My trainer told me I am too heavy for a horse...and that was ok

It’s kind of funny because my rider is a big man. Very fit but tall and muscular and generally around 200lbs. He developed a “smaller” mare (16.1~) from four year old to 150gps as an eight year old. She placed high in every one entered. She then drew considerable interest from several olympians and ended up selling to a small woman Olympian. While he was sad he was very excited to see this horse he had developed going with a smaller lighter rider…because he’s kind of body dysmorphic disorder.

It was immediately a mess with the small lady who was perpetually in the mare’s face. She bitted her up and fought her way around several shows before the mare went to another rider. For a year. A tall, bigger man, who rode beautifully and softly, and consulted with my rider to figure the mare out. When she was once again going with no gadgets and a snaffle, she was suddenly placing again.

Now the small lady is riding her again, much lighter and softer, no gadgets, and they are doing very very well.

Don’t oversimplify success or horse happiness to a weight issue…Don’t be my bdd rider.

[QUOTE=BigMama1;8734302]
So now we’ve gone right back to where the other thread went.

I don’t want to prolong this deviation from the actual topic but will clarify two things:

It is patronizing and insulting for strangers on the Internet to tell fat people that weight affects health and we should just eat less and move more. Trust me when I say we already know this. Having some random stranger call us “huge blobs” or tell us endangering our health isn’t a magic lightbulb that instantly changes years of negative thinking, unhealthy habits, hormone issues, medications that lead to weight gain and anything else that has contributed to our obesity. Honestly, having someone essentially say “it’s simple, just do XYZ” just makes a lot of feel like failures because simple doesn’t mean easy.

And to answer SendenHorse I do think we are all just doing the best we can. Fat or thin, old or young, we all have personal struggles and issues and we’re just trying to be good people and live our lives. Depending how I feel this week my best today may not be as much as my best last week was, but I’ve learned not to sweat the small stuff so much or worry about how someone else is living their lives.

For the most part I don’t worry about what other people think of my weight, as I can’t imagine what affect it would have on their lives. That’s why Inwas so shocked at how nasty and judgemental some of the responses on the other thread were. To be honest, most of the time I truly forget I’m this big, until I see a photo of myself or catch a surprise glimpse of myself in the mirror. Normally when I look in the mirror I’m happy enough with my reflection, and more importantly happy with all the things this body can do that it couldn’t do three years ago: ride a horse, run 5k, muck 20 stalls.

I’m not delusional about my weight; that’s why I wasn’t offended when my trainer brought it up the way she did. It was relevant in that setting and I trust her judgement and expertise in that regard. I was totally shocked an offended when an Internet stranger on Facebook told me I was a “lazy piece of $hit” because Inweigh 200 pounds. There is simply no reason to judge someone’s character on the basis of weight or appearance, ever. I’m the same person now that I was at 125 - same strengths, same weaknesses. Now there’s just more of me to love or hate![/QUOTE]

Sorry you took this the wrong way. I am totally on your side.

However, you can’t speak for anyone who is overweight, nor do you represent “typical” attitudes. I think that is sort of presumptuous. As you said, we all have our OWN journeys.

I think you are making who ever carries extra weight a “dividing line” and who ever is over that is X, the rest of us are Y. Not so fast… :smiley:

I get this wasn’t the point of your thread, but you keep bringing up weight so we are going to keep talking about this aspect.

ah. why bother. You want to state your thoughts and not open to a dialog. Sorry I misunderstood that.
[U][I][B]

It is patronizing and insulting for strangers on the Internet to tell fat people that weight affects health and we should just eat less and move more.
[/B][/I][/U]
Really? sorry you feel this way. It is true though, isn’t it? We should ALL eat better (not less, better) and move more. I don’t see why this is a huge issues. I just got a FULL ONE PAGE long (not asked for) weight summary from my doctor’s office. With a BMI of 22. Seriously, I could have gotten pissed, I found it silly. I know I’m going to have to keep an eye on my weight. we are a lazy society who eat crap. I have to be very diligent. So yeah, I was told to eat less and exercize more. It’s accurate. Same thing here. Sure, you don’t like strangers telling you stuff. But I think in the end we are all coming from a good place. this after all a dialog. you can’t just talk to people who agree with you.

