I am thinking of just focusing on the mini for awhile. I have always wanted to get into therapy work with minis and have done a little bit with mine, so now might be the time to focus on that a little. I still would like to ride though too. That is the problem. I really do love to ride despite the anxiety and fear and I still want to do it. But at the same time, I feel tired and to a point where maybe it ism’t worth it. That is kind of my dilemma at this point.
Q: Should some people just not work with horses?
A: Yes
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Here’s another question, turning it on its head.
Riding makes you anxious and fearful.
Why do you want to keep riding?
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I am sorry to hear about your situation, BabyGoose.
What non-horse activities are you good at? What sort of things do you enjoy doing? What sort of work do/did you do? What talents and skills do you have? Have you done other sports? Which ones did you enjoy? What hobbies do you enjoy?
Because despite all that, I still love to ride. Sounds stupid I know, but I think there are other people that are somewhat fearful but still love to ride despite the fear.
I enjoy photography and being outdoors hiking and camping etc. I don’t know that I am good at photography, but at least I will probably not end up with a broken arm and brain hemorrhage from it. :winkgrin: Well, I suppose anything is possible! But I do enjoy taking pictures and have been spending more time with that lately. Not sure it will replace riding in my heart, but who knows.
Can you combine some of your other interests with your love of horses to enjoy horses in another way? For example, maybe there is a horse rescue near you that needs someone to come out and help take pictures of the horses periodically?
I know someone who seems to have a similar issue to you. She is a wonderful person and friend, loves horses, but every time she bought a horse it would start out fine, then eventually the horse would start to misbehave for her until she would get to the point of having to sell it. Meanwhile, other people could get on it and ride and be fine. I think the issue was that she is so very kind and gentle, she never would discipline her horses at all and eventually they got spoiled and would start to walk all over her. It worked out much better when she was riding lesson horses that were also being ridden by many different people throughout the week. Especially because you don’t have time to ride that much, you may be better off in that type of situation. Even better if it is a place that can offer you several different horses to rotate between in your lessons. You may find the problems don’t develop when the horse has lots of other influences and you are only a small part of its life.
What other trainers/barns are available less than an hour away?
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OK, this right here is your problem, IMO.
Somehow you need to reframe your thinking. It’s not “oh great, horse got me again”. It should be “Really, horse? Are you going to make me deal with this?” And then you deal with it. But how do you get there if you don’t know HOW to deal with it? That’s where a good trainer comes in.
A good one will patiently work through the issue, guiding you to make the decisions that fix the problem. Yeah, sometimes it’s easier to have a trainer get on and re-school the horse. Sometimes this is OK, but I think you don’t need that right now. You need to just sit up there and Deal With It. In whatever form it takes.
Might get ugly. Probably will get ugly. But every time you hit a sticky spot and come out the other side, you will gain some confidence. And then build on that success.
Using your example above - if your horse stops, you would work on starting him back up, of course. But the really hard work is figuring out how to keep him from stopping in the first place! So you have your trainer watch you, nitpick you, and figure out what you need to do. There will be mistakes. There may be angry horses and a frustrated rider, but you will know you are making progress when you can move from a lesson with 5 unplanned stops to a lesson with just maybe 1 unplanned stop. (and the lesson after that might have 12 unplanned stops, that’s the way learning goes sometimes!)
Try reading some of Dr. Janet Edgette’s work. She had a column in Practical Horseman for a while, and I picked up some great advice from it.
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Is there anyone near you that teaches (sane not magickal style) Natural Horsemanship? You can gain a lot of confidence on the ground, and really learn how to read horse body language. Studies show that working a horse with groundwork lessens their own stress. https://s3.amazonaws.com/academia.ed…d_conventi.pdf
And you will learn how to calm yourself, focus, and be present in the moment with the horse in the process-- which are skills you can carry away from the horse setting to life, and they come in handy there too.
edited to add…
These lack of confidence moments hit all of us, or most of us, anyway at some point or another. What you need is a set of tools that gives you confidence in how to respond. case in point, my horse and I. He had a melt down coming in from the pasture, galloping about, calling for his galloping about friends, and paying no attention to where I was. He was not intending to run me down, but by not paying attention to me, he was creating a very dangerous situation. Solution: ground work. For both of us. Teaching me how to deal with him before things get out of hand as well as if they would ever again. Bootcamp for both of us. Result-- a horse that respects my space and listens to me, and a more confident me, because I know how to prevent this and cope with it.
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Hugs, it can be tough to figure out issues.
I think you should take a break, get your therapy work on, possibly look at driving with your mini as an option and gain confidence. I don’t know where you are located but it sounds like you need to learn how to bond with your horse and get out of your head a bit. You might want to a different riding style just to break up your brain from focusing on the horse and challenge yourself to learn something new. Saddleseat? Saddlebreds or Morgans are great. They think its their job to take care of you.
Think positive about everything, see your mini or horse your riding do the correct thing in your mind before they do it. Predict positivity.
Positive vibes sent your way.
Are you sure that the tack you use is fitting correctly? Spooky/ resistant behavior can be attributed to pain while under saddle.
Are you afraid while riding that your horse might spook or misbehave ? Nervous / tense riders can make even the most " so-called" bombproof horses act out of character.
