Are you “good enough” for the equestrian world?

[aohunter0629]

Are you “good enough” for the equestrian world?

I’ve been thinking about this for quite some time (actually for over 2.5 years), so I apologize in advance for the length of this post and I also realize it could be controversial, but I write it in a hope to provoke thought. In the past couple of years (after coming back to this sport in 2019) I have to be honest that I’ve asked myself this question probably 500 times.

As a child, I always loved horses and my parents certainly did what they could to help my sister and I fulfill our dream of having a horse. I so fondly remember spending Saturdays at the barn getting my horse bathed and ready for the Sunday horse shows. I remember getting my tack trunk packed for longer shows (which a week was a long show ), I remember planning with my barn mates the costumes we would wear for tandems and jumper teams, truly it was a glorious time of life! I remember our evening group lessons under the lights with our friends, I remember going “off course” because we were chatting when we should’ve been paying attention, I remember riding bareback and painting my horses feet with twinkle toes. Truly it was the best childhood a kid could ask for.

For me, horses were a bit of an escape from what was going on at home. They would always listen and they never told anyone any secrets I would tell them. I was lucky enough to spend my teenage years with some very special trainers and people. The people who truly taught me how to really ride and I think they know who they are . Those very people are the reason I have the ability to have my own farm and horses, and have green and young horses. They were honest, supportive, and truly what you look for in a coach.

I never ever questioned whether I was good enough for this equestrian world until about 2.5 years ago after we bought our farm. Moving East definitely changed an element to what I knew as this sport, however, I won’t say it’s just that because you only know what is around you at a given time for the most part, and I’ve heard a lot of the same from friends on both coasts. I think truly Covid changed a lot and not for the better in this world. But I can tell you the equestrian world today in my personal experience is nothing like what I grew up in and described above.

I have spent a lot of time reflecting on what it is that is so different. Why would I even begin to question whether I’m good enough for this? My husband and I try to be as generous as we can always be: we prioritize taking care of people who work for us whether in our business or at the farm, we try to always take care of all of the people around the horses (trainers, their staff, etc), and we truly give as much as we really honestly can. As I started to reflect I realized that it wasn’t me that was truly not good enough but it was an undercurrent throughout the industry: nothing and no one is ever “good enough” for the long-term. No matter how much money you spend on horses, how much you try to reward, show appreciation for, or help, tip, thank etc the people around you, or how many horse shows you attend, spending hundreds of thousands of dollars a year on this as a hobby, it’s just simply “never enough”. It dawned on me earlier this year when I looked around at people at the shows that I didn’t know one person around that I would consider truly “happy” or fulfilled! I can probably count on one hand the amount I know that are happy in this sport at this point😬. So while I could easily show and campaign, buy more horses and spend our life on the road from show to show, I’ve decided to take a different path for myself and my horses. And I’m lucky enough to have my own farm so I can do that.

I can’t say I’ve personally ever felt the way in life I have felt in this sport in the past several years. In so many respects it’s been a mental, physical, and emotional drain on both my horses and myself. And I find it extremely sad, but I also know I’m surely not alone in this. So many top riders of the past that I’m still friends with (people who truly can ride circles around most amateurs or juniors we see today) feel the same, and they don’t really miss the showing at all! Instead they’ve made their life about saving some of the great horses that have done so much for so many people and riders. My hope is that in time there will be change, change for horses to be treated better, for a level playing field without undetectable drugging of the hunters, without these animals seeing a lunge line for hours, for a reset to understand we are all just doing our very best, including the horses.

The amount of suicide in this sport in the past couple of years is staggering and frightening, another was just lost last week . My hope for everyone in this is that you find compassion for others, you remember why we fell in love with this sport and even more with the horses as little girls and boys, and just remember people are just trying to do their best and just be “enough”. Stop the witch hunting (the attack of Karl this week makes all of this even more evident to me). Stop expecting more from everything and everyone (your clients, your trainers, your horses). The sport needs change and reform, but that takes people stepping back, truly looking around, and demanding it. Not being ok with poor treatment of people and horses and turning a blind eye for a ribbon or self admiration at the costs of the animals and others mental and physical well-being.

