Even if a co-worker or friend did get a cool new motorcycle or pool or whatever, I would not invite myself over to use it. Guess my mama just raised me better!

[ThreeFigs]

Batcoach, LOVE your “emoji”!

I have a cousin who figured since my older Second Cousin had a cattle ranch, that it was also a “dude ranch” and our ranch horses were available (for relatives) to ride. That may have been true at one time, but by the time Cousin Jimmy asked, the only horses left were a pair of arthritic elderly Quarter Horses. And they had three eyes between them. So, no, cousin, you and your brood are not welcome to pester these two old pensioners!

[Rosie8888]

@trubandloki

Clearly the level of crazy you have as a neighbor is not typical or what is being referred to in S1969’s post.

I think we have learned that this neighbor is not the most horse smart so I am not willing to make the leap that this neighbor knows that beeping the horn will spook the horse.

I was hacking down the edge of the road and I had a horse person neighbor (who does not actually know me) drive by me, very close, and beep the horn as they waved.
Not everyone has the same horse knowledge as is clearly shown every day on this board. If you (general) have not dealt with a noise reactive horse in your life you might not realize that some horses find a honking horn to be scary.

Though I guess it technically is trespassing, I do not really consider a neighbor coming over to say hi to me as them being evil. I do not like guests that show up unannounced (or at all really) but I would never make the leap that my neighbors are anything but being friendly if I have never told them to please not show up like that and it is pretty clear the OP has never told this person that their visits are an issue.

I have told her- many times.

[Rosie8888]

@asb_own_me

“No.”
That is a complete sentence.
You don’t need to qualify it with any “, because my insurance…”, “, because xyz…” or anything else. Just NO.

It also sounds like a new, prominently placed “NO TRESPASSING” sign is in order.

I ended up having to install cameras as it got worse

[Rosie8888]

@Rackonteur

She’s not being dense, she’s being a bully.

Can you take out a restraining order to keep her away?

Thank you, I ended up having to install cameras, it only got worse

[Rosie8888]

@JanM

You need to stop her trespassing on your property. If she even trips, you know what will happen. One of these days, you’ll come home, and find her and her kids having a pony party on your horse.

Mark your perimeter fence with No Trespassing signs. You can’t do anything about her bothering you when she’s off your property, but you certainly need to keep her, and her kids off your property.

Thanks, I did put up signs and ended up having to install cameras, it got bad

[ayrabz]

And again, we find after 5 pgs of posts and Kumbaya…that posting no Trespassing, and establishing that plus installing cameras for any illegal, unwanted, uninvited visits to your private property is a right and solves a lot.

[Sleipnir]

I’m now intrigued - how bad exactly did it get? Did installing the cameras help by themselves, or did the neighbour had to be caught red handed after that?