At my very first show, everyone was lined up to receive ribbons for a Pre-SS class (walk-trot, haha) and my name is announced along with my pony (“Sock it to Me”) My mom announces to my trainer “They got his name wrong! His name is Boots, not Sock it to Me!!”. She had no clue about show names. Those were the days 
I was back in the showring after a several-year hiatus, showing my western pleasure Arabian. My friend/trainer was sitting on the rail, giving advice and moral support every time I would pass. I was having trouble maintaining good hand position with romal reins since it had been years since I had ridden with them. After a few rounds of gentle advice, such as “Pretend you’re holding an ice cream cone”, my hands would revert back to their incorrect position. Finally, in exasperation, she said loudly, “Pretend you’re holding a big p****.”
I nearly fell off my horse laughing at that point. Hopefully the judge didn’t hear her, but all the people in the stands did!
Liz
Florida back n the day in one of the schooling rings…
Me to rider wearing a polo shirt and britches: Excuse me, I believe your polo is on backwards.
Rider: Looking down at shirt and looking back at me queerly: What are you talking about?
Me (now pointing down at the horse’s leg): Your polo… it’s on backwards.
I would hope one couldn’t get all the way up to a schooling ring with your polo shirt on backwards…but then again, I would hope that one would have noticed the backwards polo wrap too.
There was also a famous story about a BNR being asked to locate their horse’s dock during an equitation test at, I think, regionals. Their response was to point to the pole - with the judge looking at her in disbelief and telling her it was the other end!
Got to tell on myself!
Ok I will post one on myself, because I can now laugh at it.
Somewhat horse related:
Years ago I was going to PA to pick up 3 horses from Penn National, I needed to borrow my dad’s truck because my truck wasn’t running right.
[B]So dad says[/B] "sure you can, just call the insurance company to make sure you are covered".
[B]Me: [/B] Okay, no problem..
I call the insurance company and am talking to the guy and I ask him if I am covered to drive my dad’s truck.
[B]Insurance guy:[/B] uummmm yeah your covered.
I call my dad back and tell him (whole process maybe took 10 minutes).
[B] Dad:[/B] wow that was quick.............. Honey... what insurance company did you call?
[B] Me:[/B] Blue Cross Blue Shield
Dad dies laughing, I still don't get it... I swear sometimes the blonde jokes really are true!!!This is a few years old.
Trainer has mare at breeding farm to get bred. Trainer has owned mare for several years and goes to pick her up. Brings her back to the barn. Unloads her and everyone looks at him as he brought home the wrong mare! Had to reload mare and take her back and pick up the correct mare.
ok this was me
was riding in an double judged open western pleasure class on a horse that I had lessoned on but never showed before
we are all in the line up (fairly large group about 20) and they call 1st place with horses name, riders name and number
no one moves…
they call again, and I hear my barnmates yelling, it was me but because I had no idea what his registered/show name was I tuned out after hearing the horse’s name
True stories of West Virgina 4-H
County Fair 4-H horse show, Judge says after the class “I don’t care what lead or diagonal you are on, this is hunter under saddle class, it doesn’t matter”
Another judge at a 4-H open show says to me after an equitation flat class “your heels are too far down, that is why you didn’t place.” (and no, my heels were not jammed down, I had a very nice leg)
4-H rule book at the time said “jumps should be a minimum of 50’ apart…Ground lines should be placed the same distance from the jump as the height of the jump”. The adults in charge were pretty clueless about jumping, but at least they read the rule book. The lines were set at 50’ and the ground lines were rolled out 2’-2’6", on the landing side of the jump :eek:
Another year a more knowledgeable parent set up the jumps: two outside lines, a diagonal line, and a diagonal single. The judge is in charge of making up the courses. And she has us jump the both the diagonals backward.
At the state fair horse show we were allowed to walk the course. Trainer walks a line with us, says it is 60’ so we should do 4 strides. Judge is walking near us, he corrects the trainer and says it is a 5 stride, nicely explaining that 60’ divided by 12 is 5. Trainer is polite enough not to say anything to him, and has us add in the lines 
When I was a teenager I used to show a lovely TB mare owned by a friend. We were going cross country one day and I could feel her start to plan her stop for one of the jumps, I loudly informed the mare that she was a foxhunter damn it and if she didn’t jump this she was never going to be able to show her face in the hunt field again. She did go over, but it took a lot of leg and was just about from a walk. I could hear the fence judge laughing at me the whole time :lol:
Bumped up because I need more quotes - and more laughs!! 