[pony_grandma]

So sorry, yes it’s sad. I live in an area with hundreds of miles of deep ravines forested trails where it is the best of your life with your horse, and friends, to spend a glorious day with nature.

I had an older horse given to me when I first started out with my own place for his retirement. I rode him bareback with a halter and a lead rope. He would stand on the top of the ravines and want to look and look. Just he and I - standing there with the magnificent beeches and creeks running through the bottoms. It gives meaning to partnership and purpose.

Maybe try some lower level eventing for more connection. Some horses sparkle with cross country. And the people are adventurous.

[dmveventer]

I’m sorry you’re feeling this way and having trouble finding the joy in horses that you used to. It’s definitely not for the faint of heart, horses can really put you through the wringer and it’s not unusual for your priorities to change over time. I don’t think it’s fair to blame “the sport” though with such broad strokes without digging deeper into what about the sport today isn’t satisfying to you personally. Things are definitely different today but I know plenty of people who are still having fun with their horses, in the show ring and out. There are a lot of ways to enjoy the horse world, if one way isn’t working for you anymore it’s worth exploring others. Personally, I wasn’t happy in the hunters anymore so I switched to eventing and I’m loving life. I have hunter friends who can’t afford to show on the A circuit so they’re finding enjoyment from bringing along young horses and focusing on the training side. Others don’t show at all anymore and love just spending time with their horses. Some move all over the spectrum depending on what fits their life at a particular point in time.

You don’t really say what’s making you feel like you aren’t “good enough.” Is it lack of community? Not making progress on your competition goals? Not having the same resources as the people around you? Are you spending a lot of time around people that don’t share your values? If you’re not getting the same amount of happiness that you used to it’s worth evaluating why specifically that is and what you could do to change it. It may be as simple as a mindset shift, or maybe bigger changes like switching disciplines or stepping back from showing would help.

It’s a little cheesy but the quote “no one can make you feel inferior without your consent” is definitely applicable to the horse world. If what you’re doing feels like “enough” to you, then that’s the main thing. If it doesn’t, make sure it’s because YOU genuinely aren’t satisfied and not because the opinions of people who don’t matter are getting in the way of doing what you love.

[Foxglove]

Not involved in the h/j world, but over the 50+ years I’ve been riding and sometimes competing with horses, my perception of the horse world has changed (maybe the horse world has too). Most recently I was lusting after rankings in Mounted Archery --until 2022 when my horse blew a knee and was no longer rideable.

At the same time my travelling companion for MA married, had a baby, and bought a farm, while continuing her medical practice. During 2024, this year, I began to suspect that after 7 years of chasing rankings, that was no longer going to happen for me --at 70+ I’m competing against archers who are 20 years younger and who have been shooting for 20-30 years!

In discussion with my travelling partner --who lost her MA horse about the same time --she is going to continue to purse higher rankings by travelling by air and renting horses at venues. I have no desire to do that --I don’t like riding other people’s horses --period.

Meanwhile, Bob came into my life (my new horse). We had many thoughtful discussions (I talked, he listened) --and decided that while MA was fun, the fact that my travelling companion planned only 1 competition this year that Bob and I could go to together meant time for something new!

We have changed our focus to Ranch Horse showing --first show May 9.

My passion and finances may not be “good enough” to move me to the higher levels of MA --and it is a lack of passion these days --what’s the point? One competition this year? So we are now becoming passionate about Ranch Horse. New people and FOUR local shows (40 min from my farm).

I may not be good enough for Ranch Horse showing, but I’m going to have fun finding out.

