My trainer told me I am too heavy for a horse...and that was ok

[QUOTE=Somantu;8734132]
I don’t read any stress in BM1’s posts. In fact, as a confident fat person/rider who is comfortable in my own skin, I appreciate the honest and responsible attitude she shows. And I find her posts are delivered without judgement or drama.[/QUOTE]

I guess we will have to disagree.

I like BigMamma… coming from a place of wanting to help.

I know when I had a reaction to a thread it was coming from me. Not saying that is always the case but it hit a nerve for a reason.

I was really shocked by some of the responses to the last plus-sized rider thread. Everyone has their own struggles and issues and are doing the best they can. The idea that we need to be told that weight is a health issue and we should just “move more and eat less” is patronizing and insulting

I’ll chime back in, since I think the key point of all my posts was missed. I could give two figs about a persons’ weight. My pet peeve are the people who approach me and open up a discussion about their attempts at weight loss and make no sense. There are legit reasons to struggle for some, but I’m thinking of specific examples of people who say goofy things about behaviors, not serious medical issues. I can’t be the only one who’s had this happen? People who say, literally, “working out didn’t work for me,” or “weight lifting makes you too big” or try whatever juice cleanse of the month and fad diet of the week, and act like they discovered the holy grail, then are shocked when they gain the weight back.

OP conveys a healthy attitude and her trainer treated her with respect. If OP had asked trainer about weight loss and then made excuses, that’d be annoying. And I do stand by the fact that no one is healthy if they are “super obese” - look it up. Nor is anyone anorexic healthy. But the amazing range of body types in between are on their own journey, and hopefully find a super horse to share said journey.

We all have medical issues, you’d never know it seeing me. :yes:

I hate people who give up and play the victim. I gave up on [my conditions] discussion sites when it was nothing but a pity party. Just not good for my psyche. I chose to move forward and not care if people “understood” my problems.

[QUOTE=LilyandBaron;8734159]
I’ll chime back in, since I think the key point of all my posts was missed. I could give two figs about a persons’ weight. My pet peeve are the people who approach me and open up a discussion about their attempts at weight loss and make no sense. There are legit reasons to struggle for some, but I’m thinking of specific examples of people who say goofy things about behaviors, not serious medical issues. I can’t be the only one who’s had this happen? People who say, literally, “working out didn’t work for me,” or “weight lifting makes you too big” or try whatever juice cleanse of the month and fad diet of the week, and act like they discovered the holy grail, then are shocked when they gain the weight back.

OP conveys a healthy attitude and her trainer treated her with respect. If OP had asked trainer about weight loss and then made excuses, that’d be annoying. And I do stand by the fact that no one is healthy if they are “super obese” - look it up. Nor is anyone anorexic healthy. But the amazing range of body types in between are on their own journey, and hopefully find a super horse to share said journey.[/QUOTE]

“Working out” doesn’t work for most, unless they exercise obsessively like demons and never, ever stop. Double that if they’re still eating ANY refined carbs. There are randomized control trials that prove it beyond any reasonable doubt. Moderate exercise like walking is proven good for everyone; more than that is not necessary and most people find it unsustainable because they don’t enjoy it. Before 1985 gyms were for boxers and running was a fringe activity, most adults never “worked out” at all once high school and college sports were behind them.

Dieting “works” only temporarily, and low-calorie diets do truly TERRIBLE things to your body. In fact, it is now thought by researchers that many of the “adverse” effects of excess weight are not from overweight itself at all–they are from cumulative years of yo-yo dieting! Any weight lost nearly ALWAYS comes back eventually, most often within two years.

The simple truth is that most of us are genetically hardwired to stay at a certain set-point, which just happens to be 10-50 lbs. higher than today’s arbitrarily-constructed, emaciated cultural ideal.

Think you can defeat homeostasis? Hell, I thought I could. Just a matter of discipline, right? Ate like a cave woman, lost 25 and kept it off for nearly 6 years; then, at that “certain age,” back to where I started. For keeps now that I know what science actually has shown to be true. There’s no danger in it, quite the contrary. An aunt the same shape is now 93 and driving her frail friends all over town to their appointments.

