Just need some perspective today

Quoting you, OP, because I don’t think you’re giving yourself enough credit for getting this far with a highly reactive horse who has had genuinely scary melt-downs. You should be patting yourself on the back for getting an award on a horse who once couldn’t handle a pole–don’t minimize this because of the size of the show!

It sounds like the people you ride with (such as on the trail ride that went wrong) or who are at your barn have an expectation that you should have no fear (“man up”) while you’ve had a number of experiences that would make even a level-headed rider fearful. Even getting your mare home safely walking in hand is a credit to you.

There is absolutely no shame in minimizing risk. You know this horse and have worked with her for years. I think there are some horses (like some people) who are just by temperament scaredy-cats whose first instinct is to bail. It’s obviously helpful for a wild prey animal to run first and think later, but not so much for the rider. The question is if the mare’s good qualities outweigh the extra work you will likely always have to do, to do normal horse things with her. It also might be that the barn isn’t a good fit, if everyone there has an expectation that all horses have to be “fine” with all the stimulation life throws at them, including a herd of horses cantering away.

11 Likes

I don’t disagree you should have a horse you should enjoy.

But I also see a lot of people who end up in a cycle of revolving horses because nothing is “perfect.” They hit a point where they are searching for a literal unicorn that does not exist.

There is no judgement from me for selling a horse. But I also think a lot of our human-horse relationships take time to develop and/or can be improved tremendously in the right circumstance. And that right circumstance doesn’t have to be years of expensive training, it can be as simple as changing your mindset.

I’m not arguing for or against @cmdrcltr selling this horse. Just offering another perspective.

2 Likes

I see what you’re saying. However, I also feel that feeling safe and looking for a unicorn are not the same thing. I had a SUPER reactive mare before. I’d walk down the barn aisle, and she’d have her head sticking out of her stall door. When I’d blow my bangs off my forehead, she’d react so startled that she hit her head on the top of the stall door opening. She was just plain reactive. To me, I never felt safe on her because you never knew when she’d blow. She was a very sweet horse, too, which made it very difficult to decide what to do. Finally, when she flipped over while my husband was riding her because of bird flew in front of her, we decided the fear for our safety won out. My current horses are by no means unicorns, but I trust them. Trust is a huge thing for me. If I trust my horse, and they have a little tantrum or spook or whatever, I don’t care because I know it’s not their “normal”. So, to be fair, I think if OP is worried about doing things she wants to do because of the horse’s reactive nature, there’s no shame in looking for another horse. Not a unicorn. :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

9 Likes

To be fair, a horse that’s okay with a big group cantering away on a trail ride is a least a liiiittle bit of a unicorn, haha. :unicorn::unicorn:

10 Likes

Point taken. :grin:

Yes, some people do end up going through multiple horses. In my experience, this is most likely to happen when:

  1. People have an entirely unrealistic view of their riding abilities.
  2. People who repeatedly bargain hunt and are unwilling to accept that they aren’t going to find the horse they need/want for what they are willing to pay.
  3. People who buy horses picked out by someone else who doesn’t select appropriate horses.

Go back and read the OP’s description of her own riding abilities, the way previous owners have described the horse, the OP’s experiences with the horse, and the length of time she has owned the horse. What, in any of that, leads you to believe that this person is on a cycle of revolving horses because nothing is “perfect?”

9 Likes

I thought I made it pretty clear I wasn’t specifically referring to the OP and was just offering another perspective to the idea that life is too short to own a horse you aren’t having fun with.

I guess not. :woman_shrugging:

3 Likes

My guy did stuff like this too! And as much as he was who he was, I was also who I was and couldn’t change 50 years of how I was hardwired for any horse.

I think you’ve done remarkably well with this horse and 4 years is an honest effort. There isn’t a right or wrong here- just what you decide you’re comfortable with long term.

11 Likes

Wow. Just got home from work and the barn and there are so many new replies, kind words, and things to think about. I’ll reply more after I have time to really read and process. Thank you. :slight_smile:

16 Likes

Not much to add but I am VERY picky about who I ride out with…and how. My horse is a bit of an arena flower. She just hasn’t had much trail mileage (she is 22!) and she gets very excitable if the whole group trots or canters off, her adrenalin just ramps way up. In the arena, extra activity is just ho-hum but not on the trail.

I didn’t even go on any rides this summer as I have a bum hip and I just didn’t trust my seat being able to stay in the saddle if sh** happens. The terrain is tough and I didn’t want to have to walk back (whether dismounting was voluntary or not) if I even could. I am getting that replaced in January so hopefully, we can get back to trail rides next year. She seems to enjoy it…as long as the excitement level stays nice and low and at my age, that is all I want (low excitement). I am way past the days when I used to want to ride like Little Joe on Bonanza😂.

If you want to keep going with this horse…set up your criteria and stick to it. Don’t be pressured into going with a group that you know will do their own thing. I agree with tabula_rashah, they were rude, especially with you having repeated problems. I don’t find those kind of trail ride of any value at all.

11 Likes

Sorry folks – I did a crap job of cutting and pasting and it wound up being a mess! Will try again tomorrow :wink:

1 Like

I don’t think it’s so much of a unicorn as something that people don’t work on. Maybe it’s that I’m used to endurance riders or riding by myself, but leap frogging at a canter/ being passed at a canter etc is something I work on and I’ve only got one right now that couldn’t handle it and she’s my greenie. She will be able to in time

5 Likes

Okay, here goes another long post responding to people. :slight_smile: Thank you all for taking the time to talk this through with me.

