Welcome to the real world.
Who said “Prosperity is just around the corner”? Do you know? Because I’d like them to come develop my world.
Where is ANYONE getting any hint that the OP is unaware that she is “privileged?”
What’s the phrase, ‘be kinder than necessary, everyone is going through something?’
Some of you sound like ‘privileged people’ have no right to wonder how to make their own dreams work out, how to save enough, how to contribute to charities or other good causes in a meaningful way, how to care for our parents and our own well being, how to balance it all out in a way that works for them.
Why? Why can’t ‘people of means’ also have headaches and worries?
Unless you are somehow posting from a cardboard box in Delhi or the Wind River Reservation or walking your way to our southern border…ding ding ding… YOU are privileged as well.
Of course she knows she’s well off and fortunate. She’s also just thinking out loud about what’s important and what’s next. That’s OK!
I drove by the local laundromat yesterday. Gorgeous day out, and my heart hurt for those spending a pretty day washing clothes in a loud, grubby public sort of space like that. I HATED doing laundry in a laundromat in college and afterward- it just made me feel super anxious and weird. So I’m fundamentally aware that having my own house and my own washer and dryer is a massive luxury. Simultaneously I’m leery about my husband’s retirement (he’s sick of running a business after 30 years and doing the same kind of work for 40), He’s worried about how he’ll think about himself and what he’ll do with his days. Are we ‘permitted’ these thoughts?
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Unattainable it certainly is.
How old are you?
Old enough to remember back when hunters actually hunted, and showed in the off-season?
What is called “THE hunters” now is a joke to some people old enough to remember the REAL hunters.
Oh, there are still some. Quite a few right here on COTH, as a matter of fact.
But those people who pay $$$ for a horse that wouldn’t last a day out on an actual hunt are, IMO, missing the real joy of “hunters.”
If all that matters is counting strides and finding a spot and having an animal who only ever jumps one height in an arena, then yeah, waste your money.
Otherwise give up the fancy breeches and fancy horse and get out into the open and RIDE.
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Your barn mates enjoy you and spending time with you. That’s a nice mental hug right there. Perhaps you’ll find it’s also fun to just go and help? I quit showing a few years ago but I love scribing dressage tests, I’m such a nerd. I get to see my friends and have the experience of being there and having a big time, without the muss and fuss. IF you find the ideal lease match for your mare then you get to enjoy watching her do well under another rider- that’s fun, too.
Best wishes to you.
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I dunno, think we generally assume those who share they fully support their horses on their own are providing all the details. IME, they often skip over some details. Which is fine, really nobody’s business. Just beware envying what you assume they are doing.
Keeping horses and/or living on family owned property is often a detail left out. Most didn’t start out as young, self supporting career professionals in urban areas with housing, horse keeping and training/showing costs all coming solely out of their salaries. A good many are carrying over from their Junior career, not starting from scratch. Some keep the horses in an LLC and on the books fully support them but live with a spouse/partner contributing to living expenses.
Looking back on my own history, always had some kind of outside help, far more modest then some of these. Maybe sharing housing, small inheritance or annuity, stuff like that. Never did come solely out of my income.
IIRC, SQ has shared she lives on a family ranch. Even if modest, thats a huge advantage. Hard to imagine if you have never had to fund self and horse living expenses with no direct or indirect family help
For OP, you are now at a point where many relationships fail. BTDT. Had DH who walked out suddenly after some financial rearrangements. Had to fire sale horse and equipment and step back from horses for nearly 8 years. Dont think it cant happen to you.
One other thought, beware of “windfalling”. Thats spending, often by acquiring debt, in anticipation of receiving additional funds like a bonus, tax refund, settlement, raise or such. Watched many people get in way over their heads doing that. Like overspending now on a CC planning to sell your horse for $$$$$ next fall and horse blows a double suspensory Labor Day weekend. Watched that scenario play out a few times with people I thought were very well off.
Perhaps stepping back now and tending to career and relationship building might save you some grief over the next few years. At least think about it.
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A few years ago there was a thread about ‘how long is your commute?’ An acquaintance posted that her DH commuted two hours each way to work. That was true. What she failed to mention was that he did that every Monday AM, stayed with his parents all week, then drove home each Friday evening. 
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Perfect example. Are they still together?
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Yep, they are. Every marriage is unique, no one way to do this thing 
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This is the best way I’ve seen what I was thinking posted. Totally agree. I would imagine 99% of the posters here make sacrifices on the daily to prioritize what is important to them.
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I didn’t think there could be less helpful replies in this thread than previously posted, but then I read this one.
How on earth, does this in any way address the OP’s legitimate questions? How would someone who lives in a major urban area and travels 45 minutes to a surburban show barn “get out in the open and RIDE?” Assuming that’s what she wants? Really, that’s just as condescending and silly as the suggestion she switch to jumpers and eventing.
FACT: unless you are the mega-rich, a trust fund baby whose income and lifestyle are guaranteed and ensured (lots of people in the show hunter world are in this category, btw), we ALL make decisions about the priorities in our life and how to afford what we want while paying for what we need. We all make compromises to afford horses in our lives. The size of the base salary, the discipline and the area of the country are details that don’t change the basic necessity of ordering your priorities.