Sadly I have seen quite a few riders over the years who just can’t seem to ride any horse successfully. They have the desire and want to ride but they just don’t seem to click with any horse. Usually they were new to horses and taking lessons though.
As long as you have been at it I doubt this is your issue. A video of you actually riding would tell us a lot.
This post to me is eye opening.
- If you have a horse that is constantly challenging you as you describe than that is not the horse for a somewhat inexperienced/ timid type rider. You get nervous, anxious, and worry and then the battle is lost because you are in a self preservation mode, have checked out and the horse can feel this.
The horse you were leasing, was he being ridden by the trainer or owner regularly? If so that might be why he did ok for so long.
Some people do fine being a weekend warrior ( my neighbor was one) and some even less than that. They are the exception and so are the horses they are riding.
Once you are healed maybe a part lease on a steady older packer might be the way to go? That way they are being ridden by another regularly. I can’t fathom what kind of trainers you have been associated with for the past 30 years?
Do they not see anything?
ETA: Even if riding makes you somewhat fearful at times, there is no reason why that fear need control you. If you want to ride keep at it until you get it right.
Followup question: what do you love about riding?
Babygoose,
I have nothing useful to offer other than that you’re not alone. One of my most dearest friends could be your clone (apart from having minis, which is how I know you’re not her). Most recently, I gave her one of my old school horses for an interim lease (while she’s trying to find her next long term guy). The horse has faithfully packed around small children for years. Within a few weeks, he had learned that he could “spook” and she’d get off. He’s back home now, and back to carting around the teeny tiny up/downers with no issues whatsoever. I thought for sure that she could ride him and gain some confidence while her trainer searches the earth for the right horse.
The only time my friend seems to do well riding, is when she trail rides in small groups. I think being with other people gives her confidence. Both her trainer, myself, and a few other of our close horse friends have recommended that she stop killing herself attempting dressage and instead go buy a solid older citizen to trail ride on the weekends. Or if she is really bent on doing the dressage thing, to step back and be an owner, and not a rider/competitor as it just makes her miserable.
Maybe ask yourself if you are also better in certain situations and then go that direction. For example, if you’re better when riding with others, find a nice group of casual trail riders to join. You say you do well with minis, then maybe you need to consider buying a cob type horse. Maybe the smaller size helps with your confidence? There are so many wonderful stocky shorter horses out there.
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I’d also like to add, that when looking for horses, try not to care about looks (not saying that you do – speaking in general terms). My friend won’t consider buying an “ugly” horse or a western horse, which is a real shame. The most solid, beginner friendly, saint of a horse that I ever met was the world’s ugliest appaloosa. He was the only horse that my totally push-over, clueless, terrified, couldn’t-handle-a-breyer-horse mother could ride with total confidence. She went all over the place on that one. Anything else she handled required constant tune-ups.
forgive me as I have not read every post. But, if you have the financial means, you can absolutely still “do horses” by being an owner! Buy a nice horse that you enjoy watching, and pay a pro to train and ride it. Go to the barn as much or as little as you want. Feed him/ her carrots. Maybe you can cool him/ her out, warm her up.
but maybe that is a way you can enjoy horses and riding without so much frustration?
just an idea.
also, maybe a therapeutic riding program would be appropriate?
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This. It sucks, but as an instructor I have seen these exact things before, a couple of times. And I honestly think that even the bombproof, saintly horses need someone to keep them in line. They test the waters all the time and it starts small, on the ground–excessive fidgeting while grooming or mounting, slight crowding of personal space, maybe a foot “accidentally”
stepped on. It soon becomes bigger things–nipping, stupid spooking, and then escalates to more dangerous mounted problems. I think that often, people don’t know they have a problematic relationship until their horse is acting a fool under saddle. My point being that a confident person is more likely to nip things in the bud in the “annoying” stage than someone who isn’t confident in their authority to do that. And horses are masters at reading body language–if you approach things with the attitude of “Um, I’m not sure you’re allowed to do that” vs “Hey, cut the crap!”, they notice the difference. And I don’t know how you teach that, which circles back to the quote above–I have met people with the desire but not the ability to manage horses. I would 100% recommend a sports psychologist!
Not trying to pick on you. I identify with you.
I tried to ride my horse one afternoon . It was a windy day and I just froze. He never offered to do anything but I still couldn’t deal with it. I just got off and put him away. He hadn’t done anything naughty so I didn’t reinforce bad behavior.
A sports psychologist may be of some use but I really think you need to see someone who can prescribe you some anti anxiety meds. And help you with some cognitive therapy.
There are some very good tbreads on this forum about ways to deal with anxiety.
When you are well enough to ride again do some research and invest in a riding instructor that specializes in working with people like yourself.
I would try to find an adult type dressage camp where you will be able to do some longe work and can focus on your seat and finding that secure position.
good luck and let us know how it goes,
BG, I’ve been like this, on a Arab who had a sense of humor. I’d start out on a trail, and if I got nervous I’d dismount and hand walk him. Yah, I got razzed by barn mates but that’s what I needed. But my moods change (meaning some days i just say "i wamt to do this!’). one day he showed interest in going off trail, so I let him. We jumped a stream, he recollected to a walk and we had fun.
One of the key words for me is TRUST, and it may be about a part of me trusting that I will take care of me.
YMMV. 
