Deleted - decision made thank you everyone

[AnastasiaBeaverhousen]

OP
I get your frustration.
I dont think at this point that this is the trainer for you.

My suggestion is to do some research in your area and find a dressage trainer who starts young horses or an event trainer who can teach BN .

You may be able to take some longe lessons and can work on your position issues on a dependable steady horse so that you concentrate on getting an independent secure seat
This will build your confidence and security.

I do believe it wont take you long to do this.
A few sessions ought to do it.

I think you might even come to enjoy taking a few dressage lessons on your horse . Relaxation is one of the basic building blocks of dressage and I think it would benefit both you and your horse.

I understand that it may be difficult to find a dressage instructor so I also suggest looking into finding an eventing instructor as they teach lower level dressage as well.

And you dont have to buy a dressage saddle either
I ve known plenty of riders who started taking dressage lessons in jumping saddles and did just fine.

I am not suggesting that you take dressage lessons forever. Just until you regain your confidence.

Hope this helps.
Good luck.

[NaturallyHappy]

You’ve probably checked this, but if the leaning is a new thing on this horse, is you saddle sliding back? Sometimes riders will lean to “keep up” if the saddle puts them behind the center of gravity.

[SadieRidingHorses]

@AnastasiaBeaverhousen best handle ever.

[AnastasiaBeaverhousen]

[tikkamasala]

I was having issues learning and similar to you, I think I somehow understood it was a foundational issue. Anyways I trailered out and lessoned multiple times (still do) with a 5* rider who has a great coaching record as well. After coming home and lessoning again with home coach I have a much better understanding of what she is asking. Also I think she finally implicitly understood that I resent being yelled at… Explain to me what you want and I can do it, but yell at me and I shut down/shut people out. It is worth your time to get that second opinion esp if second opinion is super high level.

[trubandloki]

@NaturallyHappy

I can’t quote very well,

@Xbittersweet

I can’t quote either!

Once you know how to use it, quoting is so much easier on this new set-up.
Just highlight the parts of the post you want to quote and you will get quote option above it, click that and the content will show in your reply box.
I would include screen shots but I don’t know how to do that on this tablet. If you go to the below linked thread there are screen shots.

There is a great thread in the technical help section of the forum that covers all kinds of general use questions. It is here:

FAQ -- Tips for Using the Site

Here is a walk-through of many of the Discourse (our new Forums platform) features available, and below is an FAQ with help for specific questions. Also, here’s a YouTube video that provides a walkthrough of some features if you’d like to check that out. General Board FAQs

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Click your avatar in the upper right corner, then click your username. Click logout. [how do l log out]

How do I logout and log back in with a different username?

The forum pulls your user credentials f…

[Scribbler]

I also shut down if I’m being yelled at. I start to spend all my mental bandwidth processing that and trying not to get upset and it doesn’t help my riding.

On the other hand, when any of my coaches have yelled at me, or even just become strident and insistent, they have always been right that I was doing something stupid or wrong and mostly I have been locked into it and not changing from earlier hints. So the information was always correct, the delivery didn’t work so well.

[showy]

Life is too short to be unhappy with something YOU’RE paying for. Move on. Pay someone who will help you work through issues without screaming.

[Redlei44]

If I’m getting yelled at, it has better be because I just about killed an innocent bystander after ignoring a previous non-yelling reminder. I don’t really even tolerate yelling from an instructor when I’ve made a riding mistake that caused a crash through a jump (or whatever). Any instructor that knows me and my learning style knows that I take this riding stuff seriously (too seriously most of the time) and any mistake is just that - a mistake that I would not have made if I could help it. Plus, we’re all adults here.

Which is all to say that I would leave this trainer simply because of the clash in learning/teaching styles. Life is too short and this hobby is too expensive to put up with that (if it doesn’t work for you).

[Faye]

@Redlei44

If I’m getting yelled at, it has better be because I just about killed an innocent bystander after ignoring a previous non-yelling reminder. I don’t really even tolerate yelling from an instructor when I’ve made a riding mistake that caused a crash through a jump (or whatever).

Same, my newish trainer lost her temper a few times, you know that look where they bury their face in their hand and yell. Look, I don’t want to suck, help me out here. Most recently it was some refusal that I SWEAR I’m adding a ton of leg, and try to set him up the best I can. Looking at me disgusted after these stops doesn’t help.

