Word to the Wise: Lesson Reminder for Everyone

[McGurk]

I have my own ‘reminder’ in light of this thread -

Two friends of mine in my very small horse network have been involved in ugly disputes in which threads from this message board have been evidence, issues or sticking points. Neither actually went to court, but both involved lawyers, expense and drama.

In both cases, people were posting under alters, supposedly “anonymously”, but put in enough identifying details that it was unquestionably clear who and what they were discussing even though no names were mentioned.

Only a handful of people that I know in real life know my alter on this message board. I don’t have a location listed in my profile. But if anyone cared enough to research my post history, they could figure out my geo location pretty quick just by the answers and recommendations I’ve given. So far no one has, thank goodness. But that’s because I haven’t indulged in the kind of behavior that makes people scramble through post history.

I do occasionally tell a story about my previous experiences, previous clients, etc. I usually edit them heavily and change a few key details to protect both the innocent and the guilty. And I have typed out more than a few and deleted them before posting because there was no way I could make them less identifiable and have them be relevant.

So the real ‘reminder’ of this thread is that no one is anonymous, if you can only post it under an alter, you probably shouldn’t post it at all, and that ill considered posts of the internet have a very long life of their very own.

[mkevent]

I don’t know who the PO is either.

I have met some amazing people through COTH. I don’t frequent any other BBs because I value the information and level of expertise found here. Overall, there is a great wealth of experience and knowledge.

I have also made the misjudgment of assuming because someone is on COTH, he/she would be more serious regarding horse care and riding. That isn’t always the case and I should have done better due diligence. My mistake.

I think we all have met horse people who talked a better game than their abilities. Then you meet them and realize they don’t even realize how little they know. You can fool people through emails and texts and it isn’t until you see them interacting with horses that you see the missing gaps.

I have a feeling that is what happened here. I think vxf’s explanation is very plausible. PO probably figured another COTHer would give the pony a wonderful home and privately reached out to her. Maybe she didn’t fully do her due diligence either. I think the story touched her and she thought it might be a great “pay it forward” opportunity. Maybe she wanted to believe the best until it became apparent that it wouldn’t be the right thing to do for the pony’s sake. I’m sure it wasn’t an easy thing to do but imagine if you were in the same position. I’d rather have a family of strangers mad at me than worrying about a special pony that I didn’t do right by. We are our animals advocates.

How many COTHers were shocked when former COTHers didn’t turn out to be who we thought they were? I still remember the Pintopiaffe debacle and the COTHer who pretended she was a veterinarian but wasn’t?

It’s a shame that it didn’t work out for either party but that’s life. We don’t know the entire story and it probably doesn’t matter anyway.

Just try to learn from the past and move on.

[Amiblue]

[QUOTE=vxf111;8101427]
I’m sorry but even by the OP’s OWN ACCOUNT there was no deal or tentative deal. She was trying the pony. Endstop. Either party could say no after that point. One party did. Enough with this “screwing people over” business. By the OP’s OWN ADMISSIONS in her VERY FIRST POST, there was no deal reached, no terms negotiated, and no common understanding before she headed down to the PO’s farm. Even if you think it was a low down dirty thing to negotiate for tack-- there was NO BREACH of any agreement because there was never any agreement to start with.[/QUOTE]

Actually, by my own account, there was. She told us to personally come down with a trailer to get her vs hiring the shipper I wanted to. She said to come prior to the 11th which also required taking time off from work but was done as she asked. A stall was reserved at the first of the month and all extra feed and needed items purchased for the arrival of the pony which she was kept up-to-date on. We continued to communicate the entire drive down as well. It was mentioned numerous times that she was giving us the pony for free because she only wanted her to be in a family with children who would love and care for her. Her only requirement was that we would not resell or give her to anyone else and that if at anytime we decided to no longer keep her (which wasn’t going to happen) we would let them have the first opportunity to have her back. I also agreed. I was willing to sign the contract on arrival (stated the night before) as she said we would write it up then as she hadn’t had time to do it yet. Apparently it was my mistake in trusting her based on over a month of conversations which made me feel it was okay to wait until we got down there. Her own statements of: “I would like to make firm that we will get her back if anything goes wrong… You are not allowed to sell her. Thats really my most important point.” is an additional indicator of what I have been saying about other conversations that were had. We were getting the pony with the understanding that she would go back to them if anything happened.

