WWYD: Client's farrier makes me uncomfortable

[Mondo]

I found the OP’s description of this cad’s behavior more than shocking. I’m glad she got some backup from the BO. I am no shrinking violet, so while I understand the OP’s reluctance to engage the clown, I would have, potential consequences be damned. OP did the right thing in telling BO - next tell client that you will not ever hold her horse for this clown again. If you lose the client over that, oh well.

The hot tub remark was clear harassment in her place of work. Just because it’s a barn and not a business office, doesn’t change that fact. The ensuing remarks were filthy racism in its worst form. This man is an ignorant worm. It’s a rather random subject to come up in a barn conversation. It makes me wonder if he knows the OP is married to a black man.

And for the poster who told her to suck it up because the man is entitled to his “opinions,” you are the poster child for the race problem we have in this country. The filth he spewed is not an “opinion!” It’s ignorance and frankly, stupidity, and has no place in discourse of any kind.

[pAin_t_Misbehavin]

Your boss sounds like a good one. I’m glad you told her.
Back in the bad old days, when complaining about this sort of thing made the woman seem like the troublemaker - I was on a scientific vessel and awoke to find a male colleague in my stateroom with his hands where they should not have been. I kicked him across the room (I was in the upper bunk so was able to nail him in the chest with both feet) and that was the end of it.
Later on, though, I started to worry that this man might try the same with one of the younger students. (I was in my early thirties, but there were girls in their late teens/early twenties on board.) I felt like I needed to protect the program as well as my younger colleagues, so with great trepidation, I told the scientist in charge. He was awesome about it and took appropriate action. That’s the first time I remember feeling like I didn’t have to handle those kinds of situations all by myself.
It’s a great feeling to work for someone who has your back, no?

[Salty]

I agree with those who say to only speak to him, and only allow him to speak, about horse feet and nothing else. And if I were the boss I would have banished him immediately, no question.

[OverandOnward]

@BeeHoney

…
I’m not sure there would be much he said-she said. Claiming that he was “joking” or that the groom was taking him too seriously would be an admission of guilt. Of course, there could be some fall out. Clients or the trainer might not care that the farrier is a jerk. The farrier might respond angrily and refuse to return or behave worse on his return. However, in my experience, farriers or vets or trainers who are having problems with their behavior are NEVER a good bet. It ALWAYS ends up affecting their work and affecting the horses.

^^^ All of this.

If the client leaves because of the farrier being ruled off, good riddance. Doesn’t matter how big a client. That’s a client who will eventually cost more than they pay. The business that maintains standards will not have to be struggling with other stupidity like that farrier.

There will be other clients.

[OverandOnward]

I also agree with the poster who said that it’s a bit of coincidence that the farrier picked out race as a subject, and that he likely knew about the groom’s husband. The farrier wanted a confrontation. He is not someone who should ever be allowed on the place again.

There are political figures and celebrities who are no longer in politics or the celebrity circle because of one odious remark or statement. It’s certainly not a first that someone would lose a job over that kind of behavior.

[babybritain]

It was mentioned some of my details were sketchy, so sorry if I was unclear on some things in my original post. I was attempting to be concise and might have made things confusing in the process.

Just to clear it up–I work for a team that owns the property and all other team members are traveling for the summer. Jane rents out the majority of the stalls on the property for the summer. I have no association with her or her grooms, vets, farriers, etc. The farrier in question shoes her horses.

My boss (who is traveling and showing right now) has a client that wanted full care for their horse for the summer. I take care of all this client’s horse’s needs. It was when I found out this client uses the same farrier as Jane that I began to worry, as I would have to directly interact with this man again.

I am very grateful to my boss for being so supportive. I talked more with her yesterday and she will be talking to Jane soon (Jane is currently out of the country for the week) to inform her of what her farrier said, and to let her know if it happens again he will be banned from the property. She said if it was our farrier, he would be fired immediately. My boss runs a very reputable business and does not want people on the property that reflect badly upon it. They also treat their employees very well, for which I’m super thankful.

In regards to it being strange that race came up, it began with small talk about me previously being a teacher. We both made some comments about how terrible the education system is. This is where he brought up race, saying he hears complaints about how people of color have it worse in the public school systems, but really black people learn slower so it’s not inequitable really (which makes zero sense). He had no idea my husband is black, and I think his next comments asking about his ancestors were him actually trying to back track once I informed him I didn’t agree, my husband is black, etc.

