buuuump… anyone out there? is there anyone out there? OMG is there anyone there?
<BLOCKQUOTE class=“ip-ubbcode-quote”><div class=“ip-ubbcode-quote-title”>quote:</div><div class=“ip-ubbcode-quote-content”>Originally posted by jetsmom:
naters-Why don’t you have a little fun with the Rhodesian Ridgebacks owners when they return? Just before they get back, get a bunch of hair gel and smooth out the ridges that run down their back.
<span class=“ev_code_RED”>Happy Birthday mcm!!!</span>
Reynard Ridge- Does this mean the 700.00 pony’s sheath doesn’t get cleaned by you, or is it a mare? </div></BLOCKQUOTE>
ROTFLMAO 
Thats funny!
OK- I just had a little fun on the Open Range thread. It just begged to get some “different answers”.
I was going to say an open range is what you have at a restaurant with multiple ranges and one isn’t being used…hence, open range. That is until they get the next order for “Palamino Poppers” and have to fire it up.
Just imagine what DMK will be mumbling when they perform surgery on her hand! In the Nude, Orgasmatron, Rainbow Bridge…they may commit her and then we’ll need to change the title again! DMK committed after Really Poorly hand surgery!
So Sorry this is going to be long
PLEASE DON’T FLAME ME*********
I am starting a competition about who has the best life story, and I am starting!
Hi, my name is Snap and I was born 23 years ago in Maine (ok, that is true) to an alcoholic mother who was obsessed with horses. She spent her whole life in a barn living in the loft and eventually at the age of 16 had an affair with a tripod in town for the rodeo. The resulting 9 months of breaking horses for the track were tough on my ever expanding mother but eventually she bedded down in a stall, called the vet, took a big gulp of smegma cooler and prepared for the arrival of her child. Big surprise, since her affair was with a tripod she had triplets! She named us Snap, Crackle, and of course Pop. She was thrilled with her originality as she had come up with so many great horse names such as Hor-Sea and Fat-Mare.
I only saw my father one other time when he was in the hospital for a perforated colon. Something about too much time with his stallions…We never saw him again as he went to prison or something.
As there was no money since Mom was working for a BNT and she did all the work and got no pay, we continued to live in the hay loft. As soon as we could walk we were grooming for her and she even got us our first pony to share. We named her Krispy as she had been a resque pony that had been too close to the fire when my mother saw ability to walk, trot, canter, jump 6’ jumps all with a bamboo limb. She was the prettiest pony ever as she was grey/bay/chestnut!
Mom was busy all day with the BNT’s horses so we fared for ourselves and trained each other up to 200th level dressage and the 12’ jumpers. Those were the days…
At 9 we all got jobs at the tack shop to make some extra cash. By 14 we had stolen enough cash able to buy a nice single wide on cinder blocks and its own barn. Mom was reluctant to move but we convinced her she was her own BNT anyway and we’d get her some clients.
Sadly in a freak accident riding her 19h Gypsy Vanner across the road to our new home my mother passed out and fell off the horse. He was a stallion so we knew he would find his way home but mom was very dazed. We gave her some flax seed cookies and she came around ok (don’t worry, we donated to their fund first!). But this brush with death made her want to retire.
So the three girls took on the business and became millionaires stealing commissions.
We all were a little bored, except Crackle who liked to be really lazy and had a great resque business on the side. So Crackle stayed with Mom while Pop went out to become a famous vet. She discovered BOSS you know! I call her every five minutes to check in about my horses.
At age 20 I decided I wanted something more with my life so I decided to go train with a BNT in NJ. I had never really ridden anything other than the pony and Gypsy Vanners so I was surprised when they gave me some stupid warmbloods and thoroughbreds to ride. I mean, who rides something under 19h??? Anyway I made due and slept with the BNT, his tripods, judges, grooms, clients…oh I’ve lost track.
I made a lot of friends at the barn but when I got pregnant I couldn’t handle the drama anymore so I black mailed the BNT and took his credit card number. At the great advice of my friends on COTH I moved to Antarctica and you know the story from there.
