OP, the bottom line is that there are thousands of people all over the country who are enjoying horses on far less than a six-figure income. So you need to honestly evaluate your priorities and then structure your life to meet those priorities. That may mean changing your job, changing your partner, changing your location, changing your goals with horses. But if the structure of your life right now isn’t working, you have to change something. Good luck.
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They don’t. At least not within the specific parameters you are operating with.
I do sympathize on the 6 figure income thing, though.
This is from a Business Insider article:
My sister and I have talked about this. For about the last half of my career, my annual income was considerably higher than my Dad’s peak in his working life, but I certainly couldn’t replicate for my family the lifestyle we enjoyed when I was growing up.
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A six figure salary is plenty to have a horse and compete on a mid-level, a couple big shows a year. Loads of people do it in North Virginia/DC that make that or less. Promise they pay sky high rent.
On the hair cut thing, it used to cost me 375.00 every 5 weeks for color, highlights, cut, and whatever the latest fad is. Now I get an all over color and cut for 50% less, no fad stuff and up sells. Adds up quick.
You have to make sure you carry little to no debt and finance nothing. No car payments, low car insurance, no doing the fun trips or restaurants your friends are going out too. Literally nothing. Pay off any credit card at the end of the month if you use it. And find a cheaper place to board, get lessons and do your homework. If you don’t have a cheaper place to board, find a way to cut back the board bill especially if at a training barn.
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I’m early 30s, currently at a more mature remote startup (HR, not as time consuming as product or development) making over that magic six figures and DINK. The only reason I am comfortable living my lifestyle (which is 2 horses at home, one retired, one under saddle, maybe a couple of local shows a year) is because we made very savvy investments which provided substantial capital to allow us to buy the farmette and come in handy for larger projects/purchases. Our debt is fairly high right now (2 new vehicles and a tractor in addition to said farmette), but all 0-3% interest. We have been lagging a bit on 401k savings but as a whole are in good shape.
My expense tolerance for intangibles/experiences surrounding horses (ie showing) is quite low, while I am quite comfortable with more tangible spend (cars/home improvements/tack). I suppose if we were willing to sacrifice on the tangibles I could probably do the show thing fairly seriously, but it’s just not that important to me. Your priorities will dictate how you make it work and what you sacrifice. FWIW, the money never feels like enough 
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I’m certainly not asking for pity! It’s moreso a commentary on how expensive showing has become and how high COL is in urban areas, making competitive hunter sport almost impossible to access, which is too bad.
FWIW, I don’t have a fancy apartment - a nonfancy 2BR in my area still costs $3K/month - drive an aging Honda, save money by trimming my own hair, and haven’t had my nails done in nearly 2 years 
The expenses that I can’t really control include insurance, groceries, utilities, parking, and gas/tolls which are $$$ where I am.
I’m sure there are ways to afford showing on much less income in a less expensive area, and there are many ways to enjoy horses without showing - it’s just crazy how unattainable the sport is to so many people.
To me, the tradeoff of losing my mare by selling her ASAP is not worth it, even if it would set me up for greater financial success in the long run. I can make it work as I am right now, without much showing but still enjoying my time riding, and my #1 priority is going to be increasing my salary in the next 6 months so I can quit the freelance work.
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I get it — I’m early 30s in a pricey area, with a good salary plus a freelance gig. I could just afford training board at a show barn if that was my number one priority, but I have an inexpensive sales project at a small, no-frills barn instead. I went totally solo for six months and am now adding in lessons every other week. I’ve been in the position where I was so stressed about the money I was spending on horses that I couldn’t ENJOY horses, and realized I’m a lot happier keeping the horse situation on the cheap and cheerful side of things.
I will add that when I was in my mid twenties and starting to make what felt like grown-up money and riding at a nice barn outside NYC, I met women 5 or 10 years older than me with fancy horses and good jobs and I was like, great, I guess I will be able to do that pretty soon! Eventually I figured out that veryyyy few of them were covering horse expenses solely on their salary. Some of them did, usually those who were a bit older and father along in their careers. But lots of people had parents chipping in, a very high-earning spouse, a mysterious benefactor, etc.
