There is not logic to LK’s thought patterns. For all we know, $50k owed to her could just mean that she’s not satisfied with any of the coaching and board that was paid to MB in the past 12-18 months (or however long it’s been). Ironically, she doesn’t appear to have the financial means to have paid for this herself.
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The thing about dealing with narcissists is that you have to remember that they are, above all, living in a delusion. They have a carefully crafted delusion of grandeur behind which they hide a deep insecurity. Social media is the ideal place to maintain that delusion - you delete what you don’t like, edit and post what you want to convey, remove the naysayers who don’t abide by your rules, and only allow in people who give you the continual supply of affection, adoration, and affirmation that you need.
A true narcissist cannot stand it when you do not conform to their expectations and play along with their fantasy. When you break out of the mold that they craft for you, you will become the object of their wrath. This could happen when you break up with them, date one of their exes (who is already anathema because they dared to break up with the narcissist), date someone else, befriend one of their friends, stop being their friend, ask them to leave your property, end a business relationship, etc. In the narcissist’s world, you exist to play in their fantasy and make them feel good. You are not an individual - you are an object. And you may have no idea what you did to get on their bad side and that is totally expected - their “reality” is invented. You can’t win, only the narcissist wins, and that is the point of their sick game.
So, when you stop playing their games, they will torment you ruthlessly, -because you are not a person to them. You no longer fill their need. The smartest response to a narcissist who is tormenting you is to become boring. Become a gray rock. Give no response. Say nothing. Do nothing. It’s the hardest thing to do, especially under abuse. Eventually, the narcissist becomes bored of beating a rock, and wanders off to find someone else to fill their gaping hole of need.It’s the hardest thing to do because a narcissist demands that you supply them with attention and validation. The kicker is that they can get that attention either by being “nice” or by punishing you.
It’s hard to be a gray rock - MB’s reaction shows us that.
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Is it possible that her money comes from winning lawsuits?
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They don’t want social contracts/friends - they want kibble dispensers.
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Reminds me of the SW/DH situation with Susan Jacoba where SW came up with a ridiculous amount she claimed Jacoba owed her for her amazing social media marketing. SW and LK really are far more similar than either of them would like to admit.
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I thought it came from a lottery win?
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Hypothetical question:
You are a big name, past Olympian Dressage trainer. You are known for turning out competitive clients and well-trained horses. You take in a client, who works hard in the beginning but begins to slack off, not showing up for lessons, complaining about one thing after another, criticizing your team members, etc. The client imports random horses, apparently thinking each new horse will be the golden ticket. You continue training the horses. You take your client to a recognized show and their scores are mediocre at best. The client is disgruntled yet has very high expectations. You have spent two years working with this client and progress is not being made. You have a reputation to uphold. Do you fire the client? Continue taking their money? Is it even a dilemma?
Most of us know you can’t take a training/first level rider and put them on an FEI School Master and expect them to perform well.
(Any resemblance to any person past or present is strictly coincidental.)
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What is the address we lowly peons need to send the cereal boxtops to in order to get the Super Secret Decoder Ring to figure out all the super secret specific reasons and clues?
99.999% of us here do not “dance to sociopathic music”… and most of us can discuss this and be direct without being “nasty”.
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Simply put, I don’t adhere to Grey Rock. I smack down a narc from the get go. When others think its harsh, I’m unmoved by their opinion. Many of them tend to be of the flying monkey persuasion. There. Simple.
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I don’t know that there would be a hard and fast rule. So much would depend on the individual situation. Does BNT have a wait list for full training horses? Does crabby client express their dissatisfaction just at home, or are the public and verbal about their concerns? What happened when BNT and client talked about issues?
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USDF posts medal winners when the scores are received. Looked the other day, they have scores thru end of August, no LK in the Bronze recipient list. - so further verification.
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Where ever “it” came from it is going to go to medical costs …and those five attorneys she has
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This situation plays out over and over again throughout the sport, I think. Look at the Shelly Browning fiasco as another example. A good trainer keeps on training the horses and the client, while being honest and helping the client develop reasonable expectations given the amount of time, money, and effort they are willing to put in.
If the client’s expectations don’t mesh with their performance, at some point they and their trainer will part ways, generally without shots being fired. I don’t know many good trainers whose egos are so big that their concern is a client’s lack of progress reflecting badly on them. The trainers I know tend to be more concerned that their clients aren’t happy and would suggest they find a program / trainer better suited to their goals.
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She will sue MB for her medical expenses for sure.
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I would think it’s the rare trainer who can afford to have 100% excellent students who are currently competing at a high level. Some students are going to come along at a lower level, especially well heeled adults changing disciplines. Others are going to work hard (or not) but make little progress, yet continue to pay their bills. Just like trainers buy green horses and develop them, I’m sure they also see themselves developing the skills of the riders.
I’m sure after a while the trainer gets a fairly realistic sense that Client x is neither talented nor particularly hard working, but if that client continues pleasant and continues to happily pay to fund their hobby, no harm done. The Shelly Brownings, the Laura Kanareks, the SWs indeed, are the outlier situations where the clients has perhaps hit a ceiling, but then things go bad fast for very different reasons.
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Bronze colored coating on top of pot-metal.
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My thoughts exactly. Dressage is a very expensive sport if one shows and takes lessons. If you don’t click, respect and enjoy your instructor, move on. Showing up for lessons is supposed to be a joy and a release rather than a chore. It has to be fun along with the work.
Perhaps in the LK/MB situation, familiarity bred contempt. It seems they were basically around each other every day for almost two years!
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The gorilla in the room is if the client has NPD or perhaps another mental disorder. I found Mersidoats’ analysis of NPD on page 120 very enlightening.
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One of the wrinkles with narcissists is that as long as they are on your side, IE as long as it suits their needs to be identified with you, they can be very supportive and they can spend alot of time bonding with you against the outside world. It’s like you become part of their identity. So while things are going well, the other person might not realize how quickly the NPD person can turn on them. Especially if the two of you bond by dissing other people, or by reinforcing each other’s sense of self.
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