The OP’s dilemma is a common one. Who among hasn’t reached a certain stage in life and thought “I thought it be easier once I made ______; I thought I’d have enough money for __________?”
Some of you are hung up on the six figure salary and the show hunter barn and forgotten we’re all of us trying to get from paycheck to paycheck, regardless of the size of the check.
It’s not about the size of the check or the size of the board bill. It’s about your priorities.
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I haven’t read all the responses, but I’ll add my 2 cents anyway.
I know many have suggested a half lease. If you’re happy with your training barn - a half lease could be set up so the leaser is very supervised to hopefully avoid the worst of the potential bad habits.
This may not be the most popular opinion, but the beauty of horse riding/showing is that it is something that we can do for many, many years, even after a long break. So you can’t show as you’d like right now - it’ll still be there 10 years down the road. I know you said that your riding/mare is your sanity right now, but it is really? The time and financial strain may not be the sanity that you think that it is. I gave up my horse when we had a financial setback and then opened our own company. I expected to resent having to do this, but I’ve found other outlets that cause me less time and financial stress to provide me with sanity time right now. Like I never had time to go to the gym or yoga. I never had time to meet with friends for dinner, like, ever. Someday I’ll get to ride & show again, but for now…
The downfall to horses is that you can’t just put your super nice show horse in the closet for a couple years and have it cost nothing. Their expenses continue to a point every month, regardless. And they get older and need long term tune-up if they sit for a long period of time. They have a finite usable life. My SO has a race car - that thing can sit in a trailer for years and only need new fluids, belts, and tires when he’s got the time and money to take it out and it is exactly the same car it was when he put it on blocks.
I know this suggestion says consider selling your horse - and that might not be the right option for you, but your early professional career and money saved can make long term differences in how you can live your life 10/20/30 years down the road, when your body will likely still allow you to ride & show as much as you would like. It’s just another perspective that may or may not work for you or someone else. YMMV.
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If you’re in tech especially, but really in all sectors, it’s a seller’s market for labor right now. If you’re tech and willing and able to work remote, you have a lot of options.
If your startup is a passion project, then it’s fine to prioritize it over your horse. If it’s not, consider if it’s really your best play. Maybe you’re in on the ground floor for a future big payday. But … just know that for every thousand people who think that’s their situation, there’s probably only a handful who will end up with more than their wages out of it.
Ask yourself if the understaffing really is temporary. It may be. But sometimes understaffing isn’t, and/or if it’s a workplace that doesn’t value its people, it may be chronic.
If horses are what’s important to you, finding a job that pays enough with good benefits that will also give you flexibility and time to ride may be a better deal than the maximum absolute dollars.
I remember looking at a job offer once and the recruiter thought they were making an amazing offer at $10k over the other position, but divided across 250 or so commute days that didn’t really compensate me for my extra time and expense to get to them compared to the other job. They were offended but math is math, and that was probably a dodged bullet if they didn’t value and respect my ability to do that analysis (whether or not it turned out in their favor).
Good luck!
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Also: think about what you love about riding. It may not even be what you think it is.
Is it going to shows? Is it just being with the soft muzzles? Is it being with your barn friends? Is it the satisfaction of jumping a course? Working on skills?
Even if it is showing, is it the prizes or is it the chance to go someplace fun with a horse and friends and enjoy a nice facility?
It may be all of these things, or maybe only a few. As people have noted, you have much time ahead of you. Burning the candle at both ends now is probably not the path to happiness or sanity, even if there is a nice horse in the middle that you have no time to really enjoy.
I ended up bringing my horse home, which I don’t regret, but until I did I didn’t realize how much about my joy at the barn was being around my horse friends.
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I am old enough to know all about what the hunters used to be—not firsthand, but my mom grew up riding that way. She didn’t come from money, she lived in an area with loads of farms and worked at barns in exchange for lessons. She eventually saved enough money to buy her own pony, who she foxhunted and showed locally in the hunters (places like Ox Ridge in CT) which involved real logs on grass fields. She was lucky enough to sneak into a few clinics with Rodney Jenkins & George Morris (this was back in the 60s) and even qualified that pony for Madison Square Garden.
So, I know exactly what it’s like to “get out in the open and RIDE” - and I’m all for it. I try to hunter pace once or twice a year if I can find someone who will let me borrow their safe horse. I also sustained a pretty gnarly injury during an XC fall back when I was in high school, and have some spinal cord damage to thank for it, so I keep the risky stuff to a minimum these days. The hunters might seem trivial, but to me, there’s no better feeling than laying down that perfect, smooth trip where the whole thing looks effortless and you were able to set your horse up to produce a beautiful jump. Derbies are my favorite, though.
I just want to clarify for all here who might get the “hunter princess” impression that that is very far from my reality. I did not come from any money but instead worked my way up in the sport thanks to lots of teaching from my own mom, endless hours at the barn cleaning stalls in exchange for lessons, learning to braid at age 13 and hitching rides to horse shows whenever I could in order to groom and help out. I was lucky enough to be in proximity of a very good “A show” barn with a trainer who tried hard to provide opportunities to kids who were hard workers but didn’t have a ton of cash. At the same time, we had a rescue TB at home in our backyard who I took care of with my mom and who taught me a lot about how not to fall off (lol).