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This. Knowing my own parents never crossed, or really even came near to the 6 figure mark their entire career, I had this wild delusion that making it past $100K would mean no more financial stress and plenty leftover for a horse. LOL. The joys of inflation, I guess?
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This is little bit of a tangent but worth mentioning. You will meet people along the way who say they pay for their horses themselves. Of course some do. But never forget that everyone’s financial situations are complex. It’s not as easy as “I afford my horses making $X a year so you should be able to as well!” Well, some people have an SO paying most of the bills at home, family money that will take care of their retirement or no student loans. Then there’s the flip side where people have two mortgages, five figures of credit card debt and no retirement accounts.
You focus on you. Just because it would be affordable if you moved to the suburbs or Australia or evented instead or because someone here makes half of what you do and found a way to show doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong.
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Another sympathy post here. When I graduated a US grad school and had my first job in NYC, starting in our industry was $125,000. My DH (then my BF) had the same salary. Many friends were also in NYC with us, many also as couples both earning that same salary. I remember one friend saying, “I didn’t think we’d be rich in NYC with this salary but, when can I stop shopping at IKEA?” 
It was funny b/c it was true. It’s such an expensive place to live. DH had some whacking great student loans; mine were modest. Our rent was ~$3K (Hell’s Kitchen, 2 bed/2bath). No car, no horses. I gave them up for grad school in the US. I did have a friend who managed to ride from her job in San Francisco, but it was a real struggle with the commute. She kept on for 4 years or so and then took a break again.
I’m still not back to much riding yet, but I did save enough to buy a house and my dream farm, both for cash. So I traded riding in my younger years for a more gentle vision of riding in my dotage. 
But, I didn’t have a horse at the time and I can see having your mare is a very strong incentive to keep going. I think that’s great. You got tons of good advice here and I’m sure you’ll assess and make the best decision for yourself.
Just chiming in to say, I hear you and you’re not crazy. Even with two 6-figure salaries, it wasn’t doable for us as new grads in NYC with jobs that didn’t even pretend you were working 40 hrs/wk. We worked minimum 50-60, most weekends, there were partners who even cancelled people’s holidays and the firm had to reimburse them all expenses. It’s a mad thing, like I’m sure start ups are, that many folks don’t get if they haven’t experienced. It’s dumb, don’t get me wrong. But it is what it is.
Best of luck to you!!
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This is such a great point - it’s easy to get swept up in the excitement of a fast-paced company that’s seeing a lot of success, and forget that that success should be translating into compensation for those most involved in making it all happen. I’ve never been a great negotiator but it’s probably about time I start practicing! I work in marketing, which means I can usually see a fairly accurate dollar value of my daily contributions, so that helps a bit.
If only I could expense “horse board” under our “mental health & wellness” stipend lol
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There is a lot of variation in “6 figure income”. Like 115k ain’t the same as 500k.
That being said, I’ll give you the flip side. I do NOT live in a high COL area. I don’t live in Nowhereville, USA either though. I make a middling salary to go with the middling COL area. Rated horse shows on the regular would be totally out of my budget.
For reference, partial training board (2 rides/lessons per week) at a nice barn in a convenient location that is going to A shows on the regular would run about $1000 - $1200 here (if, big if, you can get a stall). Shoes, supps, vet and bodywork would of course be extra. Could be cheaper if barn in a less convenient location. No real price difference between HJ and other disciplines as far as training board (though HJ shows are more expensive even the schooling shows).
