The Tale of Gary Stu -

Spin Off - a parody of a paragon.

The Tale of Gary Stu is a work of fiction, any resemblance to any person living or dead is purely coincidental.

Chapter 1

Gary Stu entered the trade hall of the WEG, he carried himself with an air of confidence befitting one who had not only also reached the top of his profession but had achieved world renown as The Dressage Maestro.

Gary Stu paused at the first book stall, he was disappointed not to see his latest tome, Up with the Spur, on the shelves. He picked up a new publication on Nuno by Blessings Limelight and flicked through it idly.

“What rubbish”, he thought, “how can a woman even begin to understand using their backs as a clutch, when everybody knows women can’t drive stick shift”.

Just then the stall holder appeared.

“Gary Stu, Maestro” he cried (literally in tears). “I sold all my copies of your book in the first hour of opening. I have ordered a fresh consignment which will arrive tomorrow. Could I prevail upon you to return, and conduct a book signing”

“But of course” said Gary Stu, “I will be here early tomorrow, as my book will, I have no doubt, once again quickly sell-out.”

Gary Stu made his way along the trade standards although his progress was slow, hindered by the numerous fans wanting him to sign his book, and in some cases a T-shirt ridiculing the riders of Bogville stables, his arch enemies and jealous detractors.

“I wonder how many more there will be”, he thought as he scrawled his signature over the heaving bosom of yet another fan. “I must be careful to preserve my hand from too much work, I don’t want to compromise its lightness”.

As he further progressed, he felt an anxious tug on the back of his shirt. He turned to find Charlie Garden staring at him in rapture.

“Gary Stu, Maestro” she gushed, “I didn’t know you would be here. I just wanted to thank you, if you hadn’t pointed out how bad my hands were I would never had corrected them sufficiently to win the world championship again”.

“You’re welcome” Gary Stu replied, “it is my heavy burden that I can see what others can’t but I am driven to point out faults, for the sake of the horse”.

Charlie blushed, “would it be possible for you to give me a lesson sometime, I know I would benefit greatly from your wisdom. I’ll pay your 1st class airfare and accommodation” she hurried on, “please it would be so good if you could come to my barn and help me with all my horses”.

“But of course, and I won’t even charge you for your lessons” said Gary Stu munificently, “you may invite all your friends as I am sure they will also benefit from my great knowledge”.

Chapter 2
Would anybody like to continue chapter 2?

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TBH this made me want to puke. Bravo!

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Um, …yes

:raising_hand_woman:

That’s me raising my hand.

Sharing this here, in case folks haven’t seen it already …

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Gary Stu wandered through the crowds towards the warm-up arena, he smiled as he saw the recognition in people’s faces and heard the occasional awed whisper “Maestro”. He also saw, out of the corner of his eye, the flick of a bathrobe as one person turned tail and ran.

“Bogvillers” he thought contemptuously, they’ve spent so much time in their basements they no longer know how to dress in public.

He entered the stands in the warm-up arena just in time to see Teddy Guy, the top Belgian dressage rider fluff a line of 1s with his magnificent black stallion Tortillas. Teddy started as he caught sight of Gary Stu’s face.

“Gary Stu, Maestro” he exclaimed, “I know not what’s going wrong, I am begging you to get on and show me how he should be ridden”.

“I only have my sneakers on” Gary Stu demurred.

“But everyone knows you’re capable of riding in any attire” said Teddy.

“Oh very well” said Gary Stu, taking the reins and mounting the steed. He walked the horse once around the arena, then started a PiPa tour. Gary Stu could hear the gasps of amazement in the watching crowd. A transition to walk, then canter, and a perfect line of ones followed. The audience erupted with applause, then gasps of horror as Tortillas taking exception to the noise started to rear. Gary Stu smiled and calmly turned the rear into a levade, the crowd was silenced, dumbfounded.

Gary Stu walked the horse over to Teddy, and was surprised to find him in tears.

“What’s upset you Teddy” Gary Stu asked.

“Oh Maestro” Teddy sobbed, “seeing you ride Tortillas, I now know I can never ride as well as you, I am ashamed. Only you can bring the best out in this horse, I want you to accept this horse as a gift, please take him and bring him to the greatness only you and he together can achieve”

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And then Gary Stu awakened from his daydream when the quarter ran out in the WalMart horse and he fell off sideways as he tried to swing his leg over.

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I am in tears, yearning for more.

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“Oh Teddy how could you!” there was a shriek from the crowd. Charlie Garden pushed her way to the front. “Everybody knows if Gary Stu takes over Tortillas, I will never be world champion again”. Charlie burst into tears.