[QUOTE=SendenHorse;8735018]

We should ALL eat better (not less, better) and move more. .[/QUOTE]

Pennywell puts back the Oreos and grabs some carrots and celery. Literally. Sigh.

[QUOTE=Cascades;8734388]
I agree with you up to this point. You cannot out exercise a bad diet unless you are doing Micheal Phelps level work outs. Exercise can help, but only so much.

Dieting works only temporarily for those that treat it like a temporary thing. You cannot diet the weight off and then return to overeating and expect not to gain the weight back.

Low calorie diets do nothing to your body except provide fewer calories. If you have fat reserves, your body will use those. That’s what they are for. There was a study done on a morbidly obese man who was put on a ZERO calorie diet for a YEAR (yes, you read that right!). Nothing happened except that he lost weight.

No, it is not “now thought by researchers”. You’re talking about one study -the so called “Biggest Loser Study”, which found metabolic damage in Biggest Loser patients by way of some questionable math. I’ve addressed the math in another thread, but I’ll repost here if you’d like.

Lol no - set point theory is 100% made up. And being within the healthy weight range is hardly emaciated. For my height, 164lbs is the upper limit of healthy. I currently weigh 135 lbs and have visible fat. My parents are both obese, btw, so it isn’t genetics.

It really just takes continuous discipline. And calorie counting. I lost 80 lbs. I haven’t gained an ounce back, and it’s been several years. I won’t gain an ounce back, either, because I track my calories. 1lb = roughly 3500 calories. It’s simple math.

2/3rds of American adults are overweight. 40% of American women are obese. Average for an American is going to be borderline obese. This is not a good thing.

And it’s all BS. But I’m glad it makes you feel better about your life.

I really enjoy, Lady E, how if you’ve failed at something, it means that it is “LITERALLY IMPOSSIBLE for anyone else!”

Except that it isn’t. I really really didn’t want to participate in this thread any further, but everything you’ve said is just so…incorrect. It’s damaging. Really.

To all of you that are struggling to lose weight (for those of you who wish to lose weight), it is not impossible. It is not even that complicated. Calories in, calories out.

Yes, there will be times when it is very hard. When I was eating 1200 calories a day to lose, there were days that I was very unhappy. But I was never as unhappy about my diet as I was about the size of my ass.

Now, I’m a healthy weight. I count my calories to stay that weight. I’m happy. I don’t deny myself food that I want, I simply account for it.

It really does work.[/QUOTE]

Wasn’t the “Biggest Loser” study, it was a whole LOT of studies. Proves you haven’t read the book, have you? Might want to try that. Which, BTW, wasn’t the only book I’ve read on such subjects. :rolleyes:

If you feel fine living on 1200 calories a day, which all competent medical authorities consider a starvation diet, well party on. Whatever.
Obviously the trade-off is “worth it” in your mind. Still doesn’t give you any right to cop a superiority trip over everyone on the planet who may weigh more for their own PERSONAL reasons. Do you “shame” folks for old age and Parkinson’s, too? :no:

OP, the bottom line is that NO ONE has any kind of right to comment on anyone else’s size or so-called “health.” If anyone commits that level of incivility, “unfriend” them in the Real World and seek out more pleasant and polite companions, like your trainer. Enjoy riding your horse!

[QUOTE=Pennywell Bay;8735059]
Pennywell puts back the Oreos and grabs some carrots and celery. Literally. Sigh.[/QUOTE]

ha, yeah. I don’t see why everyone is so pissy here about this topic.
The amercian diet IS crap. Processed everything, fillers, additives.

How many people even take a 20 min walk a day? Not many.

Just loosing weight? sign me up. Sounds much easier. I’m NOT JOKING. At least the doctors know what is going on rather than mystery illness.