DINK, and together we earn the lowest of 6 figures. Mr LS pays our mortgage. We drive paid for cars that Mr. LS keeps road worthy. We bought a wee farmette (well a house and a bit of acreage that I built horse facilities on) and I keep my two horses at home. I still can’t justify multiple thousand dollar horse show weeks right now. I feel blessed to be able to afford the hay bill! I suppose if I wanted to reduce my retirement contributions (hell no) or work a side gig I could fund a horse show hobby (or a new car or whatever) that way. Mr LS and I prioritize time together (why he’s paying the mortgage on a farm instead of me continuing to board) so working another job is out for me. Bar disaster, I imagine once I recover from the financial bleed of building the farm up there will be more room in the budget for horse shows.
All of that to say, living in a lower COL area isn’t the magic ticket just like a 6 figure income isn’t it either. And that it is about choices and priorities. And that it won’t be this way forever.
Other posters have made some nice suggestions about reducing other lifestyle costs and the idea of half leasing your horse. I’ll say this about hair cuts, nails, clothes what have you; depends on your industry. I work for a conservative financial institution. It was a big to do when they decided to relax the dress code so that women didn’t have to wear pantyhose. It’s expected to maintain a certain amount of polish. It’s expected to make appearances at after work drinks/dinner sometimes. Cutting costs there might not be ideal for career growth. Now if you work in a more casual industry that might not apply but thought I’d throw that out there. I’m not trying to skimp on my “look” and “network” and risk getting edged out of a promotion bc another qualified candidate invested in clothes and happy hour.
My best advice is focus on the positive. Keep the good things front and center in your mind so that you can enjoy what you have now while you work towards something better.
Best wishes!
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Ha, my company does in fact allow me to use my quarterly wellness stipend towards lessons 
It’s not a huge stipend, but every little bit makes a difference!
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There have been many references to NYC, my son lived there, his starting income was mid six figure (on the lower side) but after about ten years he moved out of the city buying a farm in PA which he was able to pay in short time (the place he bought cost less than a year’s rent on his Manhattan office and apartment in Chinatown)
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As someone who is a poor person without a horse but has a reasonably fancy-pants degree, I will comment that the “answer” is that even if someone doesn’t come from Gates-level money, the person who can afford to show rated hunters is not using her salary to pay for her everyday expenses. She might not have infinite sums, but she likely has enough investment income to support a mortgage and other monthly expenses (if she has a mortgage, and didn’t just buy a house outright), a spouse making six figures, and her six figure income is gravy. Her parents probably paid for her college and perhaps he grad school education.
We’ve talked about this elsewhere on the forums, but mid-level show barns are increasingly rare, or even just barns where people ride and go to occasional shows. Boarding is a loss for most facilities.
Yes, there are cheaper barns where you can theoretically exchange labor for board and training. But again, on this forum, we’ve seen that not only is this a time investment most professional ammies don’t have, but these arrangements often go quickly sour.
One reason I didn’t urge the OP to find a cheaper place stat is because I know so many people who go through this process:
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Middle-aged re-rider not making close to six figures returns to riding. Still has prices from the 90s in her mind, so finds facility priced along those lines.
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Happy just to ride at first. Then finds lesson horses lacking, buys own horse. Board is relatively cheap. Thinks she has a great solution! Gets a little smug about what a great deal she has, and thinks how all the talk of people who are spending so much on their horses is silly.
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Spends more time at barn, gets more savvy. Starts to notice things that are “off” she didn’t when just taking lessons. Personal horse isn’t doing well. Re-rider becomes worried. Shells out money in vet bills, farrier bills. Eventually realizes that care is substandard–bad hay, feeding schedule, bad footing, arena isn’t dragged or cared for. Tensions escalate as she complains to person running barn on a shoestring.
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Crisis at work or in personal life. Has to be away from barn for a few weeks. Comes back, and horse is really, really not doing well. Barn owner says, “what do you expect, you’re never here!” Owner prioritizes care of horses with boarders who come everyday and help her with chores.
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Re-rider moves horse. Gets major sticker shock to a facility with market price board, hay, grain, and level of adequate care.