A size 14-16 is actually the AVERAGE size for American women. I’m smack in the middle of the bell curve for my age and height. While no one would look at me and say, “there goes a FAT woman,” I’m not stupid enough to appear in public in a bikini, either. Nobody ever said one needs to let it “all” hang out! :lol:

Be who you are, and let the “shamers” go to hell. It’s just their own fear of anything they consider unattractive talking.

Those seeking one of the best reads on the subject, pick up The Obesity Myth by Paul Campos. Primary sources are cited in extensive end-noting to back up everything he says.

One more thought. For all the fear-based CRAP the media shovels about this-crisis and that-crisis in health, EVERY generation the life expectancy is increasing. And most PCP’s these days are reduced to chasing surrogate markers and “risk factors” which amount to tenths of one percent of absolute risk, even over huge cohorts of population. The value of this to the individual is usually net-zero. But Pig Pharma just loves it!

The REAL reasons life expectancy is increasing, all over the world, are because of better than adequate nutrition, a higher standard of living, better sanitation and access to family planning, NOT because of obsessing over “obesity,” and treating pseudo-diseases.

So now we’ve gone right back to where the other thread went.

I don’t want to prolong this deviation from the actual topic but will clarify two things:

It is patronizing and insulting for strangers on the Internet to tell fat people that weight affects health and we should just eat less and move more. Trust me when I say we already know this. Having some random stranger call us “huge blobs” or tell us endangering our health isn’t a magic lightbulb that instantly changes years of negative thinking, unhealthy habits, hormone issues, medications that lead to weight gain and anything else that has contributed to our obesity. Honestly, having someone essentially say “it’s simple, just do XYZ” just makes a lot of feel like failures because simple doesn’t mean easy.

And to answer SendenHorse I do think we are all just doing the best we can. Fat or thin, old or young, we all have personal struggles and issues and we’re just trying to be good people and live our lives. Depending how I feel this week my best today may not be as much as my best last week was, but I’ve learned not to sweat the small stuff so much or worry about how someone else is living their lives.

For the most part I don’t worry about what other people think of my weight, as I can’t imagine what affect it would have on their lives. That’s why Inwas so shocked at how nasty and judgemental some of the responses on the other thread were. To be honest, most of the time I truly forget I’m this big, until I see a photo of myself or catch a surprise glimpse of myself in the mirror. Normally when I look in the mirror I’m happy enough with my reflection, and more importantly happy with all the things this body can do that it couldn’t do three years ago: ride a horse, run 5k, muck 20 stalls.

I’m not delusional about my weight; that’s why I wasn’t offended when my trainer brought it up the way she did. It was relevant in that setting and I trust her judgement and expertise in that regard. I was totally shocked an offended when an Internet stranger on Facebook told me I was a “lazy piece of $hit” because Inweigh 200 pounds. There is simply no reason to judge someone’s character on the basis of weight or appearance, ever. I’m the same person now that I was at 125 - same strengths, same weaknesses. Now there’s just more of me to love or hate!

[QUOTE=BigMama1;8729421]
Thanks Scribbler :slight_smile: I am 5’7 so carry it better than I would if shorter, but at a solid 200-205lbs my weight is definitely a factor. Plus I think my 17h draft cross makes my butt look smaller LOL[/QUOTE]

I’m pretty close to you in size (5’7"/195lbs) and I ride a 14.1 hand quarter pony. I also have a 16 hand Standardbred that I ride. Cannon bone measure of both horses actually shows that little mare to be better able to carry my weight!

At this point, BigMama, it may be best to resort to “well … bless your heart.” :slight_smile:

I’m not a plus-sized rider, but I appreciated the intent of your post and feel that more trainers should be as honest yet respectful as yours was – not just about weight, but about other issues as well.