[Against_All_Odds2]

OP I recently moved trainers after a break/re-rider time and I can tell you I have never ridden better in my life. She can just articulate things better for me.

I too only had a baby horse or way older horse budget and we went with the baby horse. New trainers philosophy is to include me in training as much as possible. This means she does a training ride and I hop on after. Sometimes he’s being testy and she may ride for 35-40 mins and I hop on to walk and just work on inside leg to outside hand. Sometimes he’s awesome and she hopes on for 10 minutes and I have a regular 35 min lesson. It has really helped with my confidence issues and my equitation just kind of happened.

I had a lesson on Christmas Eve and my husband videoed my trainer riding and me riding and at first glance I thought they were all of my trainer!

Look: Trainers are like jeans, no way in hell one pair fits all. And shopping for them can really make you humble.

[fair_judy]

Frequently, a raised voice is perceived as “ being yelled at”. Watching the train wreck of a rider whose ability is not matching the level the horse requires is one scary place to be put in. Was the horse chosen in concert with your trainer?

Sounds like the OP is over faced by a horse which has some potential and the trainer may have tried to express concern over a mis-match. Rolling forward in a fear reaction … to this old OTTB trainer… the OP should have leased for a year prior to purchasing or bought the older horse appropriate to their level.

The … I don’t recall having this issue before…

[Xbittersweet]

Trainer and I picked the horse. The I haven’t had the issue before was said as I don’t remember the issue before I stopped riding.

I have been back in the saddle for 2 years. Did do my leasing on a more jumper like horse. Just wasn’t a green horse. Overfaced isn’t the issue.

[Xbittersweet]

Had a long conversation with my trainer. We made our decision. Thank you everyone for your input

[Scribbler]

So OP it’s really really rude to behead your thread after you are done with it. We all put thought and time into responding with the idea that it then stands as a resource. Taking away the question is a slap in the face to everyone else who contributed.

For posterity: returning rider lacking confidence bought a hot young horse. Trainer shouted at her about persistent position problems with tipping forward. OP acknowledged these are real problems but wanted advice on moving to another trainer who wouldn’t shout. Other than the shouting trainer, loves current barn.

Oh fortunately the OP was quoted in a reply early on.

[trubandloki]

@Scribbler

Oh fortunately the OP was quoted in a reply early on.

Thank goodness someone thought to quote.
The OP did not seem like the delete type but clearly they were.

[IPEsq]

@Xbittersweet

Had a long conversation with my trainer. We made our decision. Thank you everyone for your input

Are you moving or did you work it out?

[Xbittersweet]

It didn’t seem rude to me. I didn’t realize that there was an issue with deleting things here. I got a lot of valid opinions that I took into serious consideration. But a lot of people seem to be misinterpreting that I am some beginner rider and my horse is hot which he is not.

We are moving to a small eventing barn for a bit and going from there

[trubandloki]

@Xbittersweet

It didn’t seem rude to me. I didn’t realize that there was an issue with deleting things here.

It is kind of rude on any discussion forum to ask for help, let people spend their time answering you and then delete the question and responses.

And… by deleting you have removed the information (if it was not quoted) so no one else can learn from what was posted.

I am glad you have an answer that will help you and your horse move forward. Hopefully you come back and update with all the great progress at the new barn.

[skydy]

@Xbittersweet

It didn’t seem rude to me. I didn’t realize that there was an issue with deleting things here. I got a lot of valid opinions that I took into serious consideration. But a lot of people seem to be misinterpreting that I am some beginner rider and my horse is hot which he is not.

We are moving to a small eventing barn for a bit and going from there

Deleting your opening post is pointless. When someone has quoted your post, it remains on the thread (I quoted your opening post so it remains here from early on.)

Unless you really want people to look at your thread, don’t “delete” it. People looking at your thread is guaranteed be the result when you “delete”. You are really calling attention to something you apparently hoped would disappear.

You asked a pertinent question and there is no reason for you to be ashamed of that.

Good luck and have fun riding and learning. Don’t let anyone keep you from enjoying your riding education. It’s work and it is serious from a safety standpoint. No matter how old you are you have to be a good student, but, you should not pay someone to teach you if you feel they are abusive .