[aohunter0629]

This has 0 to do with resources or any of the things you mention. To be honest my husband and I are fortunate and very blessed in that we don’t haven’t worry about money even in a sport where we spend multiple 6 figures a year on horse care and showing.!And tbh I show at the top of the sport and I don’t believe people who are “happy” act the way the people around act. I have plenty of friends outside of this sport who I consider happy, who display none of the traits I constantly witness in the “equestrian world”. I very clearly explain why I feel it’s not enough: poor treatment overall of people, bullying, slander, the feeling that the industry feels it’s ok. Spending hundreds of thousands of dollars a year yet trainers thinking it’s still appropriate to steal or treat their clients horses and the clients themselves badly. We are not talking about “backyard” trainers here, we are talking about people at the “top” of the sport. Truly I wrote this from a perspective of making people stop and think about the sport and how it’s changed. The horses are suffering around us and no one seems to care. And the people - why all the suicide?

[dmveventer]

Sounds like you’re burned out on the show scene then. There have been tons of threads here about horse welfare and the influence of big money on the H/J world today, you’re not the only one that’s feeling that. There are likeminded people here if you’re looking for validation or a sense of community. What isn’t fair though is to write off the entire “equestrian world” as terrible, unhappy people when you’re actually talking about a fairly narrow slice of that world. There are plenty of good people out there doing right by their horses and the people around them. You’re projecting a lot onto other people in your posts, and to some extent if you go into every interaction having decided that horse people are terrible, that’s what you’re going to get in return. Some horse people are terrible, no question. There are major problems in the sport today that need to be addressed. But it’s possible to discuss the systemic problems in the industry without assuming everyone except for you is part of the problem.

[fivestrideline]

I’ll say this: if you’re spending that much showing (or on any hobby), you’re spending a lot of time in a demographic of people who are never satisfied. For better or for worse. When there is no ceiling on what you can spend your time and money on in order to be “the best”, it is really easy to lose sight of why you(g) got into this sport in the first place. This applies to you, OP, and to the people around you.

You sound burnt out and are projecting that outward as well. If the horse show grind isn’t bringing you satisfaction and joy anymore, that’s really normal! Sometimes what we thought we wanted (our own farm, showing all year on the circuit, buying nice horses and chasing points, etc) turns out to not be fulfilling after all. You have to look inward though and be really honest with what brings you joy and what doesn’t.

Looking at your first post - you talk happily about riding with friends and playing around painting feet and jumping bareback. You talk about group lessons and riding with friends. You talk about barn shows and being excited for a week away. You didn’t talk about how much money your parents were spending or how many HOTY awards or national finals you won. It sounds like it’s time to think about what you DO enjoy - is it time for a discipline change? A business downsize or change to a different focus? A break from competing entirely? Is it actually not the horses at all, but something else that’s bothering you?

@dmveventer

What isn’t fair though is to write off the entire “equestrian world” as terrible, unhappy people when you’re actually talking about a fairly narrow slice of that world.

This. Plenty of people ARE unhappy for whatever reason, but even more are fulfilled, happy people out there doing their thing - they’ve found what brings them joy. I can’t tell you the number of people I know that have burned out on showing and now train and enjoy their horses, or switched disciplines, or dropped their memberships and foxhunt or play around at schooling shows or just enjoy horses with friends.

@dmveventer

Are you spending a lot of time around people that don’t share your values? If you’re not getting the same amount of happiness that you used to it’s worth evaluating why specifically that is and what you could do to change it. It may be as simple as a mindset shift, or maybe bigger changes like switching disciplines or stepping back from showing would help.

This.

Happiness starts with YOU. Change starts with YOU. If “the industry” isn’t fulfilling anymore, it may be time for a switch. Or time to nail down what about the industry is bothering you - maybe it is something that can be changed from within. But I don’t get the impression from your posts that it’s a specific issue, but rather that you are burnt out on the whole thing.

[aohunter0629]

I’m not saying that everyone is horrible. I make it very clear to say I’m in a particular area and this is my experience. Also I could’ve clarified further the higher end show world. I have plenty of friends just like myself (as I also mentioned). I don’t think everyone is terrible in this, I do think the top is setting a very poor example and re-validating that it’s ok to publicly shame and belittle others. Something that is very all too common in all of this. And the horses are an afterthought whether you want to believe that or not.