“I totally understand that and I think its great that he is so supportive. About the contract, I admit that we haven’t looked into any types of contract yet, so if it is ok with you we would write one tomorrow. I would like to make firm that we will get her back if anything goes wrong… You are not allowed to sell her. Thats really my most important point. By the way, do you have my adress?”

The question I had had for her was if we were doing a trial (obviously at our farm) before finalizing or if we were just doing a buy back guarantee as both options were what had been discussed. I wanted her to be comfortable with the choice so I was allowing her time to decide which one she wanted. Either one was fine with me. Both clearly show this was a transfer of ownership, not a lease as many aggressors want to assume.

Nothing in our conversations, written or verbal, had this visit as a trial and if she felt it was, why would she have me bring the trailer down?

Her son and she herself verbally told my children this was their pony and going home with them that day. It is very hard to misunderstand someone saying multiple time “This is your pony”, “She is perfect for all of you” , “You will do well with each other” and “She is absolutely going home with you today.” She had them ride her, groom her, asked them how they liked her and stated she “was very comfortable with us” multiple times during phone conversation and in person while there. The only time it changed was when I said no to purchasing a saddle that was 4 sizes to big. She said she thought is was a 15.5 but it was a 16 or larger and my children are fitted to a size 12. It also required an interesting assortment of padding to fit the “tiny” pony. I personally felt having my personal saddle fitter come out and fit the pony and my children and purchasing a new saddle was in the best interest of everyone and not wasting money on a saddle I had no idea was going to be a required purchase prior to arriving and was useless to me. I explained that to her and her responses were that I should just buy it anyway and resell it to someone else or even the saddle fitter. I don’t see why I should have to do that when it is her saddle and was not part of the agreement made. We were coming down for the pony and if I bought anything extra, that was a choice I was making and I did agree to buy the bridle and was considering a few of the other items. If she didn’t want the saddle, then she should sell it herself and not try to attach it as a requirement for the pony. It was clear to my husband, myself and my mare’s breeder who she spoke to on the phone that if I had purchased the items as she wanted, the pony would be here. She even said it herself that it was her full intention of giving us the pony but because I wouldn’t buy all the gear at their price, then they didn’t feel we could afford to care for the pony. All after telling my children she was theirs. I still don’t see how not purchasing a saddle that was not appropriate for us that we also didn’t know was going to be a required purchase vs allowing our saddle fitter to fit a new one is an indicator of what we can financially afford.

All of the aggressive arguments on her behalf want to make assumptions on everything from my mental status to my level of enthusiasm being the issue. Facts are facts and rather than look at them for what they are, you want to offensively attack.

She knows exactly what she did and having a lovely facility, a few nice horses and being a nice rider does not mean she is above doing this to someone as many wish to imply. She is still human. And I highly doubt she would want her aggressive supporters to find out she did in fact lead on a family and lie to three small children. If you are so quick to overlook facts and other posters corrections to attack me, which I am fine with as I know all of the facts, then what would you do to her if you realized the truth?

[Long_Spot]

Why do you keep mentioning aggressive supporters? What are you hinting at and not saying?

[ben4me]

Funny that we haven’t heard from the OP lately.