It’s crazy to see how many posters have personal stories about workplace harassment. Thank you everyone for sharing–it has solidified my confidence in my choice to tell my employer. You guys are awesome.

[CHT]

@Palm Beach

The farrier works for the person who pays him, which would usually be the horse owner. The barn owner can ban him from the property, although normally you would allow both sides to tell their story, and I suspect there would be a lot of “he said she said” involved. This is not in defense of the farrier, he’s a pig, but I’m sure he would defend himself by saying he was joking and OP is too sensitive. I’m not sure what procedures, legally, the barn owner would have to follow since the farrier is not her employee.

Legal Procedures? I can ban whomever I want from my property, for whatever reason I want. The farrier has no “right” to my property. They are not a tenant. If the boarder still wants to use him, they can, but at a different property.

[mmeqcenter]

White males bring up race pretty regularly, for seemingly no reason at all, it’s really not strange at all IMO. Especially if they’re older.

Example - my twin sister was at a bar for a work happy hour. They were ending the evening, most everyone in the work party had left, it was just her and her (young, white, male) manager remaining waiting on their checks. Old white male at barn alone strikes up a conversation. They’re chatting, nice guy, talking about what they each do for a living.
Dude notices her engagement and wedding rings and goes “Well, make sure you guys have plenty of kids.”
Uh do what now?
Sister asks him “what do you mean?”
OWM: “Well, blacks are having kids at higher rates than us, we’re going to be outnumbered soon. So young white people like yourselves need to make sure to have at least three kids.”
Sis: “So let me get this straight - you want white married couples to have more kids so that we don’t become ‘outnumbered’?”
OWM: “Oh yeah, gotta keep up with these poor [financially, he meant] minorities.”
Sis: Turns to bartender and hands back signed receipt. Turns back to WM and says “Well I doubt we’ll be able to help you with that since my husband’s black” and walks away.

You can’t make this stuff up.

[Palm_Beach]

@CHT

Legal Procedures? I can ban whomever I want from my property, for whatever reason I want. The farrier has no “right” to my property. They are not a tenant. If the boarder still wants to use him, they can, but at a different property.

Of course. But in real life, in order to avoid a sexual harassment lawsuit, the employer of the employee who is being harassed at work needs to show that they investigated the complaint and took steps to remedy the situation. If the employer refuses to use the farrier’s services based on the employee’s statement and that statement was false, the farrier then has recourse against the person who made the false statement since he’s lost business.

OP appears to be sincere to me and I am not victim shaming or blaming, but remember the thread not too long ago about the leased/stolen back pony? Everyone told that OP to go get the pony, and she did. Most people were very sympathetic to the OP and vilified the trainer until the trainer showed up and told a different story.

[babybritain]

@mmeqcenter

White males bring up race pretty regularly, for seemingly no reason at all, it’s really not strange at all IMO. Especially if they’re older.

Example - my twin sister was at a bar for a work happy hour. They were ending the evening, most everyone in the work party had left, it was just her and her (young, white, male) manager remaining waiting on their checks. Old white male at barn alone strikes up a conversation. They’re chatting, nice guy, talking about what they each do for a living.
Dude notices her engagement and wedding rings and goes “Well, make sure you guys have plenty of kids.”
Uh do what now?
Sister asks him “what do you mean?”
OWM: “Well, blacks are having kids at higher rates than us, we’re going to be outnumbered soon. So young white people like yourselves need to make sure to have at least three kids.”
Sis: “So let me get this straight - you want white married couples to have more kids so that we don’t become ‘outnumbered’?”
OWM: “Oh yeah, gotta keep up with these poor [financially, he meant] minorities.”
Sis: Turns to bartender and hands back signed receipt. Turns back to WM and says “Well I doubt we’ll be able to help you with that since my husband’s black” and walks away.

You can’t make this stuff up.

Wow. So crazy. It blows my mind that some people think someone most likely shares their racist views just because that person is also white.

[Marigold]

@mmeqcenter

Sis: Turns to bartender and hands back signed receipt. Turns back to WM and says “Well I doubt we’ll be able to help you with that since my husband’s black” and walks away.

That’s a ridiculous story and it sucks that anyone had to listen to an actual human spew that nonsense.

That said, I just got SO much enjoyment from the facts aligning such that your sister had that comeback ready and waiting. What an absolute mic drop.