Too often, they are put on the spot by our (meaning clients in general) over-lofty expectations. And unfortunately, some don’t have the interpersonal skills to handle it well or they simply avoid saying anything and bad situations ensue.

If more were as truthful as your trainer, there would be fewer frustrated riders, and a lot more happy equestrians, IMO.

[QUOTE=Lady Eboshi;8734248]
“Working out” doesn’t work for most, unless they exercise obsessively like demons and never, ever stop. Double that if they’re still eating ANY refined carbs. There are randomized control trials that prove it beyond any reasonable doubt. Moderate exercise like walking is proven good for everyone; more than that is not necessary and most people find it unsustainable because they don’t enjoy it. Before 1985 gyms were for boxers and running was a fringe activity, most adults never “worked out” at all once high school and college sports were behind them.[/QUOTE]

I agree with you up to this point. You cannot out exercise a bad diet unless you are doing Micheal Phelps level work outs. Exercise can help, but only so much.

Dieting “works” only temporarily, and low-calorie diets do truly TERRIBLE things to your body.

Dieting works only temporarily for those that treat it like a temporary thing. You cannot diet the weight off and then return to overeating and expect not to gain the weight back.

Low calorie diets do nothing to your body except provide fewer calories. If you have fat reserves, your body will use those. That’s what they are for. There was a study done on a morbidly obese man who was put on a ZERO calorie diet for a YEAR (yes, you read that right!). Nothing happened except that he lost weight.

In fact, it is now thought by researchers that many of the “adverse” effects of excess weight are not from overweight itself at all–they are from cumulative years of yo-yo dieting! Any weight lost nearly ALWAYS comes back eventually, most often within two years.

No, it is not “now thought by researchers”. You’re talking about one study -the so called “Biggest Loser Study”, which found metabolic damage in Biggest Loser patients by way of some questionable math. I’ve addressed the math in another thread, but I’ll repost here if you’d like.

The simple truth is that most of us are genetically hardwired to stay at a certain set-point, which just happens to be 10-50 lbs. higher than today’s arbitrarily-constructed, emaciated cultural ideal.

Lol no - set point theory is 100% made up. And being within the healthy weight range is hardly emaciated. For my height, 164lbs is the upper limit of healthy. I currently weigh 135 lbs and have visible fat. My parents are both obese, btw, so it isn’t genetics.

Think you can defeat homeostasis? Hell, I thought I could. Just a matter of discipline, right? Ate like a cave woman, lost 25 and kept it off for nearly 6 years; then, at that “certain age,” back to where I started. For keeps now that I know what science actually has shown to be true. There’s no danger in it, quite the contrary. An aunt the same shape is now 93 and driving her frail friends all over town to their appointments.

It really just takes continuous discipline. And calorie counting. I lost 80 lbs. I haven’t gained an ounce back, and it’s been several years. I won’t gain an ounce back, either, because I track my calories. 1lb = roughly 3500 calories. It’s simple math.

A size 14-16 is actually the AVERAGE size for American women. I’m smack in the middle of the bell curve for my age and height. While no one would look at me and say, “there goes a FAT woman,” I’m not stupid enough to appear in public in a bikini, either.

2/3rds of American adults are overweight. 40% of American women are obese. Average for an American is going to be borderline obese. This is not a good thing.

Those seeking one of the best reads on the subject, pick up The Obesity Myth by Paul Campos. Primary sources are cited in extensive end-noting to back up everything he says.

And it’s all BS. But I’m glad it makes you feel better about your life.

I really enjoy, Lady E, how if you’ve failed at something, it means that it is “LITERALLY IMPOSSIBLE for anyone else!”

Except that it isn’t. I really really didn’t want to participate in this thread any further, but everything you’ve said is just so…incorrect. It’s damaging. Really.

To all of you that are struggling to lose weight (for those of you who wish to lose weight), it is not impossible. It is not even that complicated. Calories in, calories out.

Yes, there will be times when it is very hard. When I was eating 1200 calories a day to lose, there were days that I was very unhappy. But I was never as unhappy about my diet as I was about the size of my ass.