[vxf111]

sigh Clearly you could not possibly have misunderstood/misconstrued anything along the way. Your very first post laying out the conversations makes it readily apparently to anyone who is careful to read and comprehend that while YOU were hoping to just show up and bring home a pony the PO was viewing this as a trial and was putting off until later the decision as to whether she would give/lease you the pony and on what terms. No one MADE you rent a trailer and blah blah blah. You decided to do that. She didn’t “have you” bring the trailer down. You elected to do that because you hoped things would work out. Had they, it would have saved you a trip. But since it wasn’t a done deal, it was a wasted trip.

Her picking a date to meet. Telling you NOT to hire a shipper. You getting a stall. These are NOT evidence of a meeting of the minds. They are evidence that the two of you arranged to meet up. You jumped the gun and had the grain waiting at home in the feed pan. Just because you misread the signs and assumed it was a done deal doesn’t make it a done deal. By your own account the PO said she wanted to discuss the particulars AFTER your kids tried the pony. Your refusal to understand this fundamental fact-- and the difference between having an agreement and planning a time to discuss an agreement are where it all falls apart. Your one-sided insistence that YOU thought it was a done deal doesn’t make it so when your belief wasn’t reasonable under the facts.

I don’t know the PO from adam but I can see immediately that she doesn’t need a couple hundred bucks from selling a saddle and that this clearly had to do with her assessment of your situation as being suitable for her pony.

I don’t mean this in an unkind way but you seem like a beginner horse owner. The family life seems like there’s a lot going on. The over-the-top enthusiasm and inability to slow down and read/listen is overwhelming. Once she met you-- she may have worried about your ability to provide for the pony, including making sure it had appropriate tack. When you balked at buying her tack-- that was probably the nail in the coffin and she realized she’d be lying awake at night wondering if the pony was limping around out there with ill-fitting tack and she just said “no.”

And then, you showed a real lack of class by trying to goad her into a public shaming here. Which is exactly what this thread is. Instead of being mature and realizing that maybe this wasn’t the right situation-- you wanted her to “learn a lesson” and be shamed. Except I don’t think she did the wrong thing, in the end. She may not have handled it perfectly/gracefully at every step of the way but in the end she did what she thought was best and I’d bet money it was because she was concerned about the pony’s future.

A little introspection is in order. Not so much the public flogging.

[CaitlinandTheBay]

[QUOTE=Amiblue;8101673]
Actually, by my own account, there was. She told us to personally come down with a trailer to get her vs hiring the shipper I wanted to. She said to come prior to the 11th which also required taking time off from work but was done as she asked. A stall was reserved at the first of the month and all extra feed and needed items purchased for the arrival of the pony which she was kept up-to-date on. We continued to communicate the entire drive down as well. It was mentioned numerous times that she was giving us the pony for free because she only wanted her to be in a family with children who would love and care for her. Her only requirement was that we would not resell or give her to anyone else and that if at anytime we decided to no longer keep her (which wasn’t going to happen) we would let them have the first opportunity to have her back. I also agreed. I was willing to sign the contract on arrival (stated the night before) as she said we would write it up then as she hadn’t had time to do it yet. Apparently it was my mistake in trusting her based on over a month of conversations which made me feel it was okay to wait until we got down there. [/QUOTE]

Were you offered the PO’s pony before your posted here? Because you posted your wanted post on March 11th. Today is April 12th. If we’re talking facts here…

[vxf111]

Here’s my summary of the conversation YOU laid out in post #1, OP (cutting out some extraneous stuff)

Earlier in the week you told her that you booked a trailer and made arrangements. Her response “looking forward to meeting you.” She didn’t TELL you to book a trailer or go all out. You told HER you had already done it. In response she simply said she’d be meeting you. She didn’t say something like “oh good, because for sure you’ll take pony home.” You jumped the gun and went shopping for tack and supplies. What does that have to do with HER? She didn’t tell/make you do it. You did it. Again and again you’re putting responsibility on HER for the choices you made on your own that she had nothing to do with.