[aohunter0629]

I think you totally missed the point. I am more than fine lol I have made my decision (now for some time), but I write this from the perspective of the horses and the people suffering in this. As I said I’m lucky I have my own farm and can enjoy my horses as I like without pressure to do anything.

[dmveventer]

@aohunter0629

And the horses are an afterthought whether you want to believe that or not.

I am fully aware that this is true for some people, but it’s definitely not true for all. The very top of the higher end show world is definitely not representative of most people in the horse world. If you’ve been running in those circles you’re inherently going to have a different perspective than what others have tried to share in this thread.

@aohunter0629

I think you totally missed the point. I am more than fine lol

Your original question was about you not feeling good enough for the equestrian world, so you can see how people are a little confused by what your actual point was. That’s a very different question than “are there problems in the higher end H/J show world.” There are several threads on here that have discussed this exact issue, I would go read through them and you’ll see that a lot of people on this forum agree with some of your views. There’s plenty of space here to commiserate and share ideas for how to change things in a constructive way.

[Midge]

Maybe saying “good enough” is what has people confused, because it sounds like you are asking if you are “too good” for this sport. Or are others “bad enough” for this sport?

Like the saying goes, “Be the change”. Don’t socialize with people you find repugnant. Speak out against practices you abhor. Don’t think that the disreputable person behind you or in front of you in the jog (yeah, I know. I know…) rubs off on you. “Go placidly amidst the noise and haste…”

[RAyers]

I am totally good enough! I have a $3000 horse, a truck and trailer with 500,000+ miles, I play at 1.10-1.15 jumpers and prelim eventing around the US. Maybe we’ll move up, maybe we won’t. I’ve already done the upper level FEI game. Who cares? I go where I want, when I want. I have fun with my friends and family at shows. We BBQ at the trailer, have cocktails and tell stories. We share a common experience revolving around horses and our own competitive nature. Some of us have represented the US, some trained those horses, some trained those riders, some never want to jump more than 0.85 meters.

You sound like you’ve lost any insight as to why you do this sport. You are letting others dictate your happiness and that is sad.

[Janet]

The OP seems to be defining “the equesrian world” as WINNING at top end hunter jumper shows.

Practcally NOBODY is “good enough” to always win at the top levels of ANY sport. For instance look at Simone Biles in gymnastice.

But the “equestian world” is MUCH broader than just top level compettion.

If you like top level competition, and you are not abusing your horse, there is no reason not o keep competing just because you are not always winning.

But, to expand on what Reed said, the “equestrian world” is a lot wider than the “top levels” of competiton, and a lot more than competition at all.

Most of us are “good enough” for the equestrian world, even if we will never winn a world championship.

[Bristol_Bay]

@aohunter0629

And the people - why all the suicide?

Are you referring to the death last week of a west coast trainer?

[BLBGP]

I’m not sure how good enough fits into it, but it sounds like you are upset by some of the awful practices at the top (which frankly have always been there) and the welfare of the horses who we all fell in love with to get into this crazy sport. With lack of joy at the top….the industry has sucked the joy out of it. Like you said, way back when we’d go to a few 5-day shows a year. Everyone had the winter off. Now it’s a grind week in week out.

Unless someone is happy with themselves, no ribbon is going to make them happy for longer than a moment. Thinking about finals or HOY, you work and work and work all year, win it, and then the next day you’re back to work work work. When people pursue a thing, getting that thing rarely satisfies for long unless they have internal contentment.

I’m sorry you lost another friend last week.

[aohunter0629]

No not just that, there’s been many this year, last year, the year before…

[Trekkie]