@CBoylen (and probably others, too), thank you for noting the hand-walking home can be seen as a success. It is indeed another perspective. This mare supposedly was trail ridden a lot by her previous owners. But then she had about three years off having two foals. I actually trail ride quite often, but not with this large a group, only by myself or with a couple of others. And although she can be reactive any time of the year, she is definitely more lazy-minded in July than November.

@173north and @awaywego (and probably others), thank you for helping me to see that moving from a group of three to a group of nine was a big ask. Some people are so nonchalant about big group rides that it feels like it should be an easy task.

@ParadoxFarm, thank you SO much for the virtual hugs. I needed them.

@Simkie, thank you for all the things to think about. I realize this turned out to be a big ask, and that’s on me even though it sure triggered my own anxieties.

@Impractical_Horsewoman, THANK YOU for that acknowledgment. I work so damn hard at this hobby, and I’m sure my emotions are all tangled up in it when moments like this that tap into my fear happen.

@Texarkana & @NoSuchPerson, I totally understood you weren’t directing the comment about revolving horses at me. For the record, I try to give every horse super fair shakes. My last horse was with me for almost 10 years and sold into a step-down job because that’s what he needed. Before that I had a Saddlebred that I tried to make work for three years, but he needed to be in work 6 days a week to be relatively level headed, so I gave him to a younger rider. And the horse before that I had for seven years before selling him to a step-down job.

@Kyrabee, thank you. I guess I need to be picky about my trail rides going forward.

@tabula_rashah, yes, we’ve worked on cantering past and being cantered by in a large arena setting because for sure that happens when you are showing ranch pleasure on the rail. We don’t have any issues in that setting.

I had a good solid ride in the arena last night, which made me feel better. Trail riding season is coming to an end here in Maine, so I don’t have to make a decision immediately. Thank you all for giving me some perspective.

13 Likes

I’m sorry if my post seemed like it was picking on you- it was totally pointed towards the “unicorn” post. I think, for the horse and really for most riders, there is a huge difference in ring riding vrs open riding- even the horse is totally chill with being passed in the ring, there is a good chance that isn’t going to translate completely to the open. But it’s also hard to find folks who will come out on the trail and work on those type of things with you too.

6 Likes

You did not take marriage vows here yet getting out of an unhappy marriage seems easier then rehoming an unsuitable horse.

Yes, you could get vet involved but that can get $$$$ pretty quick and her previous owners described her as “quirky”. She is at an age where she is set in her ways and even if some inexpensive fix, like a supplement, helps a little, she still is likely not ever going to be comfortable out in a larger group and will always be quirky. It is who she is.

There are people out there who like riding out in small groups or alone and love a quirky horse. Maybe you did too when you were 16 but now not so much. Find her a person who is perfect for her and find yourself a horse who is for YOU to do what you want and ride with a big group and enjoy it.

Don’t beat yourself up over this, it is just not a match. You dread doing what you want to do and it is too expensive to dread going on a ride ir even to the barn. You don’t have to continue this.

IIWY might look into finding a group to ride with that is more suitable too. Cannot believe even the Adult professional left you to get back alone. REALLY? Who does that? What if she got stupid heading home and broke away from you knocking you down, maybe twisting an ankle or worse???

8 Likes

I didn’t think that at all. :slight_smile: And you’re correct, it is hard to find people who want to change their agenda on the trail. But I could reach out to find someone who would be willing to work on that with me, starting with just two of us.

2 Likes

Ha ha, no one in my circle, but I’m sure they exist. :grin:

1 Like

What I sense from OP’s comments is that this horse has very frequently been a challenge in more than one area. Although these challenges are productive fun for some, they are unnerving and frightening for others. We all know someone who adores their horse and loves the ride delivered. The rest of us are thinking “no way in hell would I get on that”.

We invest way too much time, money and mental energy into this sport to be riding something that is outside our wheelhouse and comfort zone. I admit to over estimating abilities (both rider and horse) and attempting to give horse jobs that were not good matches. In those situations, it was best for me, and horse when I admitted that rider, work and horse generated a perfect storm and not a perfect match.

The decisions must come not from what can be done, but from what you can do. We all have to face our skill, knowledge and resource limitations. From my perspective it is better to ride a horse that you are happy with than a horse you feel frightened of or are constantly anticipating will provide behavior that is outside of your ability to manage.

The way I see it, by the time we have been riding several years, the curve of increasing skill is leveling off. Yes, we can always improve, however the reality is that the majority of us are not advanced riders and never will be. There is no shame in this. Buy a horse that will give you joy.

7 Likes

Just to throw in another variable… how is her saddle fit? My gelding used to buck at the canter but only when cantering in a group. Turned out to be saddle fit. He had no issues cantering by himself on the same trails.

I had a Connemara who had an unpredictable, dirty spook. About once a year she would lawn dart me off, I was able to stick the other spooks. Back then I fox hunted. One of my daughters who use to ride questioned why I tolerated the mare’s BS.

As fate would have it another horse landed in my lap. After hunting her 3 weeks I realized how much fun I had lost while riding the Connemara and I’ve never looked back.

For the record, I rode the Connemara for 7 years before the other mare showed up.

No answer for you, just sharing my experience.

10 Likes