Merry get those shoes OUT of the crab puffs. Lordy, the manure you just added! Beezer, come GET HER. She is now ensconced with cheap wine/whine…And pleeeeease, get that sweater to the cleaners, UGH! Can you not behave even for a wake? I know you were raised better than that 
Excuse me . . . excuse me <<pushing people out of the way>> . . . . EXCUSE ME!! I am a trained professional.
I believe we can structure this as a 503© nonprofit corporation. Yes, yes. That is exactly what we will do. Though we will make lots and lots of money on our mud scheme. . . PLAN, we can evade taxes. . . I mean “take advantage of the tax shelters” through a non-profit structure. If we can claim to be a mud-worshipping CULT, I think we can keep all of the money for ourselves, as a non-profit religious organization.
MUHHHAHAHAHAAH!!!
And when the IRS comes after us, we can claim that they are squelching our freedom of religion. Those government heavies!! Lousy G-men. (I can say that b/c I worked for the government for years.) OH OH OH - we can point to the ARK as evidence of our religious affiliation. (Noah had an ark, Noah was religious.)
AAJumper, don’t just stand there, ankle-deep in mud. BUILD THE ARK. (Oh, was I yelling? I’m sorry.)
Excellent idea! Don’t for get to give a sample to the grooms, they are often forgotten.
Fleet Apples’ stablemate was Silver Scot 
WHat flavor do you guys want this time? WHat do you think goes bet with Koi?
Well, almost. Don’t forget that we have to tell exaggerated stories about the dead thread. You know, like “ah, that was the king of threads. Four hundred and thirty eight pages it was. We won’t be seeing it’s like again.” Then we both nod knowingly and throw back some more beer.
I sent my Rottie over full of foul fumes(the pork chili, and sauce, and raw sea urchin was too much for the hose we were trying to start a fire with to handle)!!!
Merry leans out the driver’s window and calls to elizabeth, who’s climbing in the bed of the pickup. “So, how’d the test go?”
By the way, did you know your hubby Bill is hosting the Miss USA pageant? 
Has anyone … other than the spy wanna-be Elizabeth … ventured over to the counterfeit Canter thread?? They are getting scarily close to us!
But really. We meant so much more. We WERE more. One just hopes that our achievement will never fade. 
Indio was a muddy mess when I arrived on Wednesday. I jacknifed my trailer when I realized I drove in the wrong entrance to drop off my horse. I didn’t realize that my barn was closest to the paved entrance, and drove in the other entrance because that was the easiest way when I was there for week 2. So there were shavings and huge mud puddles everywhere leaving me very little room to turn around. In a desperate effort not to hit the porta-potties as I made my u-turn, I backed up a little too tight. No real damage…fortunately I have an aged truck and trailer.
Then I went to hack my horse. The only decent place to ride was way way way far away in the trailer parking lot!!! It was the only good footing. However, Miss Cypress did not enjoy hacking amongst trailers with ponies galloping from out of nowhere. We ended up going back to Mudland and hacking here and there.
Thursday was actually decent…they had been pumping water from the bogs at night and did a lot of dragging, so the arenas were okay. There were a few soggy spots in the warmup areas, but it was okay in general.
Friday was nice too…until about 4:30, after most classes were finished, fortunately. And then the wind came. And it huffed, and it puffed, and it blew the jumps down!!! It just kept getting worse and worse, and at one point, we had to stop the golf cart because we couldn’t see with all the sand blowing in our eyes! So we went back to my friend’s camper and waited for the classic at 7pm. We got to the GP arena at about 6pm and had free cold pizza and watched as they built the course. Around 6:30 I went down to check the course at the ingate. I was trying to learn the course, and I couldn’t see the arena!!! All the guys on tractors were wearing goggles. You literally could not look in the direction of the wind. Sand was blowing everywhere!!! Finally, they announced that the class would not be held that night.
The next morning was sunny and calm, and everything seemed okay…except for the giant tent that ripped and collapsed!!! I guess it blew off the pole, then landed on the spike and the ripping began. All the horses had to be evacuated and placed in whatever stalls were open. Apparently it was a real nightmare, but no one was hurt (horses included). The rest of the weekend was fine…nothing too interesting to note. I met Chef…right before my horrid AA class…I hope she didn’t stay to watch!!! It’s fun to meet people from the BB and finally get to put a face to a name.