Then the conversation right before you leave to go to the farm makes it abundantly clear that from her POV she is still vetting you, it is not a done deal yet…

OP: If we bring her back, you’ll have first refusal. We’ll send you updates. Look forward to meeting you. The trailer is all ready to go. (you admit with conditional language that you are not bound to take the pony. You can’t have it both ways. Either you thought you had the chance to back out or you guys had an agreement)
PO: Looking forward to meeting you. (she views this as a meeting)
OP: If this doesn’t work out, I’ll lose my chance to get a pony at all (nice hard sell there, OP)
PO: I haven’t looked at the contract. We can deal with that tomorrow. Most important is that she not be sold. (evidence that you don’t have an agreement, with complete terms. PO wants to handle that later. Most important implies there are other terms too)
OP: Yes, that would be fine. I won’t sell her. (you don’t push back and say “hey, unless we have a deal I’m not coming.” You agree with the plan to go down and negotiate later)
OP: Thank you, this is kind.
PO: I want her to have a good family and for the match to work both ways (indicating that suitability is part of the decision-making process for OP)
OP: I can’t wait to see you.
PO: I hope it works out. (note—not “I am glad it has worked out.” or “she’s ready for you to pick up.” PO is still making it clear that this may or may not work out).

Just based on your own cut and paste of the conversation… it was not a done deal, she didn’t force or lure you into renting the trailer, etc. You didn’t read/listen/pay attention/understand. And the fact that you can’t seemingly see that now, even in hindsight, even a little is surprising to me.

Side note- I love that your mare’s breeder who wasn’t there got roped into inserting herself into the deal. That didn’t make you look any crazier than the PO might have already thought. Oh, you won’t let me just take this pony now with no contract, for free? Well, let me put you on the horn with someone who bred an OTTB that I have. She doesn’t know you from adam and she’s not my trainer/BM so clearly her opinion will be vital in this business transaction to which she had no connection.

[Amiblue]

vxf111: Okay, let’s hypothetically say you are right and that I was misreading all of our written and verbal conversations. Let’s also go with the hypothetical idea that she is a more knowledgeable, experienced horsewoman who must know far more than I myself do and has made many transactions over her life time. If that is the case and what I am stating is wrong, then why wouldn’t she have corrected me instead of having us do everything we did and invite us down WITH the trailer?

You want to accuse me of not comprehending, but other posters all through this thread like the poster below have corrected and pointed things out to each other and the only ones blowing through everyone are those being aggressively supportive when it is not necessary. You want to assume a lot and regardless of how you feel, she and I know the truth. None of what is going on here or what she is doing on her Facebook is going to make a difference in what happened. I do think it is a good reminder lesson though.

[QUOTE=Cindyg;8100411]
You guys who are so quick to assume the OP is nuts and evil, if it happened to you, just exactly how it happened to PO, I think you’d be ticked off too. And I think you’d feel free to vent online if you were a venting-online sort of person.

I cannot understand why the giver encouraged the receiver to bring a trailer and set up the boarding situation if she wasn’t already sure about the receiving family. The time to evaluate them was BEFORE they drove down with the kids and the trailer.

The giver was in the power position. She could have checked references, or made them send a video of the pony’s future home, or made them send a video of the children around their current horse, or asked for proof of employment, or had Mom fly down without the kids (and the trailer). She could have asked for anything she wanted.

She certainly should have made the contract available before they came down.

But she didn’t. She invited them to drive down with the kids and the trailer.

If she didn’t think they could afford the pony, she should have asked about that before they came down.

If she thought the pony was too good to give away, she should have thought about that before they came down.

If she didn’t think the pony should go to a special needs child, she should have thought about that before they came down.

If she wanted to sell the tack with the pony, she should have thought of that before they came down.

I don’t get it. I think the giver is very flaky.

