I wish I hadn’t felt it, truly. For a long time, going up the levels and pursuing my medals was a driving motivator for me. It was one of those “lifetime” goals that I wanted to achieve. I am young enough that it could still, theoretically, be something I could manage, if I bought the right horse, got lucky enough it stayed sound, got lucky enough it wanted to play the game, etc. etc. etc.
At the end of the day, I will likely never have the budget to drop $50k+ or really even $25k+ on a horse, so if I want a WB I will likely have to buy as a foal for prices that I still find eye-watering considering the level of risk. Then it’s a gamble of whether it survives in one piece to the age of four, then whether it is rideable, and whether I like riding it, and whether it wants to do the dressage game. Then it’s a matter of keeping it sound and myself intact and managing to progress up the levels in a reasonable timeline–and I’m not likely to ever want to keep a horse in a program, I like to do the riding myself, plus I don’t know if $2k+ per month on training board will ever be in the cards.
This is all assuming prices don’t skyrocket further, hay prices don’t climb even further, boarding barns that don’t require full training are still available, and/or that I ever have a chance to buy a piece of property (not holding my breath but still keeping the delusion alive for now).
And that’s without factoring in my general dislike of warmblood temperament and demeanor. I am a TB and Arab person to the core. I love the ride, the brain, the inquisitiveness, the versatility. I don’t want a horse that only really enjoys being in a sandbox. I want to train dressage, but a lot of the schooling I do is on the trail. I love horse camping, and riding in the back country, and occasionally popping over fences. I enjoy the hell out of obstacle playdays. Sometimes even working a cow. I have done, and LOVED, these activities with my TBs. Some took to different aspects more than others but all have been game as f*** and I’d trust them with my life on the trail. The warmbloods I’ve known, well…I won’t go on any trails that require me to have some faith in the horse to make good choices and keep us safe. Not that I’m sure there aren’t WBs who would make excellent trail horses–I just haven’t met them, and I have a hard time swallowing the purchase price and risk of a dressage-bred baby to find out if the one I have wants to play my type of ball.
I don’t care enough about my medals to try and buy and sell horses until I find the right fit. I don’t want to lease horses just to get them done. The horses are my partners and my passion separate from my enjoyment of sport. As I mentioned before, I don’t need to win. It’s nice to feel like I have a chance, but that’s not my why. But after enough experiences in the scribe seat to feel like I would be seen as foolish for even showing up on my cute but by no means fancy TBs, presenting the best we can on that day…why? Why bother?
I continue to grapple with this. It breaks my heart. It’s gutted one of my overarching lifetime “horse” goals. But I am also exploring working equitation, and trail trials, and obstacle challenges, and yes, maybe even bridle horse work. There are SO many fascinating aspects to horsemanship and avenues to pursue outside of competitive dressage. But I am still really goddamn sad about walking away from it.