Gradually, that led to me being able to catch ride horses here and there, or ride the trainer’s green 4-yo in the baby greens, or just have the chance to ride in the warmup ring on one of the well-off student’s 2nd or 3rd horses. I continued catch-riding, taking lessons, and finding “free leases” on very inexperienced horses, for the most part, all through college and when I first moved to where I currently live. I’ll never discount those “freebie” rides, but I was dying to have a consistent horse to learn & progress my own skills that would allow me to get back to jumping the 3’6+.
I worked my butt off to get to where I am today, and I’m really proud of the horsemanship skills I’ve developed along the way. Right out of college, my plan was to start grooming full-time and make horses my career. I did a full two seasons grooming at WEF and up the East Coast A circuit until my body broke down (spinal cord & back issues came back to haunt me - manual labor no longer in the cards). So I pivoted, got an entry-level job in a city, and have spent the last 7 years fighting tooth and nail to make a salary that would allow me to afford my own horse.
I am entirely aware of my privilege, and not a day goes by where I’m not grateful to be able to show up to the barn and do the thing I love the most. But I’m also aware that there are many others who have been fortunate enough to compete their entire life without cleaning a single stall. And still others who would love to ride a horse, but who will never have the means or access to take a single lesson.
It’s not fair, and it probably never will be—but for the sake of the sport, I hope that our industry’s leaders find creative ways to make competition more accessible.
The older I get, the more disheartening it is to see young kids whose parents can only afford to pay for one or two lessons a month. These kids show up every day and work like crazy because they dream of one day riding the Grand Prixs. They’re hauling icy buckets of water and picking paddocks and dumping wheelbarrows almost bigger than they are. They take lessons on the horses that spook and spin and are never quite predictable, but they show up day after day, much like I did. It’s tough knowing just how lucky they’d have to get to make their Grand Prix dreams happen IRL.
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There was a particular response to the idea of cutting ones own hair to afford horses, when the OP is doing exactly that.
The condescension towards @SuzieQNutter’s posts was in general that her examples of economizing to afford horses were not helpful, when OP later described doing some of those same things.
There was a mean girl feel to the responses that IMO was uncalled for. I don’t see this in other threads asking for input, even though some posters’ suggestions may be unhelpful.
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And you are missing the real joy that the OP finds in her segment of the sport in your quest to make some massive sweeping assumptions and denigrate an entire discipline’s worth of horse people.
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Never feel that you have to justify yourself to the COTH “if you don’t own your own farm and do it all yourself you’re not worthy” posters. There’s no changing their minds.
I never got the hunter princess vibe from any of your posts - I got a legit “is there a way I’m just not seeing that I can make this easier, somehow?” and you didn’t immediately respond to all the suggestions with why none of it would work (other than to outline why moving to a lower COL area is not currently an option) llke we see here so often.
You’ll figure out what works for you, your SO, and your current situation and even if isn’t what some others on here would do - it doesn’t make it less viable or justified.
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There are posters here who have demonstrated a pattern of making tone deaf posts. So, what you may see as an overreaction to one particular post is often, instead, a reaction to the cumulative body of posts from that particular poster.
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The hunter princess misnomer is wrong. I get that that aspect of horse riding is often maligned. I will raise my hand and admit that as a life long rider I ADORE THE HUNTERS. Didn’t come into this pursuit until I was nearly 40. I grew up riding bare back across hill and dale. Love a great hunter pace or a foxhunt. But anyone who says laying down a quiet, even, effortless, relaxed 8 jumps with clean changes isn’t difficult hasn’t tried it. This isn’t to diminish any other faction of horse riding or showing. There is a majesty and a skill in navigating a hunter round that is too often criticized.
Best wishes to you OP. I sincerely hope you find the in between that works for you and your lovely horse.
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Knocking on 30’s door, married and more “settled” in life. In a low COL area. Inherited land and was able to sell it for twice its value. Still scrape and save and re-evaluate supplements and shoes and “extras” annually. Go to a couple of schooling shows and a couple of recognized. Lesson monthly April-December. Keep the horses at home. Look at my friends with their new saddle pads and expensive vet treatments and wonder how they do it. I bet some of them look at our property and wonder how we do it.
I think the secret it there is no magic income that you will feel good about. We’ve been spending almost all disposable income on setting up our property. You spend it on rent and board in a high COL area. It all sucks. 
I look back at what we paid in rent, student loans, and when I boarded. Honestly no idea how we made it work. It truly is temporary. You’ll find better jobs that offer more work/life balance when you are ready. This is my last week full time in the office. I move to a hybrid next week. Then move to 35 hours/week after that. Don’t be afraid to negotiate and ask for more. For me, that more has always been work/life balance, but others prefer money. That’s up to you in the long run.
Sounds like you’re doing your best. As long as you’re not going into debt over your horse, I think you’re doing fine. Just keep an eye out for better opportunities out there when they come.
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