Now, I’m a healthy weight. I count my calories to stay that weight. I’m happy. I don’t deny myself food that I want, I simply account for it.

It really does work.

[QUOTE=DressageFancy;8734328]
I’m pretty close to you in size (5’7"/195lbs) and I ride a 14.1 hand quarter pony. I also have a 16 hand Standardbred that I ride. Cannon bone measure of both horses actually shows that little mare to be better able to carry my weight![/QUOTE]

Exactly! It’s not all about rider weight or horse height. Conformation, fitness and even temperament have a big role to play in suitability. I’m glad my coach was frank with me about it because based on my friend’s horse’s size and breeding alone, it hadn’t occurred to me that my weight might be an issue for her, and I like to think I’m pretty aware.

And yes, I agree that more trainers need to be honest (in a tactful, sensitive way) and riders need to be honest with themselves about their limitations, such as weight. If my trainer had said nothing this situation could have escalated into a lot of hurt feelings and misinterpretation because I assumed she didn’t think I was “good enough” to ride the horse, when plenty of less experienced, less skilled riders than me do ride her. Something like could lead a client to lose confidence in and even leave a trainer. Honesty with clients is always the best policy when it is backed up with solid facts, and expressed without judgement or getting personal.

I understand why trainers, including mine, are so reluctant to bring up weight as a factor. It is a personal, sensitive issue and because there is so much judgement, fat shaming and mockery out there, people want to walk on eggshells around the issue. my original post was aimed at trainers, plus sized riders and the people who judge them. Don’t assume a 200lb rider is too big for that 15h horse if you do t know either of them - on the other hand, don’t assume that 16h horse can carry your weight either. I am not an expert - that’s why I have a trainer. I rely on her judgement and expertise and that’s how I ended up with the perfect horse for me.

[QUOTE=Cascades;8734388]

Except that it isn’t. I really really didn’t want to participate in this thread any further, but everything you’ve said is just so…incorrect. It’s damaging. Really.

To all of you that are struggling to lose weight (for those of you who wish to lose weight), it is not impossible. It is not even that complicated. Calories in, calories out.

Yes, there will be times when it is very hard. When I was eating 1200 calories a day to lose, there were days that I was very unhappy. But I was never as unhappy about my diet as I was about the size of my ass.

Now, I’m a healthy weight. I count my calories to stay that weight. I’m happy. I don’t deny myself food that I want, I simply account for it.

It really does work.[/QUOTE]

Yeah, thanks for sharing YOUR experience and congrats on your loss.

If you are sharing all this from a sample size of one, then that is as relevant as you dismissing one study.

It as dangerous to say that some of these things don’t exist as it is to admit that they do.

Lets take body set points, something that two doctors, like real life ones with certificates on the wall and everything believe that they exist, and it is hard to reset that ‘set point’

Does it mean that you have to live with it, heck no, you just have to recognize that the fight might be harder for you.

Each person is different, and it is funny how we don’t recognize that in people as quickly as we do in our horses

[QUOTE=KBC;8734432]
Yeah, thanks for sharing YOUR experience and congrats on your loss.

If you are sharing all this from a sample size of one, then that is as relevant as you dismissing one study.

It as dangerous to say that some of these things don’t exist as it is to admit that they do.

Lets take body set points, something that two doctors, like real life ones with certificates on the wall and everything believe that they exist, and it is hard to reset that ‘set point’

Does it mean that you have to live with it, heck no, you just have to recognize that the fight might be harder for you.

Each person is different, and it is funny how we don’t recognize that in people as quickly as we do in our horses[/QUOTE]

Each person is different, but that doesn’t change the fact that if you eat fewer calories than you need, you will lose weight. It just means you may not get to eat as much as someone else.

My husband is very active and very muscular. He gets to eat 3500 calories a day. I only get around 1700. If I ate what he eats, I would gain like crazy.

And, in response to your snarkiness, Dr Oz is a real live doctor, and most of the medical community thinks he’s an idiot. :wink:

Calories in/calories out is supported by far more doctors and studies than your set point theory. It’s a little insane to pretend otherwise.