[QUOTE=Lady Eboshi;8735063]
Wasn’t the “Biggest Loser” study, it was a whole LOT of studies. Proves you haven’t read the book, have you? Might want to try that. Which, BTW, wasn’t the only book I’ve read on such subjects. :rolleyes:

If you feel fine living on 1200 calories a day, which all competent medical authorities consider a starvation diet, well party on. Whatever.
Obviously the trade-off is “worth it” in your mind. Still doesn’t give you any right to cop a superiority trip over everyone on the planet who may weigh more for their own PERSONAL reasons. Do you “shame” folks for old age and Parkinson’s, too? :no:

OP, the bottom line is that NO ONE has any kind of right to comment on anyone else’s size or so-called “health.” If anyone commits that level of incivility, “unfriend” them in the Real World and seek out more pleasant and polite companions, like your trainer. Enjoy riding your horse![/QUOTE]

:lol: A starvation diet and yet, weirdly, I’m not dead! It’s a miracle!

PS - Aging and Parkinson’s are 100% out of your control. Your weight is not. Whatever happened to personal responsibility?

And it isn’t shaming to disagree with excuses and junk science.

Have a nice day!

[QUOTE=Cascades;8735089]
:lol: A starvation diet and yet, weirdly, I’m not dead! It’s a miracle!

PS - Aging and Parkinson’s are 100% out of your control. Your weight is not. Whatever happened to personal responsibility?

And it isn’t shaming to disagree with excuses and junk science.

Have a nice day![/QUOTE]

There are many things we now know about how diet relates to diseases like parkinsons.

But yes, I agree with personal responsibility. We are not all special snowflakes.

[QUOTE=SendenHorse;8735076]
ha, yeah. I don’t see why everyone is so pissy here about this topic.
The amercian diet IS crap. Processed everything, fillers, additives.

How many people even take a 20 min walk a day? Not many.

I’ve had to basically stop eating out since many places put gluten and MSG in everything. I start throwing up and get really sick, so even though I have a BMI of 22 and I’m “not fat”…wellllllllll life should just be peachy for me since I’m on the thinner side. Hmmmmmmm yeah. right[/QUOTE]

Our company gave use those tracker things to get 10 K (something like that) steps in and made it a little competition. It was amazing how getting in steps and a little above made a difference (taking the stairs, parking farther away). Even my normal BMI SO got into it and easily dropped 3 pounds (not altering diet- just moving, we eat OK generally, which is BS he dropped weight so easily but that’s a whole different rant).

Hint: you can win those contests because some register posting as walking if you wear it correctly. Not that I would condone that…

Still want that Oreo… [crunches carrot and celery and makes longing face towards cabinet

And I am a special snowflake. My mommy told me- so there :wink:

[QUOTE=SendenHorse;8735018]

It is patronizing and insulting for strangers on the Internet to tell fat people that weight affects health and we should just eat less and move more.
[/B][/I][/U]
Really? sorry you feel this way. [/QUOTE]

Wait. What? You’re saying that you don’t feel that way? That you think it’s OK for strangers on the internet to comment on other people’s weight and give them unsolicited advice, all of which they already know anyway? Really? I’m sorry you feel this way.

Exactly.

[QUOTE=SendenHorse;8735093]
There are many things we now know about how diet relates to diseases like parkinsons.

But yes, I agree with personal responsibility. We are not all special snowflakes.[/QUOTE]

Alzheimer’s is now being called Diabetes type 3, if I recall correctly. I don’t disagree with personal responsibility and remaining accountable for your own health. CICO has helped me drop 115lbs since last year. I think the diet and weight-loss industry is huge and there is a tonne of junk science about how to lose weight, as well. I also think that certain body types and lifestyles yield better results than others, while adhering to something like CICO.

I think for me , the thing I want people who have not struggled with weight (and I don’t mean an extra 10 or 15lbs) to understand is that there is usually more than just gluttony involved. Mental health issues, physical health issues, lack of proper education on dietary needs, poor role modelling etc. I am NOT suggesting that these things cannot be overcome, I’m just suggesting that having some empathy and understanding would be great–you cannot know someone’s medical history or mental state and passing judgement or telling someone not to bother riding is not motivating or helpful. Let’s, as a community, help each other a little more and not try to cut down each other.

