The current web site for Forward Seat Riding is-- https://anrc.org.https://anrc.org.
Vladimir Littauer’s “Common Sense Horsemanship” and “Schooling Your Horse” are my “bibles”.
The horses thank me, even with my MS problems most of the lesson horses I ride don’t seem to mind me riding them, and most of them improve even now when I am limited to the walk and trot.
This very situation is going on at my barn. I stepped in once because the lady was in danger with her very young colt, but she wasn’t receptive, so I haven’t said anything since. FYI, he reared at her recently and came down on her. Was I right or wrong for stepping in? To be honest, I don’t know. I keep thinking that this colt is going to kill her.
Same lady keeps messing with my filly out in the pasture. My barn manager gives everyone unsolicited advice. I play dumb, “Oh, I didn’t know that! Thanks!” and then I walk away. It doesn’t mean I’m not frustrated, especially because people talk and drama occurs. I’m frustrated right now as I type this because people are talking about each other. I find walking away helps me more than it helps the other people. I don’t want to be involved. I’m there to pay my fees and spend time with my horse. Now, the lady messing with my horse does upset me and I reported that.
My trainer is elsewhere because I don’t like any of the local trainers who ride like sacks of potatoes. The only trainer I follow religiously is Nuno Oliveira and my trainer studied in Portugal.
I have the only green horse at a barn with LOTS of railbirds… it can be super frustrating. And I’m a really non-confrontational, people-pleaser type so I have gotten good at cheerfully blowing off help. Just say as little as possible in the most upbeat way possible and then tune them out. If someone is coming into the ring while you’re working to “help,” it has to be directly addressed - “I’m all set, thanks, I’ll be at this end of the ring for another 20 minutes” and zone them out. If they keep trying to help just say, “Gotta focus, sorry” and go back to what you are doing.
Early on a lot of people would straight-up tell me I was doing things wrong, trying to help, and saying “Oh, that’s on purpose!” in a surprised tone shut them up. Someone recently told me I don’t lunge my horse enough and I was lost for words so I said “Yep, in the plan!” and walked away.
I never complain about my horses’ behavior, I don’t ask questions, and I never make it seem like I’m unsure of myself because that invites more comments and ‘advice.’ I don’t explain what I’m doing unless someone I like asks out of genuine curiosity, because otherwise you get dragged into a debate.
The trainer name-drop helps too if you can weave it into casual chitchat… “So funny, I was talking to my trainer yesterday and she told me about when she was riding for [Olympian] and a horse kept jumping out of their paddock, blah blah blah…”
I did have our resident “pro” try to hog the ring on foot when I was very new to the barn as some kind of weird attempt to assert dominance - she was on the phone, standing in our not-very-big arena as I rode. I asked twice if she could clear the ring for me. She did that “I’m on the phone” hand gesture so I said, “The barn rules are that riders have the right of way, right? He’s SUPER green and doesn’t really steer, just a heads up!” and then did all my schooling right next to her, rode circles around her, leg yielded toward her - I was far enough to be safe, and he actually steered fine, but I was close enough that it was annoying. I’m not going to slink off to one side of the ring because you want to make a phone call in the other half! It was immature of me but she has not attempted to share the ring with me since.
Thank you Jackie! I can’t wait to read these!
Agree with this too. I had originally responded with ‘Oh that’s interesting, I’ve been doing this a long time I’m very routine on what I know works’
I would prefer to be kind and let be like you, yet I have a hard time wondering when I draw a line and how to do it in a ‘lead with love’ fashion.
It’s nice that everyone has been so fantastic to share their stories and how they deal when confronted in similar fashions.
Sorry that wasn’t directed at you. I was trying to get clarification on the situation of the OP. It’s not ammie rail birds so much as a bully crap coach, so that alters my advice to her. I wasn’t intentionally replying to you. I agree that tactics for dealing with rail birds and annoying knowitall ammies are also important life skills.
Ugh, that is so uncomfortable!!
Your so ballsy! Love it 
We used to have a pyscho ammie that tried to run new barn members out of the arena. Keeping on a collision course with her fixed that and also shouting heads up or rail constantly. This is middle school bullying, needs to be dealt with as you would a 13 year old.
Anyone who resorts to physical intimidation like standing in the arena has lost my respect and made it clear they want to play on that level, well I can access my inner middle school mean girl too and push them around.
Well, I’m going to continue on path ABC. If you’d like to see horse do path XYZ he’s for sale for $$$$$.
Oh, geeze, that is a WHOLE area of annoyance in and of itself. Where I park my 2+1 used to require me to back it in past a whole line of other trailers, the manure dumpster, a small office shed thing, and various other obstacles, like this big iron post sticking up out of the ground next to the driveway. Now that an old boarder finally sold and removed her weird little trailer at the very end I can now just turn around and then angle my trailer into its space, backing up only that last bit.
However, for over a year I had to back the Beast exactly on the right track the whole way down and then try to squeeze it in between these two smaller trailers, still giving all of us enough space to get into our rigs if needed while they were parked, backing up enough but not too much so I wouldn’t hit the fence, etc. It was a whole process, and I had to follow a fairly exact line, especially around the other 2+1 sticking out, so I wouldn’t hit anything yet still get my rig in the right spot.