But you’re right, I’m totally the only person in the history of mankind that has ever lost weight. Ever. Sample size of one, indeed.

Dr. Oz is an idiot, and a dangerous one.

Does anyone think there is a “set point” in the morbid or super obese (or anorexic) range? Doubtful. I also think if people equate healthy with BMI, that’s antiquated. I lift weights, so I weigh more than most women my equivalent size because muscle is denser - smaller and weighs more than fat. But there is a set range of healthy for most people. Some are naturally smaller than others, some larger, but can all be healthy (again, barring medical reasons).
I have been 30 lbs less than I am now, and 25 lbs more. When I was at the bottom of that range, I was competing in figure, and it was kind of cool to do, once! Not a lifestyle I want to sustain, not healthy to be that lean. When I was 25 lbs heavier, I was fighting my gut that was telling me my ex was cheating, and going through fertility treatment and just a wreck. I wasn’t healthy. Now I’m healthy. I know I could lose a bit, I could also gain. I try to eat natural food, lift weights and stay active. But I eat cake and pizza and whatever else I want, on occasion and in moderation.

People just need to own their decisions in life. But yes, obesity is epidemic, and sham science and excuses are part of the problem. Trying and losing weight via one method that later fails doesn’t mean that person is doomed or that exercise doesn’t work, if combined with a sensible diet. But it’s up to each person how much work they want to do to be happy - I’m happy now. I’d not be happy working to be 20lbs less, even though I know it’s possible.

It’s an interesting topic if people bring it up, but it’s also a sensitive one. I tend not to bring it up but others often do. My go-to response when it devolves, " well, I hope you find what works for you." Basically, bless your heart, as another poster suggested.

[QUOTE=LilyandBaron;8734479]
Does anyone think there is a “set point” in the morbid or super obese (or anorexic) range? Doubtful. I also think if people equate healthy with BMI, that’s antiquated. I lift weights, so I weigh more than most women my equivalent size because muscle is denser - smaller and weighs more than fat. But there is a set range of healthy for most people. Some are naturally smaller than others, some larger, but can all be healthy (again, barring medical reasons).
I have been 30 lbs less than I am now, and 25 lbs more. When I was at the bottom of that range, I was competing in figure, and it was kind of cool to do, once! Not a lifestyle I want to sustain, not healthy to be that lean. When I was 25 lbs heavier, I was fighting my gut that was telling me my ex was cheating, and going through fertility treatment and just a wreck. I wasn’t healthy. Now I’m healthy. I know I could lose a bit, I could also gain. I try to eat natural food, lift weights and stay active. But I eat cake and pizza and whatever else I want, on occasion and in moderation.

People just need to own their decisions in life. But yes, obesity is epidemic, and sham science and excuses are part of the problem. Trying and losing weight via one method that later fails doesn’t mean that person is doomed or that exercise doesn’t work, if combined with a sensible diet. But it’s up to each person how much work they want to do to be happy - I’m happy now. I’d not be happy working to be 20lbs less, even though I know it’s possible.

It’s an interesting topic if people bring it up, but it’s also a sensitive one. I tend not to bring it up but others often do. My go-to response when it devolves, " well, I hope you find what works for you." Basically, bless your heart, as another poster suggested.[/QUOTE]

While I usually interpret “bless your heart” as rude and dismissive, I think “I hope you find what works for you” to be a great response in that situation. It’s supportive and shows you’re listening and caring, but not judging or offering your own medical advice.

How about we look at this “fat” issue from a horse point of view?
Fat horse = we all agree that fat horse will suffer problems with joints, feet, metabolism, etc. Fat horse’s vet will be quick to point out the issues and will recommend diet change and even a muzzle. Imagine that! Muzzle to control food intake!?
Fat rider will on the other hand keep her “healthy” image no matter what. No questions are allowed. 190 pound rider plus saddle comes to some 200+ load. That is a lot and in my ballpark out of question to ride anything but a wagon.

