Telling trainer I’m leaving

[Loudlaugh12]

Thanks guys

I’m not worried about her hurting horse or padlocking stall—she knows where I’m going and if anything her reputation/ego matters quite a bit to her so if anything she’s going to want horse to be gleaming when he leaves. If she pulls something truly nuts, her name will be dragged thru the mud and she knows it.

But I agree that there is no point in talking to her. My therapist told me to frame this similar to a romantic relationship gone bad—many, many great times and close (friendship) moments but that’s gone now.

[Ghazzu]

@TheJenners

the BO kept adding day rate stall board after padlocking the pasture-boarded into said stall.

If any BO ever tried that with me, I’d have my friends posting here about my bail fundraiser.

[TheJenners]

@Ghazzu

@TheJenners

the BO kept adding day rate stall board after padlocking the pasture-boarded into said stall.

If any BO ever tried that with me, I’d have my friends posting here about my bail fundraiser.

Is it worse or better that said crazypants BO is my mother? We haven’t spoke since she threatened to sue me in 2014 for “being mean.” I had a front row seat to all the crazy shit a BO can do.

[Knights_Mom]

Even if you owe money - which you don’t - they can’t stop you from leaving legally so you call the cops.

[TheDBYC]

@Loudlaugh12

I’m not worried about her hurting horse or padlocking stall—she knows where I’m going and if anything her reputation/ego matters quite a bit to her so if anything she’s going to want horse to be gleaming when he leaves

Does she? My two cents from my vantage point as someone completely removed from the situation: If her reputation mattered one iota to her she wouldn’t be trifling with you about hay, grain, etc. Or talking smack about you, the client, “ruining” the horse behind your back.

I agree it’s unlikely she’d tryi to directly harm the horse. And ultimately, everyone’s boundaries & deal breakers are going to differ & you have to decide what works best for you to cope. For me personally, this situation would be a no go. I will not pay a fortune to have my quiet enjoyment of my horse disturbed by the very person I’m paying.

[trubandloki]

@TheDBYC

And ultimately, everyone’s boundaries & deal breakers are going to differ & you have to decide what works best for you to cope. For me personally, this situation would be a no go. I will not pay a fortune to have my quiet enjoyment of my horse disturbed by the very person I’m paying.

???
And neither is the OP in this case. The OP has arranged to leave and will leave as soon as trucking is figured out.

[Loudlaugh12]

Oh yes we’re out of there. Delay of a few weeks is because I want him shod before we go, and that’s next week, and because new barn is away at a show the following week. So I elected to wait until third week of august. New barn is arranging for shipper and I’ll double check that tomorrow. Highly doubt shipping will be a problem as new barn (which is fairly well-known show barn) said they’d handle it and says also in board contract that arranging shipping is service provided to clients and it’s a relatively short distance. This is all new to me, but to barns with lots of movement I don’t think it’s rocket science to pick up a horse a few hours away.

[trubandloki]

You’be got this @Loudlaugh12! Sounds like a great plan.

Keep your chin up. Keep reminding yourself how much better things will be in a very short time.

[TheDBYC]

@trubandloki

And neither is the OP in this case. The OP has arranged to leave and will leave as soon as trucking is figured out.

I realize that. I meant that I personally would be looking for temporary digs for my horse for the next few weeks & leave immediately, rather than waiting for the transport date.

In the OP’s update from yesterday it sounded like she’d still had the horse booked in for schooling & possibly lessons in hopes it would be regarded as an olive branch by the trainer, only changing her mind about about this approach after this latest incident in the update. I also got the impression OP still feels unsure that she is free of any culpability for the situation & that she’s done something, somehow to deserve the trainer’s poor treatment. I was a little horrified on the OP’s behalf. Hence my comment that if I were her I would move my horse yesterday & wait out the final weeks prior to the move in a field somewhere if I had to rather than allow myself to be the target of any more verbally abusive behavior from the trainer.

I also attempted to acknowledge that I understand that I’m coming from a privileged position in being able to do just that. And that I realize that is unfortunately not the case for everyone. Maybe including the OP. But I thought it worth throwing out there in case it was workable & just something she hadn’t thought of. As someone who wasn’t involved in performance horses until the last 10 years, Lord knows I have had & continue to have many moments of, “Oh, wait. You mean that’s a thing?” the further along we get on the journey.