My friend and I were getting ready to unload our horses for a trail ride at Fairhill and noticed another rider attempting to load her horse. She was having a terrible time. The horse finally broke away from her and galloped off. The horse’s owner grabbed a lead and went after the horse. We walked over to the other rider who was standing at the trailer with her horse and offered to help when the horse and rider returned. I mentioned that my friend was very good at loading difficult horses and the rider replied, " Oh so is the horse’s owner, she gives clinics on loading horses." Sign me up for the next one!!!
[QUOTE=eclipse;5876706]
Trainer to me: “you need to steer” after I landed out of a six bar and proceeded to go right into the spectators tent! :eek:[/QUOTE]
Eclipse dear, I think we’re still waiting for video of this event. See previous posts within this thread.
OMG I have heard trainers tell their students “Make love to your saddle!”
Huh? These a children damint!
crap…I was hoping everyone had forgot!! LOL
Had a not so welcomed trainer tell her student all season “T N T” Tits and Teeth.
At a local rated show I was walking near the back gate with a little girl from my barn (age 11ish). She walks up to the back gate guy: “so, has anyone fallen off today?”
back gate guy: “I think one or two people did earlier”
girl: “DARN! I missed it! I love watching people fall off.”
back gate guy: “umm, have you ever fallen off?”
girl: “oh yah. I spent more time falling off my old pony than actually riding her”
At a small schooling show walk/ trot class. In the group are two girls from a “sketchy” arab barn on very old horses. One looks about 5, the other maybe 12. The older girl (or her horse) are as close as possible to the other girl. First girl then runs her horse into a jump, second horse runs into first horse, and both girls fall off simultaneously. Both girls sit up, look at each other, and SPRINT to the back gate screaming. Their horses start to nap at the other side of the ring where they were left.
The other day in a lesson:
Instructor: “Go into your two point position. Do you know what that is?”
Student drops reins, and holds up two fingers
[QUOTE=ParadiseFound;3555341]
My favorite quote EVER was from my father (he’s not brain dead, but this is kind of hilarious) at the first show he came to watch me in. I was doing a medal called the Horse and Hound and went in and jumped a pretty nice round. We were second to last, so I cooled my horse down in the warm up ring while watching the rest go when my dad signaled me over to the rail. His very serious question.
“So…when do you do the part with the hounds?”
I love my dad.[/QUOTE]
I almost started crying I was laughing so hard :lol: Your dad sounds awesome!!
Best thing I can think of right now besides the frightening rides I’ve seen at local shows, and trainers tearing little kids heads off (that’s never cool dude)…
First show of a random season on my appendix gelding, he was a bit of a spit fire - the kind of horse that went best when ridden almost every day. It was a decent local type of benefit show. Had a good turnout. I was nervous. First two rounds were a bit fast. We were only doing 2’3, so he took some long spots, etc. It wasn’t like “OMG shes going to fall off” type of round, but it was noticeable he was speeding around a bit. We did pull it together nicely for the third round and I belive placed. Anyways…my mom was recording one of the first two rounds and seemed to forget that the camera picked up noise in the recording as well. She perceeded to comment on every bad spot and even said, and I quote “At least it’s only $10 a class at this show”. I was mortified when I watched/heard it on the way home (as I was slightly upset with how the day had went to begin with). Now I just laugh :lol:
[QUOTE=eclipse;5892669]
crap…I was hoping everyone had forgot!! LOL[/QUOTE]
Not a chance! :winkgrin:
I knew a lady whose maiden name was Fuchs. I wouldn’t think that would be too difficult for an announcer to say properly, but…
"Next up on course, Stacy … "
at an open show a few weeks ago - in Hunter Saddle Pleasure type (think arabs, morgans, asb’s, etc - the show splits them up between stock type and saddle type)) - a QH accidentally enters the class and no one notices (ok - the stewards and judges don’t notice - we all snicker on our horses lol). Go through the class, he ties the QH first… and then proceeds to explain to the remaining 9 of us in the line up mounted on morgans, arabs, and asb’s " I’m sorry, but I just don’t like the arch in your necks"…ummmmm…were in saddle pleasure type for a reason lol…
at a breeding/training/boarding barn i used to be at. Boarder is known to get hammered - ALOT. Like every day (think…“he turns his horse out in the paddock, then walks directly to said horses door and starts talking sweet to the horse - that isnt in the stall” kinda drunk lol). So we are preg checking mares - via ultrasound - rectally of course. We had some non horsey guys in repainting the barn for the owner. Drunk boarder sits there and explains in great detail to these men how amazing it is how we artificially inseminate mares rectally and they get in foal and deliver vaginally… and I simply turned to them and stated…“and thats why some horses are just plain @$$holes!” It took everything in me not to die laughing…
