The funeral has begun. You are all invited to attend the wake

[Beezer]

Which she would be. If only she weren’t still out trying to explain to the sheriff’s deputies why the bedraggled woman out by the koi pond shouldn’t be hauled off…

“Really, sir. She’s the legal rep for our cult. Honest. The Cult of Fleet Apple. We worship at the side of the Great Koi Pond, where in addition to harvesting koi for the wake for our great “Question for Merry” thread on the Chronicle’s bulletin board, we also harvest mud for the soon-to-be-famous Merry’s Mud Masque that’s gonna make our NONPROFIT cult moolah bucks – which, now that I think about it, was the name of this great western horse. But I digress. Really, that’s Elizabeth and she’s quite harmless. The QHSM even feeds her!”

There also this slight problem Merry’s having even LOGGING ONTO the BB, let alone the beloved wake thread. Blame the Canadians’ apparent overthrow of Infopop. (Hmmm … being a true cult, we martyred our original thread for the betterment of the BB, but now the Canadians are bogging it down.)

We must regain control! We must march northward, declaring martial law along the border! We must FREE MERRY from the frozen grip of the Canadian Clique!

[equitationlane]

Curb chain bracelets! Afraid I beat you to it by several decades. When I was in seventh grade, YEARS AGO, my horsy friends and I wore them all year. It never caught on with the rest of the less than SAUVE classmates, but we knew we were special.

[elizabeth]

[I]Whew! Well, with all the fast and furious posting by the juniors, we need a little retreat. . . just like we have here on our Wake Thread.

<<sigh>> Rusty, please make me a Cadbury Creme Egg Margarita. (I’m getting in the Easter spirit early.)

Yes, now where were we? I guess we were dabbling in taunting the Canadians.[/I]

Do you suppose they realize that most of us had to take off our blazers when we went out for lunch today because it was so hot? If it keeps up, Koi Boy will not need his sheet at night anymore. . . . I doubt the Canadians can think about taking the borium off their horses’s shoes yet.

[elizabeth]

Beezer, whew, we thought we had lost you.

No worries on Bill’s toupee. He likes it to be handled kinda rough!

As to the Canadian Thread, if you or I were confined to a bucolic area overwhelmed by snow and people who insert extra “u”'s in their words (e.g. favourite), we likely would be a little bit “different,” too.

Oh, hey, Beezer, it’s funny. . . . This wine is in an Ecco Domani bottle, but it tastes like. . . wine from a box.

[Beezer]

And Merry, get the steak knife away from mother’s weird black Labrador. (Belated memo to wake-sters: Watch out for the crazy Labrador. He has a fondness for steak knifes. He will chase people with them. Frankly, I think he has just learned that he needs protection from the JRTs.)

Now, give me a moment here. I’ve got to get more of that wine in a box into the carafes…

[Beezer]

Beezer, just back from the emergency room after slipping and falling at work and damaging her ankle … SIGH … says that you’ll all be happy to know that the Dr. Baer who treated her and knew all about the Huntington Beach EC is NOT related to Tracy Jacox-Baer (sp??). Yes, Beezer asked. And yes, Beezer is a klutz. There is a reason she is nicknamed Calamity Beezer.

[weeble]

if we’re going to LAX to beg…um, solicit funds, don’t we need a song to sing while we are on the correct side of the yellow line to sucker, I mean, interest all the travelers in our scam/plan? I mean, a few tambourines a few “happy feet”, a Lab with a knife, and dishelved looking people covered with mud…it just doesn’t get any better.

[wtywmn4]

Straight up elizabeth, on the rocks or with a splash? See how important you are? But you have to stop knocking those kids down, I mean…even if they do need it. Wty jangles her curb, wondering how much it will cost to have it dipped in 14k. That would be a nice look, could even do Rocky’s collar.

coreene, we have a fresh batch, thanks to rusty and now we need to address the curb chain enterprise. Leave him alone!! The woman is insatible.Wty wanders off, giggling to herself, picturing Merry in her gold sequined dress…That Beezer, she sure has a way with words.

Rexford? How are you coming with those questions?
Good, Merry is doing something other than fighting with Beezer. Heaving a large sigh of relief, one hates to see sisters fighting!

[This message was edited by wtywmn4 on Mar. 15, 2001 at 08:17 AM.]

[Merry]

Don’t even get me started on the portly Jack Russells my sister, Beezer, owns. Do you know that every Christmas I get them some sort of costume or doggy blanket, and I immediately have to ah, make “alterations” knowing full well ahead of time that the garments aren’t going to be, uhm, “generous enough” in the girth? So keep them the heck away from the buffet table!

As for the wine, hey, I was raised on vintage homemade “wine coolers”: Mogen-David and 7UP!