As you might imagine I preferred to do this on my own, and sometimes it was one try and done, and sometimes it took me a while to get the angle right, with driving forward, backing, realizing I wasn’t on the right line, doing it over again, and so on. Oh god, the people watching me were always the worst, because usually my friends would just ask if I needed help and then when I said no they would go away and do whatever.
That left the lesson kid dads, the guy mowing the field, the portapotty guy, and really any random man standing around staring at me trying to back my stupid trailer. “You should do x y, and z!” “Want me to back it for you?” “Are you sure you can get it in that space?” AUGH I HATE YOU GO AWAY <— what I am screaming internally, while trying not to say it out loud. How do they think I get around normally in my big truck and trailer without the help of a man to guide me and my dumb lady brain? Ack.
The best way to avoid needy, or bullying, or just crazy pants trainers is just find out when his lessons are and don’t go to the barn while he is there. Or ride somewhere else while he is teaching.
I get this may not be feasible.
You could try talking to the BO or BM but don’t expect too much help. Unless they get lots of complaints, they are going to side with the trainer every time.
You could try asking the BO or BM to limit who can be in the arena when lessons or riding are taking place.
Trying to be kind to bullies is perceived as a weakness.
Trying to be merely civil comes across as being snooty or snobby.
I can live with that.
Good luck.
At this point I think you’ve probably let it go far enough that you need to be very direct. Not snarky or b-tchy, just very clear about your expectations and boundaries. Perhaps something like:
Person, I understand you are trying to help. I already have a training system that works for me. I need you to stop interrupting my sessions now. Thanks for understanding!
Repeat parts or the whole as necessary. Do not otherwise engage if they argue/rationalize/downplay. If these people ask how a ride or session was, how horsie is doing, etc. simply respond with ‘doing great, thanks! right on schedule!’. Stop letting them take up space in your world.
Then you need to put on your Big Girl Panties, and ask them to please allow you to do your training undisturbed. Sometimes you need to take a stand. It’s not your fault that they are not picking up on subtle aids. They need a BIGGER half-halt.
This was my life for quite awhile.
I just didn’t engage in conversation about it, but that’s easier said than done sometimes. If someone tried to offer me helpful advice, I either changed the subject or made up a reason to excuse myself from the conversation.
Thank them kindly for their advice and just continue to do things as you please. If they take offense when you don’t do as they suggested there is not much you can do.
Well….they cant tell you anything if you dont give them your ear. Dont stop to listen to them. Period. They obviously don’t see schooling the horse as any kind of serious work on your part. That reveals much about whoever taught them.
Remember people who really know, including the good Pros, let their riding speak for them and don’t need to offer unsolicited “ help” to boost their own ego.
Theres is at least one at every barn. Much worse when they are a teaching Pro spreading that attitude around. Don’t stop your schooling to chat…or, rather…listen to their wisdom. After, you are busy cooling out and cleaning for chit chat. You dont need to please them.
Oh…anybody who thinks ride #6 is ugly reveals their own lack of experience with youngsters and a total lack of understanding the process. Just reveals their ignorance.
I don’t know how to copy and respond. 
Sadly, so much of this is learning boundaries, which also helps horsemanship. Boundaries are also about protect you, your emotional reserves, and your kindness. 
Don’t fear saying no. It’s really hard, trust me.
You can set boundaries without being rude or snobby; lots of good advice on ways to.
I prefer to be on friendly terms with as many people at my barn as I can, however, sometimes you have to draw the line. One of the boarders in my barn is a talk-a-holic…you don’t even have to talk back for her to get going and she will literally follow people up the driveway as they get on their horses. She also think she knows a lot more than she does and takes very poor care of her horse.
My gelding has a no treats sign on his door, and has for the better part of a year. She always asks if she sees me if she can give him treats and I always give her a firm NO. Sometimes I remind her he went through a laminitis scare in the spring last year and that I dont care if her treats are low sugar; I don’t want to have to worry about him getting an unknown amount of treats everyday. She does the whole “hE ReAllyyy wAnts A trEat and I fEEL baddddd thaT hE CanT havvvve any”. I tell her “I dont care, he will live, NO TREATS under any circumstances”.
Do I give him treats? Yes (nothing high sugar). Would it really be an issue if she did on the very rare occasion she comes to see her horse? Probably not, but I’m not opening that door, especially with someone who tends to be a problem for everyone. If she thinks I’m not friendly, I don’t really care, it’s not worth my sanity.
This is a situation where being nice gets thrown out the window. I would be flat-out rude at this point.
In my experience the idiots with no boundaries are actually used to people walking away, ignoring them, and saying no. Everyone else is doing it to them. So you aren’t uniquely hurting their feelings like you would a socially appropriate person.
There are also all kinds of low level cognitive issues, even mild strokes, that can make people disinhibited and clingy chatty. There isn’t anything you can do to change that in your interactions.
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