Good and bad riders come in every shape and size. We all want to better ourselves and not all of us have dreams a grandeur and competition…some of us are content to just enjoy our horses’ company and plod along–We are not all going to be able to become elite athletes. Suggesting that horses should only be ridden by elite athletes is great, but wholly unrealistic. There are some perfectly happy and healthy horses out there, despite being burdened by extra weight.

Maybe instead of discouraging people from riding, we can encourage people to seek sound advice, commiserate about our struggles, share great recipe and fitness ideas and help build each other up.

You decide. Are you a part of the cheerleaders, or are you a part of the wrecking crew.

[QUOTE=Pennywell Bay;8735094]

Still want that Oreo… [crunches carrot and celery and makes longing face towards cabinet[/QUOTE]

Don’t do it! Better yet, don’t even buy them. It’s all a plot between the sugar and big industry foods to get people addicted to high profit junk products.

[QUOTE=SendenHorse;8735018]
Sorry you took this the wrong way. I am totally on your side.

However, you can’t speak for anyone who is overweight, nor do you represent “typical” attitudes. I think that is sort of presumptuous. As you said, we all have our OWN journeys.

I think you are making who ever carries extra weight a “dividing line” and who ever is over that is X, the rest of us are Y. Not so fast… :smiley:

I get this wasn’t the point of your thread, but you keep bringing up weight so we are going to keep talking about this aspect.

ah. why bother. You want to state your thoughts and not open to a dialog. Sorry I misunderstood that.
[U][I][B]

It is patronizing and insulting for strangers on the Internet to tell fat people that weight affects health and we should just eat less and move more.
[/B][/I][/U]
Really? sorry you feel this way. It is true though, isn’t it? We should ALL eat better (not less, better) and move more. I don’t see why this is a huge issues. I just got a FULL ONE PAGE long (not asked for) weight summary from my doctor’s office. With a BMI of 22. Seriously, I could have gotten pissed, I found it silly. I know I’m going to have to keep an eye on my weight. we are a lazy society who eat crap. I have to be very diligent. So yeah, I was told to eat less and exercize more. It’s accurate. Same thing here. Sure, you don’t like strangers telling you stuff. But I think in the end we are all coming from a good place. this after all a dialog. you can’t just talk to people who agree with you.[/QUOTE]

I think you misunderstood me. When I said we are all just doing the best we can I wasn’t speaking only over overweight people, nor was I speaking on their behalf. I meant all people, all of us with our own issues and struggles, just trying to do the best they can in their lives.

And yes, while it’s perfectly appropriate for your doctor to raise health and diet issues, I do find it patronizing when Internet strangers who know nothing about me tell me how I should be living my life, if I didn’t ask for their opinion. I would never presume to tell a stranger struggling with insomnia to just get more sleep, or someone with depression to just cheer up, but that is the type of advice we often receive. If someone wants to lose the weight badly enough, they will make whatever changes are necessary to do it, even drastic changes like gastric bypass. If they don’t want to, I just don’t see how that’s anyone else’s business, aside from their doctor.

And I LOVE discussions and dialogue, that’s why I’m still in this thread :slight_smile:

I am thin, it is something I work at daily. I don’t shame people who are not. In fact, when I see a very heavy person out jogging, climbing stairs etc. I say NOTHING, but I think “way to go!” and cheer them on. The attitude I find harmful is that of Lady Eboshi who has claimed many times that over a certain age it is impossible to be slim without being obsessive and harming oneself. Just not true. In one sense any weight loss diet is a starvation diet (not taking in enough calories to maintain current weight), but with good nutrition that can be done very safely.
I’m happy to see heavier riders on suitable horses, they are out moving! But it is no more helpful for heavier people to claim others can’t lose weight without danger to themselves, then for thin person to make it sound simple. Keep on riding Big Mama!