“Now, about Edgar Pagan,” Merry says, noticeably getting ready to dish some gossip, as she yanks off her muddied muckers, “all I can tell you is that we sold one of our smashingly attractive Trakehners to one of his clients. A faaaabbbbuluous black gelding, darling.”
Merry readjusts her cashmere sweater, which is becoming a bit ripe from a combination of raw fish juices and brown, manure-tainted water. She then continues. “Anyway, we sold the gelding to an amateur lady. Quite an attractive woman. Very ‘Newport’ in appearance, I might add. A tad ‘busty’ was what my father noted, but I digress. Unfortunately this woman was also the prototypical ‘soccer mom’, so she handed off her ‘rusty stirrup/amateur adult hunter’ to Edgar, who promptly turned the horse into a preliminary jumper. I’ll say that when and if the lady reclaims her horse, she’ll have no trouble making the height in the Adult Amateurs!”

Merry realizes that perhaps the last batch of koi had spent too much time swimming in water now mainly composed of run-off from the paddocks. The sushi seems to have a definite acidic aftertaste… She considers opening up a carton of Mrs. Paul’s frozen fishsticks and wonders if anyone will think such an offering would be crass…

[rusty]

Am I the only one still “awake” here?

[Beezer]

“Actually,” says Beezer, licking off the residue left on her fingers after konking Merry upside the head, “I have come up with a new business scam … er, PLAN … for that koi pond. Why don’t we take a page from the beauty folks and start manufacturing mud packs? After all, Merry, everyone is always complimenting us on our lovely skin. We could attribute it to more than just good genes … we could thank the mud!!”

[I]The more Beezer ponders this scam … er, PLAN! … the more she grows to like it. She decides she will have to involve Coreene for her advertising/marketing know-how, and because every fledgling scam … PLAN!! … needs a lawyer, Elizabeth will have to be pressed into service. Merry can be the model.

Rusty? Weeble? AAJumper? Everyone else in??[/I]

[SuaveReno]

Didn’t he used to have jumpers with Hap

Suave Reno has just grabbed the bottle of merlot since she helped herself to more than her fairshare of Rusty’s margaritas

[rusty]

I should know the answer to the horse in the Greay Flannel Suit question since I have watched a zillion times in the past feew months. My daughter loves it. But it is to early to be thinking right now.

[weeble]

I was a little slow with the takeout, seems they couldn’t cook because of the bleepin’ rolling blackouts! Lucky for us it was a bright, beautiful, sunny day. Hear that, Canadians? I know you’re here reading.

Anyway, it would seem that while we toast on the beach (don’t need power for that) and enjoy our food and margaritas we should be able to figure out a way to get some of our necessary power from up north, like, just over the border.

Rusty, pass over one of those margaritas. Wty, don’t hog all the lotion and Merry, open up the bag with all the plastic silverware so we can dig in. By the way, the extra bag is for Rocky and the JRT’s.

[elizabeth]

I was boycotting the board b/c I am still a little. . . miffed . . . about last night. However, altruistic woman that I am, I realized you NEED my expertise for this wake. I am uniquely qualified to speak to the issue of protocol at wakes b/c I am (a) Catholic and (b) Italian.

O.k., we are off to a good start here: Rosie and Merry are having a spat (teasing, teasing) over the black glove, and having feuding contingents is necessary to have a good Italian wake. There must be an impatient air of suspended battles at the funeral parlor. Also, someone sagely mentioned alcohol on the Merry Thread. We need to have someone leaving the wake early to go back to one of the families’ homes (coreene’s home? or Rancho Merry?) to begin preparing for the after-wake drink-fest. Generally those things are catered, but, to keep costs down, we can do it pot-luck.

What else? Let me get back to you . . . .

[rusty]

Merry how could you step in the crab cakes.
ANd elizabeth has taken the last few fish cakes from Mrs. Pauls what are we to do?
We could BBQ the Koi sauce should take care of the after taste from the run off.

[JustaLurker]

As I paged through the topics looking for this one, I found that it had dropped to page 2! This is unacceptable but perhaps understandable. By now everyone must either be sky high or suffering the mother of all hangovers

We must either keep this going or switch our allegiance to the currently appropriate Noah topic.

[weeble]

Cult? Possibly we could be identified by our show bows and muckers. All together now…
lotus position, OHHHMMMMMMMMMM

[SuaveReno]

We need a cool name and a jingle perhaps

[Beezer]

Beezer frantically scrabbles through her jewelry armoire … “What the heck?? I KNOW I have more gold chains than this … and what’s happened to my silver??”

Then she shrugs. Easy come, easy go … as in, LET’S GO SHOPPING!