Regardless of what the OP might have failed to anticipate, I think the giver was very flaky.[/QUOTE]

I will say that I am greatful for the people here on Chronicles of the Horse. While I have extensive riding knowledge and a lengthy amount of experience in other areas of the horse world, I am inexperienced in some areas and always looking to learn the best way of doing things and love asking questions. It is also good to be able share personal experiences in the hopes that it will save others the heartache you had to go through.

I think I have done enough to explain things and will bow out to allow the continued bantering of opinions over facts. If this helps someone, then it was worth it. I have also received other offers given the situation and I think it is best to get back on the horse, so to speak, and see who will work out the best for everyone involved. Once we have someone in our barn, I will post an update on who we got and how it is going. If the person wants me to share who they are in that update with a public thank you, I will do that. But I will leave that up to them.

I hope everyone has a peaceful and wonderful week ahead and wish you all, even those of you who don’t particularly care for me and have shown it, the very best. I hold no hard feelings to you or to the pony’s owner. Take care!

[vxf111]

It would have been prudent for her to tell you to calm the heck down. But it’s not like you apparently listened to the things she did tell you!

I suspect this thread has been instructive, in different ways

[CaitlinandTheBay]

The Chronicle of the Horse.

[RPM]

Wednesday 9:44pm ME
Hi! Tried to give you a call but it may be to late. I wanted to make sure everything was good for tomorrow and see if you had any questions or concerns. I also wanted to go over what we decided to do. If we would bring her back here with a contract that you have first options if ever (which you will never have to worry about as she will never leave us) if there is ever a problem or if we will do a trial for a couple of weeks before finalizing? I promise always lots of pictures and constant updates in addition to anytime visits, lol. You can ask my mares breeder! We are looking forward to meeting you tomorrow and hope we don’t look to crazy after being in the car for hours with the kids, lol!!! Thank you so much! J, B and E (my children) are very excited and made sure her stall was all ready tonight while I got the trailer hooked up. They even went to bed!!! Well, we will see you tomorrow! Will update you along the way so you will know where we are. My phone number is 000-000-0000 to just incase you need it again.

HER
Thank you so much for the mail, we are looking forward to meet your family tomorrow and will talk about everything, have a safe trip!!!

ME
We will and look forward to tomorrow as well. I want to make sure everything is good though.

HER
About the contract, I admit that we haven’t looked into any types of contract yet, so if it is ok with you we would write one tomorrow. I would like to make firm that we will get her back if anything goes wrong… You are not allowed to sell her. Thats really my most important point. By the way, do you have my adress?

ME
Yes and thank you, that would be fine.

ME
Thank you for sharing her with us.

HER
as long as she and your family will enjoy each other,

ME
Monday 9:00pm
Hi! We hope you had a wonderful Easter! I want to give you an update: We reserved the trailer and paid for two days so we could take our time in coming down and going back. Had the truck and trailer inspected by the mechanic to make sure everything is good to make the trip and we are cleared to go. I figured we would be, but I prefer to be safe than sorry, lol. We got her stall ready, bought extras of everything from minerals and carrots to ground flax and Triple Crown and have decided which pasture she will do the best in. My husband is working on getting time off so he can come down with us and as soon as I have the days, I will let you know. He knows it has to be this week and within a day or two. (Her request) So, everything is coming together and we are super excited. I showed my husband her videos today and my daughter was very excited telling him that (Pony name) is her pony and she is going to get to ride her and brush her and take care of her. When you meet her you will see how cute this is. Thank you very much for everything. I really hope you still like us when we get there (joking given the amount of time we communicated and how much she said we were perfect for the pony and just what she wanted for her) because everyone is on board and I don’t think I would be able to get my husband to again! This opportunity is amazing and I can’t tell you how much it is appreciated by all of us. Thank You

Her
sounds good looking forward to meet you all!!

NOWHERE does PO say this is a done deal already. OP seems to be assuming rather a lot.

I agree with others who have said that having a lot of money, a beautiful barn, and other horses has nothing to do with whether a person is a good person or not.