“Don’t worry Charlie” said Gary Stu sadly, “Everyone also knows I no longer compete, due to the insane jealousy of the Bogville riders and their bribery of the judges”. Gary Stu handed the reins to Teddy, “besides I also have 10 up and coming youngsters in my barn, I’m afraid I don’t have room, even for one as great as Tortillas”.

“I may have a solution to that”, a voice spoke from the crowd. Gary Stu turned to see Bobby Kent approaching them. “As you know, I have always wanted to learn the airs” continued Bobby, “and I finally have the ten million dollars to buy Titanic, the 5yo OTTB, you have trained in the airs as well as the GP movements. Please accept this check for him”.

Gary Stu stared at the check in consternation, “the airs are very special, I don’t think I can accept this without also offering to train you in how to ride them”.

“Oh Gary Stu, Maestro” exclaimed Bobby, “you do me such a great honour, I am overwhelmed!”.

Teddy handed Tortillas’ reins back to Gary Stu, and then fled the arena once again in tears.

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Sell this on Amazon, maybe as a graphic novel, and well ALL buy it!!

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After graciously accepting the reins to his new gift horse Tortillas, Gary Stu turned to his adoring fans and said " I have a secret to share with all of you, my adoring fans. I am now going to tell you the reason I am so very amazing and talented with horses, and why none of you will ever achieve my superior level of knowledge.
You see, I am using magic. Yes, that’s right, magic. And to hide my talents I have been using the nom de plume of Gary Stu. I shall now reveal my true identity to you all!
My real name is Gilderoy Lockhart, and for the past several years until quite recently I’ve been under the spell of a memory charm making me forget who I really am. Now the spell is broken, and you may all revel in my greatness once again!"

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“Only joking people”, Gary Stu laughed, “but I have actually been asked to train all the horses in the next Magical Hairy Cobbers movie, not only will I teach them to levade, I will teach them to levitate!”

Once again there was applause.

“Oh Gary Stu, Maestro, thank goodness I found you”. The show organiser appeared at his elbow. “The head judge for the next class has caught Covid, despite being triple vaccinated and wearing a full hazmat suit since the start of the pandemic. We desperately need a new judge as the audience is revolting, especially the ones in the bathrobes.”

“Well I’d be delighted, but I don’t have the appropriate certificate to judge an FEI class”, said Gary Stu.

“Oh that’s not a problem” said the show organiser, “I have spoken to the FEI, and given your renowned expertise, they have agreed that you can forgo all the classroom training, the years of judging experience, the hours of examinations and immediately give you a 5* judge rating even though you’ve never judged a class at any level before!”

“Then of course I shall judge the class”, said Gary Stu, “and you may be certain I shall judge fairly since I am probably the only judge who has not been corrupted by the Bogville Stable riders!”

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Brilliant! I’m breathlessly waiting for the next installment.

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And with those words, Gary Stu turned and smiled inwardly, lifting one eyebrow and rubbing his hands together gleefully in Fagan style. Unbeknownst to anyone, he did indeed see the bathrobe wearers as being revolting. “The day had come,” he whispered to himself.

His revery was interrupted by a small voice at his elbow. “What??” He growled as his gaze fell upon the wee waif extending a package to him.

“Please, suh, if you will…here is your bathrobe of silk. You will need it to judge the class.”

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“ Aha”, thought Gary Stu, “what an excellent idea, in this disguise the bogvillers will think I’m one of them and will applaud every mark I give, then when the class is finished I will be able to throw off the robe and completely reveal myself!”

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Internet gold, right here. I feel like Christmas came early this year!

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Ugh, no reveal, please.

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:rofl:

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There was a knock on the door. “Come in,” muttered the Great Impresario of WEG, hard at work in orchestrating the events of the week. Scratching this, adding that. The usual.

The Wee Waif cautiously opened the door and quietly shut it behind him, tiptoeing silently until the Impresario dropped his pen.

“Ahhh…it is you. Well then…did you succeed in giving the Emperor…err sorry…the Maestro that is…his new clothes? The ‘majikal’ ones of course. Invisible properties and what not.”

The Wee Waif nodded.

“Then you have done well, Cricket, and earned your crust of bread.” The Great Impresario dropped several gold coins into the waif’s outstretched hand before returning to his work. The Waif scampered off as soundlessly as he had entered. “Things should get interesting soon,” thought Great Impresario of WEG as he nibbled on his pen.

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I’d better wear my magical underwear.

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Gary Stu is back!

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