Did we go to the same church… or have the same grandmother? I had the same “no blasphemy/rot in hell” thoughts.
Love the tenets. Let’s frame them.
Now, for the sacrificial Labrador. I don’t know. It’s hard to let him go. It truly gives me such a sense of power. I can actually command that animal. He obeys me with such devotion, it’s so bizarre! He is my canine puppet. Now, if I could only rule horses in such a manner…
What about sacrificing an object? Like one of those “No Bounce” Sports bras?
“Why, yes, we may need an offshoot enterprise. Diversify, right? Just in case the wind kicks up and we get the Indio Effect.” Merry rips the knife out of Suave’s hand. “Sorry, but if you go waving knives around, the crazed Labrador will go into a frenzy, and I cannot be responsible.”
Merry likes the idea of a “compound”. But is Corona del Mar suitable horse property? I mean, there isn’t even a tack shop at Fashion Island! 
Hmmm… secondary mission… identify all Canadians. Quiz them on California trivia. If they fall below a score of 60%, they must be deported! 
should unquestionably be “Singing in the Rain”. It’s bright, it’s perky, it’s likely to stop passersby in their tracks, when it’s sung by the devotees of Fleet Apple, all mudded up in Merry’s Marvelous Muck Mud Masque. For–how else is the cult able to harvest their muck, except in the rain? Without rain, there would be no cult, no mud, and no money from muck.
If this has been suggested previously, let me say that I’ve been spending too much time in ERs in the last couple of days, and not enough reading the Wake. 
Oh, a “Typo Circuit” fresh off the press with a cover date of December 2000. Right on time! And it’s autographed by Jim Dahlquist and Donna Storkan.
Chef now runs into the center of the room. “I knew I’d get nothing! The Merry Thread always liked dublin better!” Then Chef immerses head into brandy-spiked punch bowl and gulps like a fish…
By the way, I think I’m drinking too much. I’m seeing double. Which thread is actually the funeral???
While the California gang and friends have been into eat, drink, and frolic, the “Ask Canter” topic disappeared from the Board. Who has the magic to do that? 
And, not only did the “Ask Merry” topic go from a 5-star to a 4-star before being locked, but this one did too. Did the Canadians do that to us in retaliation for their topic disappearing? However, perhaps 4 stars is more attention getting than 5 as it shows that we have a little humility, something the rest of the country doesn’t attribute to Californians
Please pass the bean dip and I’ll take a refill of my Margarita. Thanks.
Cheers, Maggi
Don’t mind the fact that I’ve set down three large, bright blue plastic Mary’s bags behind the headstone. Since Beezer is at home, secreting away her purchases so her hubby can’t find them, I’ll begin the service by saying that, although the Canadians may indeed surpass our thread in length, it cannot possibly surpass ours in quality or spirit. I mean, we researched answers to questions (psychic hotline). We ferreted out the backgrounds of former local trainers (FBI files and private investigators). We dished on horse show celebrities (The National Enquirer). Our thread STOOD for something… what exactly escapes me right now, but I’m sure it’ll come to me soon.
“A heathen is among us!” shouts Merry. “elizabeth, grab the sacred sword and chase that blasphemous Canadian out of here!”
Now, what else can we burn? Underwear, bras… how about hairnet? Does anyone really, really like wearing hairnets? What about when those pesky little knots get imbedded in your scalp?
it wasn’t us Canadians, I swear!
Tin refuses eye contact as she hides hooded cloak behind her back and slowly backs away. Once out of “grabbing” distance she turns, screams and runs away really really fast!
weeble writes furiously as Elizabeth fields calls on her cell phone nonstop. They all want an audience with the cult, Regis, Matt Lauer, wait…Jerry Springer??? Oh, Jerry just wants the dogs.
The ladies on “The View” want Merry and Beezer for their fashion and beauty segment. weeble wonders if Elizabeth ever considered entertainment law?
Being the humanitarian that I am, and for the sake of maintaining the peace within the CA Clique, I have hired a private investigator who has been trailing the person who calls herself “Merry”. It appears that our Miss Merry entertains visions of herself as the Merrier Widow of the thread.
The picture below was snapped this afternoon - girls she’s already embarked on her spending spree. Methinks she’ll soon be replacing that fence with a nice WB.
SIGH… 
A NYLON halter???
SIGH…
Wtywmn, and the rest of the thread cultists, as a goodwill gesture, practised best by those who are fully confident of their clique superiority, we’ll lend you the forceps should the need ever arise.
BTW, I predict that we shall be shattering a record or two tonight. Brace yourselves, it’s going to be a bumpy ride.
That email was merely a trick by Weeble to get you to post and thus add to the greater glory of our thread. And you fell for it!! 
After finally being released from the tenacious grip of the Jack Russells, AAJumper has a moment to ponder the possible earning potential of the cult, what with all these appearances they will be making. She glances around the room wondering, “now that we’ll all be rolling in $$$$, who will be the first to buy one of those $500,000 hunters that everyone’s been talking about???” She becomes mesmorized thinking of all the stuff she could buy…
I’m soooo sorry this had to come out at the wake! 
elizabeth, can you ever forgive me? Suave, you weren’t supposed to spill the beans, so to speak. I gave you that dear, blond child as a gift in exchange for your Lexi mare, and what do you do? Ruin me in my darkest hour!
As for Duffy2’s revelation… Okay, I admit it. I pushed for the IV drip to be pulled from the vein of Merry Thread’s arm. Like the cast of Seinfeld, I wanted us to walk away with some dignity, not be shuttled off when we had become mere shadows of our youth.
Now totally sauced and off the wagon for the first time in a decade, Merry jumps atop the buffet table, just as she warned, rips off her string of pearls, pushes up the sleeves of her black cashmere sweater and breaks into “OH CANADA!”, but obnoxiously changes the words into something vaguely rude…
The only stars I’m seeing are from my hangover. Or perhaps from being clomped on the head by the remains of the ice sculpture. This occurred when rusty collapsed on the buffet table after slipping in a pool of spilled margarita mix.
Now, how do we corrupt the Canadian Mounties? Lure them over the border with offerings of food that don’t contain cured flesh or organ meats? Temperatures below the freezing mark? Guaranteeing them that they can actually experience what it’s like to have tan lines?
rusty, don’t forget take the keys to the truck. And stop at the 7-11 on the way back. We need ice. You may want to drop the preacher off, he’s looking a little, well, better than he did, but…
Beezer, the hair piece unfortunately is in bad shape. The dogs just ripped it to shreds. We need a burial for it too! OMG** Merry is advancing on the goat again. Someone quick, call for take out!! coreene, please dear, let him go! I know, I know, he is truly cute. (a big sigh) As with all wakes, it just takes time…
Merry! You have way too much time on your hands if you could write that poem! J/K! Good poem!
After the man’s wife smacked his hand with a spatula his cute Swedish nurse brought him a dozen purloined cookies upstairs. He died a happy man
Victor said to me the other day as I SuaveReno was kissing the real Reno’s nose, “Senora, besos para su esposo solamente”. To which I replied, “Los besos para Reno es muy mejor!”
Usually I call my husband to tell him I will be late from the barn and the thread!!!
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