[ReSomething]

[QUOTE=Long Spot;8101680]
Why do you keep mentioning aggressive supporters? What are you hinting at and not saying?[/QUOTE]

I think OP is personalizing support for a position.

You can track how many posts are made by how many posters and there are quite a few not-supportive-of-OP made by just a few, so Obviously they must be made by supporters of PO.

[ESG]

AmiBlue, I wouldn’t worry about the naysayers. They haven’t any more information or insight into what happened than you do, since you were there and they weren’t. I think the PO did you a huge disservice, and she should be ashamed of herself.

Just ignore the bullies. They’ll get back to real life and leave you alone as soon as another COTH crisis pops up. :winkgrin:

[jetsmom]

Rather than vilifying either of them, couldn’t it be possible that both could have communicated a little more clearly and that neither is a bad person? OP should have locked down a commitment " Can you send contract before I leave? Can I do a 2 week trial? Or do you need me to stay in a hotel for a couple of days so you can get a feel for how the pony will do with us?" (And tell kids “we are just looking at a pony. We might not get it>”
PO could have clearly stated " I will not commit to anything without meeting you and seeing how things go. If I don’t feel it is a good fit, I will not release pony. I hope you understand. In addition I require that you buy the pony’s custom fitted saddle for “X” amount."

[FatDinah]

I don’t understand why this family NEEDS a pony so urgently to have launched this expensive and time-consuming trip. The kids are 2, 4 and 6 and the oldest has limited physical ability. What are they going to do with the pony other than walk around on a leadline. When it is hot or cold or rainy those kids are not going to want to do anything. Both parents work and mom has a young thorobred so I am sure not a lot of extra barn time. Anyone thinking about giving a pony to this situation needs to keep in mind what pony’s life will be like because I think pon may end up like the Christmas toy tossed in a closet by New Year’s. I also suspect it is mom driving this pony campaign, not the kids. And it’s mom’s emotions hurt when the first pony owner did not go along with her fantasy.

[kdow]

[QUOTE=eastendjumper;8101329]
(me too please)[/QUOTE]

(me three)

[RockinHorse]

@Amiblue;8101673

Actually, by my own account, there was. She told us to personally come down with a trailer to get her vs hiring the shipper I wanted to. Sounds like she still wanted to check you out and maybe she did not realize that you coming down with a trailer would be an additional expense for you She said to come prior to the 11th which also required taking time off from work but was done as she asked. A stall was reserved at the first of the month and all extra feed and needed items purchased for the arrival of the pony which she was kept up-to-date on. We continued to communicate the entire drive down as well. It was mentioned numerous times that she was giving us the pony for free because she only wanted her to be in a family with children who would love and care for her. Her only requirement was that we would not resell or give her to anyone else and that if at anytime we decided to no longer keep her (which wasn’t going to happen) we would let them have the first opportunity to have her back. I also agreed. I was willing to sign the contract on arrival (stated the night before) as she said we would write it up then as she hadn’t had time to do it yet. Apparently it was my mistake in trusting her based on over a month of conversations which made me feel it was okay to wait until we got down there. Her own statements of: “I would like to make firm that we will get her back if anything goes wrong… You are not allowed to sell her. Thats really my most important point.” is an additional indicator of what I have been saying about other conversations that were had. We were getting the pony with the understanding that she would go back to them if anything happened.

Okay so something did happen and now the pony reverted back to being the original owners even though they though it was going to you
“I totally understand that and I think its great that he is so supportive. About the contract, I admit that we haven’t looked into any types of contract yet, so if it is ok with you we would write one tomorrow. I would like to make firm that we will get her back if anything goes wrong… You are not allowed to sell her. Thats really my most important point. By the way, do you have my adress?”

The question I had had for her was if we were doing a trial (obviously at our farm) before finalizing or if we were just doing a buy back guarantee as both options were what had been discussed. I wanted her to be comfortable with the choice so I was allowing her time to decide which one she wanted. Either one was fine with me. Both clearly show this was a transfer of ownership, not a lease as many aggressors want to assume.