[QUOTE=kinscem;8734614]
How about we look at this “fat” issue from a horse point of view?
Fat horse = we all agree that fat horse will suffer problems with joints, feet, metabolism, etc. Fat horse’s vet will be quick to point out the issues and will recommend diet change and even a muzzle. Imagine that! Muzzle to control food intake!?
Fat rider will on the other hand keep her “healthy” image no matter what. No questions are allowed. 190 pound rider plus saddle comes to some 200+ load. That is a lot and in my ballpark out of question to ride anything but a wagon.[/QUOTE]

Did you see the Equestrian Games with the Reining horses and the winner??
You are not only rude, but ignorant. You should expand your ballpark a little…
I am as offended by small minds as you are by large bodies.
http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=reinging++horse+at+olympics&&view=detail&mid=8AB61B0988BA8BDF2A098AB61B0988BA8BDF2A09&FORM=VRDGAR

[QUOTE=stoicfish;8734623]
Did you see the Equestrian Games with the Reining horses and the winner??
You are not only rude, but ignorant. You should expand your ballpark a little…
I am as offended by small minds as you are by large bodies.
http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=reinging++horse+at+olympics&&view=detail&mid=8AB61B0988BA8BDF2A098AB61B0988BA8BDF2A09&FORM=VRDGAR[/QUOTE]

LOL, Olympic athlete no less, and I bet his saddle weighs a little more than 10 pounds, and he certainly is above 190 pounds.

200 pounds puts you on the wagon not the horse, we will need far more wagons I feel.

and this

Fat rider will on the other hand keep her “healthy” image no matter what. No questions are allowed.
is just ridiculous.

Sigh. After 4 pages of fairly intelligent, factual and inoffensive discussion about rider weight and horse suitability, we get…this.

Thank you Kinscem for perfectly illustrating the judgement often faced by overweight riders. Judgement based on no scientific information whatsoever, just the opinion that XYZ weight isn’t suitable for any horse, ever. Did you even read the thread?

In your analogy, vet = human doctor. Most doctors do advise their patients about the health risks of a weight problem and recommend diet changes, just like the vet. The big difference is that the other horses in the barn aren’t jerks and couldn’t care less if their buddy three stalls over loses the weight or not, because it makes NO DIFFERENCE to their own lives.

I will summarize the point of this thread using small words so that you can understand. Some riders are too heavy for some horses. Some horses are too small, light-framed, unfit, unsound, or otherwise conformationally challenged in a way that makes them unsuitable for some riders.

Trainers should know their horses and not be afraid to politely tell a client exactly why and how they are not an appropriate physical match for a certain horse. Clients should listen and respect the trainer’s expertise, provided it is actually based in fact, and not some asinine theory like no horse on the planet could possibly be suitable to carry 200 lbs of weight, ever.

a blanket 200-pound maximum would exclude a number of healthy riders–not just “fat ones”.

This is where the conversation needs to not be about the scale, but rather, about health. There is no point telling fat people that they don’t belong on a horse and shouldn’t ride (although I used to get snickers and comments occasionally at the gym, too…heck, once a car pulled up beside me while I was jogging just so the driver could “moo” at me).

Bullies like kinscem exist everywhere, but a little support and education go a long way. There are plenty of people that want to help you succeed and develop. The one’s that don’t are usually just bogged down by their own insecurities–they’ll need your support, too.

Also, just for interest’s sake, here is me at 215 pounds. Sometimes you can’t tell what the scale says, just by looking. Too bad there are still so many adults that didn’t learn the child’s cliche to not judge a book by its cover.
https://scontent-ord1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/20158_469964785227_2915457_n.jpg?oh=3d95ce37cf9e786e537c0fcacf6240ef&oe=58035FDB

This is not referring to the OP but what bothers me more than weight is a totally unfit person wondering why their riding is not improving.

I once had a rather offensive trainer. His response was that he is not a psychologist or analyst, his only job was to improve my riding.