This is such a toxic relationship going on here. You are PAYING him and you’re being gaslit in to BEGGING him not to end the relationship 
. I hope when you’re out of this situation and get some time and perspective on this you will see, really see not just say you understand (because you won’t, until you get some time and perspective away from him 
) just how destructive, undermining and all designed to ego boost someone else this is. Run, run fast and run far!
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Are you having an affair with this trainer? I can’t actually imagine a situation where a trainer calls a student 2x in one afternoon to discuss something unless it’s an emergency or a change of schedule, in which a text or a message would suffice.
Your “friend” who is a trainer - does he ride at this barn also? Why was he there to begin with? I guess I can see that if it appears you have brought in another trainer, your trainer might have something to say about that - especially as it might involve liability.
And, honestly - why are you pulling the stable hand into this drama? What exactly are they going to “back you up” on, anyway?
This whole thing sounds like 8th grade. Are these “trainers” actual adult professionals?
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Yeah, he’s done this before and called me to tell me that if I want to ride with someone else and see if they can handle me I should just go with them. And yes, my friend rides and trains there and he’s really nice, my trainer knows him and he has always ridden there at the barn. He was training one of his students and he caught sight of me, asked me if I was ok after Sunday, and said if I needed anything I could ask him.
I didn’t pull him into the drama 
at my barn everyone is 100% aware of everyone’s business and knowing my trainer he’s probably going off on whoever will listen to him about how I’m ungrateful, rude, etc and since he’s a big deal at my barn I can just imagine what’s about to happen 
Oh well, I’ll just see what happens today.
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LOL like all the vets in the world don’t have these skills already and have figured it out? Reed is right. It’s mega hard to ride seriously and be a vet, and when you do it’ll be 20 years from now after you’ve paid your dues.
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Oh I know I know I’m just talking about my own experience and from what I’ve seen from my acquaintances who are horse vets and ride as well and most are riding pretty high fences or they have a young horse in training.
what does that have to do with anything?
I can whip- my mare out and jump 4’ right now, doesn’t mean I have any talent.
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First, calm down, we were talking about level/fence height when I first commented about vets because someone explained to me their friend was a vet but could only do low fences due to time and that it can be a hard lifestyle to manage time-wise and I replied back.
These vets I know ride amazing, their horses always seem calm and collected, they get to the fence at a nice pace and distances almost 100% of the time, and they treat them with respect. One of them even jumps bareback/brideless from time to time with her 1.50m classic horse she trained herself.
Edit: Corrected it because I didn’t read properly.
I believe the word whip was used as in pull her out of the stall not as in beat.
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So sorry you are experiencing this. You need to seriously find another trainer and possibly barn if you dread going back there. I would have told this trainer to bleep off if he said I am tired of you. Not sure what area you are in but there are trainers out there who are supportive. Like some said maybe re-evalutate what you want to accomplish.
Take some time off from lessons. Just go have fun with your mare she sound great. Trail ride or go do some low level cross country jumps.
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Call me a big old meanie, but this thread reads like a YA fiction series about horse loving teenagers.
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100% honest, yeah. The more I re-read it the more I’m seeing how easily manipulated I was and how bad of a situation I was in and I just ALLOWED it. I’m glad I did post on here because I would probably still be with my ex trainer so I really thank everyone for their advice.
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Toxic toxic toxic environment. You need to decide if you want to live your life in this degradation move on and learn what it is to advocate for yourself in an adult world
Just noticed that you are calling him “ex-trainer” , that is a step in the right direction
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I’m a little confused, he was still your trainer as of 24 hours ago?
How old are you? Are your parents aware of the way he speaks to you? You need to find a new barn and a new trainer. It sounds like the facility you are at allows multiple trainers but you might have to move barns to find a better situation.
If even half of this is true I don’t understand why you’re still at that barn.
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You’re a big old meanie.
Takes one to know one, but I agree, I have a real feeling of under bridge dweller here.
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Agreed - how could it be possible to fire/change trainers already? Maybe we are missing something.
I literally said “what does that have to do with anything?”
Sorry that’s too aggressive for you. Maybe tell your jerk trainer to calm down instead.
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Is this the guy that hugged you and you held onto him sobbing? He’s a trainer? Red flags. All over.
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Ok, time to clear up some things and give a final update since I’ve made up my mind to do as you guys said and leave him (and maybe consider leaving my barn in the future).
So no, I do not live with my parents, due to personal reasons I live with my aunt. I’m a teenager as many have guessed, I turned 16 three weeks ago.
No, I haven’t changed trainers yet officially (as in had a talk down with him, haven’t seen him ever since Sunday’s fiasco and I tried calling him back qhen he called me but it went straight to voicemail) but I’ve decided to do it once I go to the barn and see him or if I get another call from him I’ll talk to him seriously.
The guy that hugged me while I cried is a close friend/trainer who doesn’t train me but is always around the barn since he has a lot of students. He’s sort of my go to whenever I’ve had issues with my trainer in the past. He offered to help me out if I need anything while I look for a new trainer.
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Have you ever left a barn or program before? If so, I highly recommend exploring threads that go over tips for giving notice and moving to a new barn/program if that’s what you decide to do. A small piece of advice, just in case, I always recommend an amicable departure. It can be something as short as simple as “i appreciate everything you have done for my riding, but I need to make a change and need to give my 30 days notice effective zzz.” Don’t burn bridges. Trainers TALK!
I appreciate all the hard work you are doing in handling the situation but as a minor, you need to have a parent or guardian involved in these conversations. From what you shared, I have significant concerns about boundaries with your trainer and trainer friend. Honestly, I am concerned about grooming . If you decide to make any change in your program this needs to be done by an adult. As a minor, no matter how mature you are or how knowledgeable you may be, your parents and guardians need to be involved and leading these conversations, as well as leading any conversations you have about any concerns etc. Please, please get adults involved.
Edit: missing word
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I was hopping in here to say something similar.
This kind of training board program has to be costing upwards of $1100 a month anywhere in North America, and this kind of horse, a packer over a meter for an intermediate junior, is $50,000 plus. Prices might be lower in actual dollars in a developing country but are going to be even higher in relation to average income.
OP is not funding this by working minimum wage after school in a vet clinic. Also a minor can’t be the legal owner of a horse or sign a boarding contract.
So OP cannot move barns without involving their guardians, whether this is an aunt or parents. OP needs to talk to the responsible adults in their life now. I agree, if the conversations with the trainer are accurately recounted here, the situation is abusive, creepy, and may involve some predatory grooming gone sour.
I also recognize that when we get one-sided stories on COTH, the details are not always 100 per cent accurate.
I’m also curious about the back story. Has OP always been at this barn riding lesson pony? If so, did trainer source the jumper mare for OP? Did things only go downhill over the 3 months OP has had jumper mare? Or was all the theatrics and pleading connected to pony? Or did OP just start with this trainer or barn after acquiring the mare?
Some details here don’t quite line up for me.
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