So I packed up and left around 10 this morning, toting a fine layer of sand around in my truck and trailer!
“Oh,” Merry says sheepishly, “so, Beezer, you, ah, noticed that a lot of your gold jewelry is missing? Sorry, but we soooo needed it for meltdown. Big production crunch for QVC, you know.”
[This message was edited by Merry on Mar. 16, 2001 at 02:37 AM.]
AAJumper gazes off towards the horizon. The angle of the afternoon sun is changing…the days are getting longer and the evenings once again have that warm feel to them. Instinctively she knows spring has arrived…time to plan those summer waterskiing vacations and horse shows. LAEC, Blenheim, Showpark…so many choices…she wonders where the barn show schedule will lead her next. She lets out a deep relaxed sigh, and heads out to the barn. She tacks up Cypress with nothing but a bareback pad and a bridle, and jumps on wearing shorts and tennis shoes. She heads out, in no particular direction, but comforted with the knowledge that somehow, somewhere, the CA clique will meet again.
As a hush falls over the crowd out of respect for the bereaved lover, another thread comes stumbling drunkenly into the room. “It’s life was a lie! Everything it achieved should have been mine! My meteoric rise to success was cruelly cut short!” screamed the Terri Kessler Thread.
People! Beezer is feeling just a tad run ragged from trying to keep tabs on all of you! But first, she must say a gracious “thank you” to Vineyridge (since Merry – where ARE your manners, woman?? – did not see fit … or perhaps she is so plowed she cannot see anything at all) for her kind words about the dearly departed. Made me all teary-eyed.
Elizabeth, dear, it would seem to me that given your proven knowledge of alcholic beverages, that you have ALREADY passed the state bar exam. 
But we nonetheless send a collective kiss of luck.
Merry! Step away from that goat. Just because YOU are allergic to her is no reason to resort to violence. Just go kill some more koi. You’ll feel better.
BTW, can someone please ask the Canadian club to send some Mounties along with that bacon and beer? Now THAT would be make a fine party … er, wake.
AAJumper stumbles out of the back of Merry’s truck, eyes glazed over. The snowskiing, mudskiing, and ravenous gulping of margaritas was just a poor attempt to put off the inevitable lowering of the casket. Now sober and ready to face a new life without the thread, she ponders the Mary’s sale, thinking “hmmmm…Cypress sure would look sharp next week in a new Edgewood bridle…”
Congrats Elizabeth, on making it through the exam alive! I still remember the horrors of taking the civil engineering license exam for two days at the Pomona fairgrounds. When I went there for the Equine Affair the other weekend, I was having flashbacks!!!
Thou shalt not bear false witness, except when a fellow competitor says “I felt really good about that trip - what did you think?”
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s horse; she might have a better horse, but she has a sad marriage or ugly feet.
The entire group now heaves its bloated self back into the pickup trucks for the ride back to the family ranch…
“Hallejuah!” Merry exclaims as they tumble out of the truck. “It’s a miracle! The koi pond is abating!”
elizabeth gives Rocky, the gun-toting, knife-wielding Labrador the ‘go/hunt’ command. The black dog leaps into the koi pond. There’s a splashing of muck and muddy water. On shore, the cult… er, non-profit group… jingle their curb chains to encourage the canine frenzy.
“Yikes!” Suave yells out. “Was that a gunshot?”
“Settle down,” wtywmn says. “The dog’s got a good aim.”
With a shake of his ebony coat the Lab springs from the mire and trots up to the group with a mouthfull of koi.
“The sacrificial koi!” Merry proclaims. “Now, AAJumper, just eat this carp raw while we jingle our curb chains, and you’ll be free of the evil jumping-ahead-self-doubting spirit that now rules you!”
I just did as I was told, like a good cult member should. Can I borrow the blender from the cooking show? It time to make more Margaritas.
A car wash for horses, excellent idea.
It could be made in a large horse trailer and taken to all the shows no more muddy over crowded wash racks.
Suave - if you go to the barn today, be sure to say hello to Luc for me! I had him during 99 before Helen bought him. He is so GREAT! I will attempt to post a pic…
Yes, it is pouring down rain in CA today! My mom is trying to get here from Boston, but is now stuck in Dallas due to weather. I have to now go to Ontario to get her! Alas, we are off to Hawaii on Tuesday for a week of sun and fun…
Anne 