[GraceLikeRain]

The number of responses that amount to “he may be predatory and racist but you should suck it up” really illustrates a fundamental problem with the horse community.

Once someone is deemed a professional (e.g., trainer, farrier, vet) many people will go to the ends of the earth to defend them. Jimmy Williams anyone? This is why people don’t speak up. They are silenced by the people who say “it could be worse” or “just avoid him” or “don’t cause trouble” …

Every professional is replaceable. If they were not then an element of horse husbandry or instruction would forever disappear whenever one of the “greats” retires or passes away.

Kudos to your boss for putting their foot down and being a decent human being.

[Palm_Beach]

@emipou

I got half way down the first page and just wanted to say that all these people who are telling OP to suck it up, are just horrifying to me.
The guy made a sexual remark, then made a completely horrible racist remark regarding her husband. THIS IS HARASSMENT. This isn’t spanning over a length of time. These are the first encounters.

This will only escalate and NEEDS. TO. STOP. N O W.

It was only 2 people who said suck it up.

[Palm_Beach]

@GraceLikeRain

The number of responses that amount to “he may be predatory and racist but you should suck it up” really illustrates a fundamental problem with the horse community.

That’s 2 out of 71 responses which is less than 3%. What is the fundamental problem of the horse community that is being illustrated?

[anon40672407]

@Palm Beach

That’s 2 out of 71 responses which is less than 3%. What is the fundamental problem of the horse community that is being illustrated?

An inability to do math?

[CHT]

@Palm Beach

Of course. But in real life, in order to avoid a sexual harassment lawsuit, the employer of the employee who is being harassed at work needs to show that they investigated the complaint and took steps to remedy the situation. If the employer refuses to use the farrier’s services based on the employee’s statement and that statement was false, the farrier then has recourse against the person who made the false statement since he’s lost business.

.

Nope. The farrier is not an employee, they are only a contractor. The barn has no obligation to investigate the complaint before saying they are no longer allowed on their property. Now, if they tell people what happened, or post it publicly without evidence, then there could be an issue, and I suppose if the farrier wants to go after the employee for costing them business they could, but the BARN has no responsibility to investigate. The barn should feel a responsibility for ensuring a safe environment for its employees and clients.

[Palm_Beach]

@CHT

Nope. The farrier is not an employee, they are only a contractor. The barn has no obligation to investigate the complaint before saying they are no longer allowed on their property. Now, if they tell people what happened, or post it publicly without evidence, then there could be an issue, and I suppose if the farrier wants to go after the employee for costing them business they could, but the BARN has no responsibility to investigate. The barn should feel a responsibility for ensuring a safe environment for its employees and clients.

You need to read my post for context. “But in real life, in order to avoid a sexual harassment lawsuit, the employer of the employee who is being harassed at work needs to show that they investigated the complaint and took steps to remedy the situation.” I was NOT speaking about the barn, I was speaking about real life, which is clearly stated in that one sentence. In real life, a complaint is investigated. I then did address the farrier in my NEXT sentence, which is also pretty clear.

[GraceLikeRain]

@Palm Beach

That’s 2 out of 71 responses which is less than 3%. What is the fundamental problem of the horse community that is being illustrated?

On the first page alone there were 4 responses ranging from literally saying suck it up to don’t make it a big deal but casually say something as a FYI plus 1 indicating she needed to handle it on her own. At least 4 posts are you disagree with other posters so the actual ratio is at a minimum 5/67. I value my lunch time too much to go through all of the posts again but I’d bet the pad thai I’m eating that in all around 10% of the responses amount to “don’t make it an issue”.

[Palm_Beach]

@GraceLikeRain

On the first page alone there were 4 responses ranging from literally saying suck it up to don’t make it a big deal but casually say something as a FYI plus 1 indicating she needed to handle it on her own. At least 4 posts are you disagree with other posters so the actual ratio is at a minimum 5/67. I value my lunch time too much to go through all of the posts again but I’d bet the pad thai I’m eating that in all around 10% of the responses amount to “don’t make it an issue”.

I don’t agree with your statistics, but What is the fundamental problem of the horse community that is being illustrated?

90% of the responders support the OP and said she needed to take action. That’s an “A,” unless you go to Catholic school, where it’s a “B+.”

[Entourage]

I see you live in FL, and I swear this is probably the same farrier who made similar comments to me at my last job!