[QUOTE=NoSuchPerson;8735128]
Wait. What? You’re saying that you don’t feel that way? That you think it’s OK for strangers on the internet to comment on other people’s weight and give them unsolicited advice, all of which they already know anyway? Really? I’m sorry you feel this way.
.[/QUOTE]
First, no one is posting pics of themselves for “gee, am I fat? how should I eat?” so there is nothing specific.

These are threads about WEIGHT, so yes, I would expect some advice/comments asked for or not.

(I do not expect horse women to NOT give their 2c went provided a chance, really! this is a board of HORSE WOMEN!)

I’m saying this is a message board, there are going to be people saying things you and I might not prefer, like, or get the tone wrong. It’s JUST a message board.

Tone gets wacked out because of how someone reads it, so my point is to not be so upset by A MESSAGE BOARD.

Big Mamma-

Patronizing? It’s your call, I don’t see it as that… I’m sorry you are troubled by this. I like you quite a bit and I want to try to help you see I think this is well intended.

In the end, you can choose to be here or not. You made it someone’s business by opening up about your weight. People jump on health threads on OT all the time - check your thyroid! go gluten free! Try yoga! Same here, talk. It’s just talk. I like to help people avoid the issues I faced by making suggestions. We don’t like to see you sad about being overweight (generally). I think that is where this stems from (my POV).

I think the problem stems from the context. If I posted a question about how to lose weight, or complaining that I couldn’t lose weight (which I have never said) then advice would be appropriate and welcome.

[QUOTE=BigMama1;8735346]
I think the problem stems from the context. If I posted a question about how to lose weight, or complaining that I couldn’t lose weight (which I have never said) then advice would be appropriate and welcome.[/QUOTE]

sure… I get that, but there are always those quick to offer their opinion! As I said, horse message board :slight_smile: horse women. Always talk!

Interesting thread though, this is something I haven’t really thought about in context of dressage.

I’m used to EVERYONE wanting more core, more strength…I never separate into overweight vs not but it helps me hear about what those who are overweight struggle with, but I don’t think it is very much a surprise.

To me weight and strength are separate issues. Because of riding, running and mucking stalls, I am WAY stronger now than I was 50 pounds ago. Sure I could be stronger yet if I were thinner, and I’d certainly be a better rider, but that will come in time - maybe. If not, I’m ok with things the way they are.

Last month, I was in DC on a business trip.

So I went to the Smithsonian at peak school trip time. Got peckish and went to the cafeteria for a bite. Line-ups beyond belief…what was I thinking???

Then I noticed…line-ups only for burgers and fries. Lovely salad bar…nobody there…so filled up my bowl with green goodies, forsaking all creamy slathery dressing type stuff. Found myself sharing a table with a couple of British professors, munching on grilled vegetable wraps. Surprisingly…the only table in the entire cafeteria not laden with burgers and deep fried stuff. School kids, parents, seniors – oh, that would be a certain age. An eye opener!!

If one lunch time at the Smithsonian cafeteria is a proxy for the American diet and a proxy for this thread…then there is a lot of cleaning up to do.

I think we need to be honest with ourselves when we talk about healthy. It is about making healthy choices every day…food, exercise, self-care and self-love. When we are in that place, it does not matter what strangers on a BB say…it is only when we value their opinion that they have any influence over us.

My coach works on getting me fitter…not thinner. I work on giving her something that she can work with.

Anyways enough said…

Double post

[QUOTE=BigMama1;8735378]
To me weight and strength are separate issues. Because of riding, running and mucking stalls, I am WAY stronger now than I was 50 pounds ago. Sure I could be stronger yet if I were thinner, and I’d certainly be a better rider, but that will come in time - maybe. If not, I’m ok with things the way they are.[/QUOTE]

Yes, of course since muscle weighs more than fat then of course it’s not about thin-ness or scale.

I’ve never ever talked about “thin” here, you did

what is you % body fat? that is more telling to me then scale, pants size, etc.