I realize people who have their own farms often have a different experience–but obviously, they put in major sweat equity to make that happen.
The thing that surprises me most about this thread is the $375 haircut. I spend $3.29 (no joke) on a box of hair dye every 4 weeks for my roots, and my hair is thick and curly and really doesn’t need cutting, it grows so slowly.
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@canterplease this is an interesting thread if you’ve not seen it; have you looked at your expenses as a percentage of what you bring in? That can be telling. https://forum.chronofhorse.com/t/perhaps-tmi-but-hobby-as-of-income
I would echo a lot of the advice that has been given here; particularly that your life today isn’t what it will be in 10 years. I am now 38, make just shy of 6 figures, dont live in a HCOL area, bought my first horse as an adult in 2020, have zero debt other than a shared house payment, max out my 401K, max out my HSA, have a solid savings, invest in the stock market, can afford hair extensions (my only frivilous personal expense) and should be able to retire a little early and maintain current lifestyle. My SO and I have financial parity so we split all shared expenses 50/50. DINK as well, and both want to retire early. Between that and my horse habit, we don’t live high of the hog. We just bought a new house that was less than $200k; 1500 sq ft townhouse built a year ago. We both are driving vehicles pushing 10 years old, we save dining/takeout for mostly special occasions which saves us a ton, we don’t drink much which also saves a lot, and we generally live pretty low key. We do like to travel but that’s been in large part put on hold with covid. All in all on the low end, my horse expenses are 8.5% of my income (my own not shared) and 13% on the higher end. I burnt myself out showing when I was younger so the higher end is mostly reflective on the amount I spend on lessons (riding/driving).
At 28…yeesh. Had just gotten married to a man-child. Turns out one that didn’t contribute financially and had zero financial accumen, had oodles of student loan debt that he chose to ignore and ultimately led him to make below a certain income so he wouldn’t be chased by debt collectors, I made a lot less money at the time, had very little savings, struggled to put what my company would match into my 401K, no credit card/student loan debt but carried a mortgage and two car payments on my own, no horse but was able to ride nice ones for free post college, and probably would have had to work much longer than I would ever want to because there wasn’t much left to put into retirement.
The best decision I ever made in my life was to get divorced (and he made it easy), I was 34 at the time. The 4 years since then, have been such a relief. This is my personal experience and not intended to imply anything at all with your SO. It’s more of a point that one decision can make a world of difference with quality of life. With that said, if you burn too hot for too long, it can easily get harder to come back from.
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Same, friend, same.
It’s easy to think you’re super comfortable, until you see everyone wearing $400 Samshield breeches and realize they have multiple pairs and that everyone has not only Tucci customs, but also their paddock boots and half chaps. Don’t get me started on the tack.
I can keep up, but not at the level of having the credit card easily rack up thousands of dollars of riding pants. SIGH.
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If you actually read canterplease’s post previous to the one you quoted, you would see that she still struggles financially despite driving an old car, cutting her own hair, and not getting her nails done while earning a six figure salary:
“I had this wild delusion that making it past $100K would mean no more financial stress and plenty leftover for a horse. LOL. The joys of inflation, I guess?”
So canterplease is actually yet another example of why SuzieQNutter’s ways of life don’t really help here.
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I am either reading that post wrong, or you are. Because I read that post to say that you and QNutter are off base here.
The OP is saying they are already saving around every corner and it is still just not happening.
Something I understood back when I tried to show. I always packed my lunch, I never ate out or went to the movies, I did not pay for cable or internet at home, I drove a very old vehicle, I most certainly did not get my hair or nails done, etc.
For the record, I am in a totally different financial situation (much lower) than the OP, and even I am sympathetic to their problem.
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I’m glad that you feel lucky, because you are. “Where there’s a will there’s a way” may apply universally with the added “where there’s enough money,” but for many many many of us there is plenty of will but no way.
Please stay aware of how privileged (in a $$$ way) you are, living on the upper crust of the deep dish American pie.
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