Hopefully, I misinterpreted the post & OP had at least pulled the horse off the training & lesson schedule prior to this latest incident.

[Loudlaugh12]

Thanks

I could have had horse out yesterday, but he is not used to moving around and the change from one barn where he has been for years to new barn is going to be stressful enough for him. I gambled risks of telling trainer sooner rather than later and I’m honestly not sure what the best approach would have been.

The hardest part of this has been the broken friendship. I tonight she was a very good friend.

[Gesaffelstein]

No. Good friends don’t treat you like that. In all fairness I could see trainers becoming attached to some special horses they work with, maybe she is hurting seeing your boy go. Not an excuse at all, she is toxic af, and you shouldn’t let her have your emotions like that.
Get your horse out asap, and get his feet done at the new place

[Loudlaugh12]

Well here’s an update. Without boarding contract in place, I had paid full board for August. Then, I get informed that half month will be charged for Aug 1-15, then for every day after the 15th, a day rate that is much much more expensive than board rate divided by 30. So my full board is $1100 and day rate is $90. Horse is scheduled to leave next week and this is going to be more expensive than simply paying full board for the month and leaving early. Again, no contract was ever in place. I’m trying to see if I can get him shipped out tomorrow but that depends on whether a friend can grab him.

What would you all do? Pay the money because not worth the battle?

[trubandloki]

@Loudlaugh12

Well here’s an update. Without boarding contract in place, I had paid full board for August. Then, I get informed that half month will be charged for Aug 1-15, then for every day after the 15th, a day rate that is much much more expensive than board rate divided by 30. So my full board is $1100 and day rate is $90. Horse is scheduled to leave next week and this is going to be more expensive than simply paying full board for the month and leaving early. Again, no contract was ever in place. I’m trying to see if I can get him shipped out tomorrow but that depends on whether a friend can grab him.

What would you all do? Pay the money because not worth the battle?

That is crazy. You paid for the month of August. They accepted your payment for the month of August and now they are saying nope, we are only taking half of that and then you have to pay a day rate?

I would not strange someone. But…clearly that is impolite and not allowed.

Curious, how did you pay the board and was there any memo on the memo line or note included explaining that it was board for the month?

Another curious, does this barn’s boarding contract (with those who have a contract) say anything about this weirdness?

In this case I would probably do that thing I hate so much. Move the horse. Let them bill you. Let them try to come after you for this weird thing they are announcing without any documentation.

You need to keep ALL of your documentation for this.

[Scribbler]

Your trainer is insane. I would take my horse out now. If you paid full rate for August they can’t do this legally. But it does set them up to do further craycray things like refuse to let the shipper on the property because you owe them money. That’s something you would win in court but you do not need to get wrapped up in that much trouble. Get the horse and all your gear out now and let him stand in a field for a week.

The thing is, whether you resolve this or pay or are defiant, your trainer is going to think up more batshit petty mean things to inconvenience you and may well be trying to come up with things to stall your move, out of spite.

If you pay up trainer knows you are a sucker and invents more charges. Or other things to trip you up. This isn’t over just because you roll over play nice and pay up.

Get out now. There is no telling what trainer will do over the next week. Maybe claim you don’t own the horse and are stealing it. You are on sociopath territory here.

[Loudlaugh12]

Okay to clarify, they are crediting the other half of board. So I was charged for half the month normally with the day rate to apply from 15th onward.

Oh and I don’t think anyone had a boarding contract. I paid via check with “August board” in memo.

[bingbingbing]

That is still nuts! And makes no sense. So much for her wanting to keep her reputation intact. She just couldn’t hold it together a couple of more weeks. This is the beginning of her unraveling. Get out as soon as you can.
So sorry you are dealing with her bullsh!t and additional unnecessary stress.

[trubandloki]

I think you are fine. Take your horse and leave as soon as you can and ignore all the stupidity.

[Gesaffelstein]

Ah hellllll naw. She cray cray……get your horse out asap. I wouldn’t give her a cent more

[I_dratherbe]

When is the horse currently due to ship out? If I did the math right as long as you are out by the 21st then you won’t owe any more than you have already paid.

[Ghazzu]

Seriously, get the hell out of Dodge ASAP.
I’ve go an empty stall if you need one.