Nothing in our conversations, written or verbal, had this visit as a trial and if she felt it was, why would she have me bring the trailer down?

Her son and she herself verbally told my children this was their pony and going home with them that day. It is very hard to misunderstand someone saying multiple time “This is your pony”, “She is perfect for all of you” , “You will do well with each other” and “She is absolutely going home with you today.” She had them ride her, groom her, asked them how they liked her and stated she “was very comfortable with us” multiple times during phone conversation and in person while there. The only time it changed was when I said no to purchasing a saddle that was 4 sizes to big. She said she thought is was a 15.5 but it was a 16 or larger and my children are fitted to a size 12. It also required an interesting assortment of padding to fit the “tiny” pony. I personally felt having my personal saddle fitter come out and fit the pony and my children and purchasing a new saddle was in the best interest of everyone and not wasting money on a saddle I had no idea was going to be a required purchase prior to arriving and was useless to me. I explained that to her and her responses were that I should just buy it anyway and resell it to someone else or even the saddle fitter. I don’t see why I should have to do that when it is her saddle and was not part of the agreement made. We were coming down for the pony and if I bought anything extra, that was a choice I was making and I did agree to buy the bridle and was considering a few of the other items. If she didn’t want the saddle, then she should sell it herself and not try to attach it as a requirement for the pony. It was clear to my husband, myself and my mare’s breeder who she spoke to on the phone
What on earth does your mare’s breeder have to do with this and why is she inserting herself into this mess?
that if I had purchased the items as she wanted, the pony would be here. She even said it herself that it was her full intention of giving us the pony but because I wouldn’t buy all the gear at their price, then they didn’t feel we could afford to care for the pony. Is it at all possible during the negotiations for the items and discussions about the saddle you said something that made the PO believe that finances were an issue?All after telling my children she was theirs. I still don’t see how not purchasing a saddle that was not appropriate for us that we also didn’t know was going to be a required purchase vs allowing our saddle fitter to fit a new one is an indicator of what we can financially afford.

Comments in red above. OP I am not trying to pick on you, just point out that there may be another way of looking at things.

[alibi_18]

[QUOTE=FatDinah;8101847]
I don’t understand why this family NEEDS a pony so urgently to have launched this expensive and time-consuming trip. The kids are 2, 4 and 6 and the oldest has limited physical ability. What are they going to do with the pony other than walk around on a leadline. When it is hot or cold or rainy those kids are not going to want to do anything. Both parents work and mom has a young thorobred so I am sure not a lot of extra barn time. Anyone thinking about giving a pony to this situation needs to keep in mind what pony’s life will be like because I think pon may end up like the Christmas toy tossed in a closet by New Year’s. I also suspect it is mom driving this pony campaign, not the kids. And it’s mom’s emotions hurt when the first pony owner did not go along with her fantasy.[/QUOTE]

?? So the OP now is not allowed to be looking for a pony because YOU decided that her kids don’t want one, don’t need one and that the pony will be mistreated?

Me think you need some special care…

[Pembroke]

[QUOTE=jetsmom;8101837]
Rather than vilifying either of them, couldn’t it be possible that both could have communicated a little more clearly and that neither is a bad person? OP should have locked down a commitment " Can you send contract before I leave? Can I do a 2 week trial? Or do you need me to stay in a hotel for a couple of days so you can get a feel for how the pony will do with us?" (And tell kids “we are just looking at a pony. We might not get it>”
PO could have clearly stated " I will not commit to anything without meeting you and seeing how things go. If I don’t feel it is a good fit, I will not release pony. I hope you understand. In addition I require that you buy the pony’s custom fitted saddle for “X” amount."[/QUOTE]

Have to agree, I think this is the case here – bad communications from both sides. And no one is the devil.