Who knows where life will go next?
So what are everyone else’s stories??
Well, when you get that new horse we’ll all be more than happy to help you pick out a show name. And a barn name.
First thing first - We’ll have to figure out who’s’going to be on which team. And it’s very important that we NAME the teams.
Once that is in place we can work on the prom and the prom committe. We’ll need riders/horse nominated for prom queen and king.
Any suggestions?
no no no PMU…you get the dressage judges that you slept with to either sleep with, or blackmail the hunter judges…
<span class=“ev_code_BLUE”>OK, time out…serious for this post, seriously.</span> I think I’m in trouble…I just read some of the other topics on the Off Course Forum and I couldn’t determine if they were just spin-offs of this thread of if the posters were really serious. I think I’m ruined from taking anything seriously on this board ever again, or am I truly in HELL and everthing posted is a joke? Maybe I need a vacation.
<span class=“ev_code_BLUE”>OK, time’s up…back to our thread.</span>
Liz, just hook him up-then take him in a parade”"it is kinda like training him and sacking him out at the same time.
I must appologize for being gone so long but I have a good reason! During the prom I was having so much fun dancing with the tripods my BNT and I got into a big fight and it caused me to go into labor (remember my love child?). Well I freaked out that people at the barn would gossip about this so I high tailed it to Antarctica so that the penguins could help me give birth.
I have found it very isolated up here and pretty cold, but the only drama is between the penguins so I’m soo much happier! I just keep chugging the smegma coolers (moose smegma is strong!) and I seem to stay in a happy haze.
So I named my baby Penelopony, isn’t that so cute? Turns out the father wasn’t my BNT but a tripod so she is a little deformed but hey, her deformities just make her lean forward better so she will be ready to canter around all day in 2-point.
The baby is now a week old and I was thrilled to find out about the Hunter show!!! I’ve been giving her lots of BOSS and Flax Cookies to get her ready. I threw her up on my 22h horse/moose (not too much in the way of horses up here) and we are going to do lead line with the baby jumps (6’ right?). Since she was born to be a hunter princess we are going to buy her a pony while we are there, does anyone have any ponies they recommend (NOT AN AD!!). She may not be able to walk yet but she is going to ride!!
I have a baby little GPA with pink stripe, tiny little Der Dau’s, TS’s, pale pink shirt, RJ coat with penguin lining. Anything I’m forgetting?
My baby is going to rule the hunter world!
I wouldn’t worry about the choking…just Ace the hell outta horsey and ride like the wind!
must cut mullets - you are special…thats all…
oreo got eaten, but i think his spirit runs around here…
jeez guys…i leave for like 3 hours to go watch my tripod on jerry springer, and come back to only 2 posts since i left. thats just sad! come on! we need to be cooler than the CBER thread…oh wait, we are…nevermind.
yes mcm! way to be in the cult, er clique!
buff, thats a good try, but its 8 pieces of orbit. get it right! stop posting bad info on this thread! jeez…
ps. one of my many tripods seems to have dissapeard with one of my bags of smegma. a fresh one at that. does anyone know what to do? can anyone please tell me the names, locations, and phone numbers of any tripod shelters in the greater united states area please? thanks. oh, and i’m sorry this was so long, i’m just…soo…UPSET! sorry. thanks. sorry again. please don’t flame me! i’m just looking for opinions, though i won’t use them. thanks. and sorry.
You can have the collar off until either the pressure sores heal, or you start losing again - whichever comes first.
Oh yeah, those videos 
mcm - i know i stink. my mom tells me i should do that thing…what is it called? ah, yes…bathing. but i forget.
what do i stink for this time?
i think the spatula will be safe dont want to have another tripod now do we?
Although I am not one of the more frequent posters, I will admit to having NOT played nicely with Ken. It was many years before I discovered he was NOT anatomically correct…
find8 – It’s hopeless. Just turn him into a resque…help feed the hungry!
If I wire you $1,000,000 for your flaxseed cookies can you supply your bank account number and then wire me back the difference in my wire and your price? I am on a different continent but want to participate in your bank account (oops??)