When competition takes the joy out of horses from me because of too much pressure (it’s far from the Olympics) from coach or self, having a bad ride/day at a show, or seeing questionable practices with horses at said competitions, I try to take a step away.
I have really begun to dig down and focus on my relationship with my horse, helping him to be his best physical and mental self (including taking dressage lessons), taking time off from showing and spending more time on the trails, nurturing friendships with horse people who have similar perspectives on showing and riding, and maybe are less focused on winning. For me, competition represents a benchmark of how far my horse and I have come together but I find that with my amount of showing and budget I will never be able to compete realistically with those who spend 6 figures or more. So when we have a good day and get some good ribbons in good company I am ecstatic but I also realize that some days I may have a good ride and not get anything. If you are surrounded with fun folks and a supportive coach who does not care too much about ribbons it is still a fun time. If I have a bad day --well, that happens. In a sport of perfection (hunters) we must realize that as we must slowly and gently build confidence in our animals to give them the best opportunity to shine we must also do the same for ourselves. And if we forgive our animals for having a bad or off day so must we offer the same perspective if we make some human error at times.
I have loved raising young horses and giving them confidence and strength to shine–now I am trying to nurture my own confidence and joy in riding and showing, even within the flaws of the sport. We all must find our own way, our own path, and our own happiness. It is all we have control over.

[BeeHoney]

I think it would be really curious if you investigated participating in other areas of the horse world.

I did the jumper / amateur hunter thing for a long time, and while I really enjoyed the sport–the actual activity itself–I similarly felt discouraged by the environment. I saw horses being drugged and treated like science experiments by being administered every drug that was legal plus anything that wouldn’t test, or that the rules hadn’t caught up to yet. Horses being intensively “prepped” right and left with excessive longeing and multiple tubes of supplements–how many tubes of perfect prep can you make a horse choke down? Trainers being unprofessional, adult clients acting like entitled children, and so on. Not everyone, not every day, but enough that the environment did not feel positive.

Thankfully my equestrian background is multifaceted–racing, eventing, fox hunting. Right now I’ve been trail riding and fox hunting and doing lessons at my farm with my young horses, and it’s been a really nice change of pace. What would happen if you branched out a bit? Got yourself a trail horse and went horse camping? Went on a fox hunt? Perhaps it would renew your heart a bit.

[fivestrideline]

I think you poorly communicated your point.

If you wanted to discuss suicide and self harm in industry professionals, why didn’t you start a thread about that? Because that was a tiny sliver of your OP - if it was supposed to be the topic, it didn’t come across that way.

If you wanted to discuss “issues within the industry”, we have some good threads about that, and “the industry” is far more than your very narrow view and personal experience. There is far more out there, and what you’re seeing at these shows is NOT true in most other sectors.

@Midge

Maybe saying “good enough” is what has people confused, because it sounds like you are asking if you are “too good” for this sport. Or are others “bad enough” for this sport?

Exactly. The OP reads like someone who is burnt out, and subsequent posts sound like someone who is “just too good” for the slice of the horse world they’ve placed themselves within. I’m really not sure what you’re looking to discuss @aohunter0629? Perhaps you could clarify for us?

@BLBGP

Unless someone is happy with themselves, no ribbon is going to make them happy for longer than a moment. Thinking about finals or HOY, you work and work and work all year, win it, and then the next day you’re back to work work work. When people pursue a thing, getting that thing rarely satisfies for long unless they have internal contentment.

Absolutely. Especially when someone has defined their life by the Thing - it becomes hard to separate yourself from your successes and failures and the grind. This is true in all walks of life, but professional competitive sport especially.

[Bluey]

@RAyers

I am totally good enough! I have a $3000 horse, a truck and trailer with 500,000+ miles, I play at 1.10-1.15 jumpers and prelim eventing around the US. Maybe we’ll move up, maybe we won’t. I’ve already done the upper level FEI game. Who cares? I go where I want, when I want. I have fun with my friends and family at shows. We BBQ at the trailer, have cocktails and tell stories. We share a common experience revolving around horses and our own competitive nature. Some of us have represented the US, some trained those horses, some trained those riders, some never want to jump more than 0.85 meters.

You sound like you’ve lost any insight as to why you do this sport. You are letting others dictate your happiness and that is sad.

OP, that above is what showing can be for you, make it happen.

Especially for @Foxglove, with the kind and level of western ranch classes, it is about showing and having fun for you and your horse, you will love it the more you get into it.
A generous spirit as you have is going to make whatever you choose just right and fun, glad that you keep finding your spot in life with horses, and give Bob a hug from me.